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I like him but didn't want to date a guy who has kids

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 June 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2017)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Hey guys, just in need of a little advice!

I recently started dating a guy I somewhat work with. I work at a car dealership and I'm in new cars and he is in used.. I say kind of because I'll probably run into him once a week durin our Friday meetings but other than that, our paths don't cross at work.

But here's the point.. I met him and I thought he was kind of cute, and turned out that he liked me too. I was happy about it because he was super nice, had a good personality, so I felt like we could click.

Our first night out, he drops a bomb on me.. He has a baby with his ex. He says they've been broken up for almost a year and his baby is 6 months. Immediately, I was disappointed.. I never wanted to date a guy with kids.

For a second, I thought it was no big deal because I didn't want want anything serious. But now he wants to be in a relationship and I really like him.. I saw a picture of husband ex the other day when she was pregnant and it got me a little freaked out and jealous to be honest. I like him a lot, but I keep playing tug of war with myself and I don't like it. Any advice on how to go about this?

View related questions: at work, his ex, jealous

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (23 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntEnd things, if the sight off his pregnant ex makes you jealous then this will never work for you. You need to remember that he should always put his child first. It is not a competition, and you cannot help feel how you do, so the best thing for you would be to end things and be with someone who doesn't have any children.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI think you should stick to your standard (which is no single dads) and I think you should add "no dating coworkers" to you standards. It's not a great idea to mix work with dating. It makes things awkward when things don't work out.

While you might find that him having a child isn't such a big deal, you might ALSO find that it will create a LOT of drama YOU DO NOT need in your life. It all depends.

My husband was married and then divorced with 3 kids before I met him. I DID have a standard of no single dads too but I disregarded is and ended up with a GOOD man but also had a LOT of drama that came (especially) from the ex-wife. Drama I really could have done without.

So think hard, what do you REALLY think about this guy and the fact that HE is a single dad. Is it a deal breaker or not?

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (17 June 2017):

If you don't want to be in a relationship with a man who has a child then stop dating him. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. There are billions of nice good looking young guys out there who do not have children. Go find one.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (17 June 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntDon't date him.

You have to really be prepared for it, if you do. If he's a good dad, his baby will come first - you'll never be the priority. If he puts you first, he's not a great dad and you probably shouldn't stay with him long-term.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (17 June 2017):

Denizen agony auntYou are already having trouble with this. It will get worse before it gets better. There are financial implications to this as well as emotional ones.

I know accident can happen but I have to question this person's due care and attention to get this other woman pregnant. They then split up which also gives rise to other questions about commitment and what kind of relationship they had.

If you think you might get serious about this man then be well aware of the possible problems you face. The mother has certain rights and neither you nor he will be able to gloss over them. I don't think, 'Kind of cute', cuts it really.

It could just be a case of, 'Old Cow, New Cow', if you subscribe to that philosophy.

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