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Creepy old men are attracted to me.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 June 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

My question is why am I so appealing to creepy older men? I am 17 and will be 18 next month. People often think I'm older than I actually am, based on the way I think, dress and just from my face and body. Most are shocked when I tell them I'm only 17, as they assume maybe 19 or 20. I lost my virginity to a guy ive known for a while who is only a few years older than myself, but you could say we are still in the same life stage sort of. He didn't bother me because we were so close in age and have the same mind set etc. However, I do also seem to be continuously attracting much older men, from guys in their mid 20's to guys in their 40's. In terms of how I dress, I prefer more fitted clothing but with all of me covered so I'd hardly call that provocative or anything. I am attracted to slightly older guys, like those in university (I will be starting university in September) but then it scares me when older older guys start trying to talk to me and chat me up. I'm not that kind of girl in the slightest. I rarely ever attract guys my own age, they're always older men. I don't really know exactly what I'm asking here but I don't want that kind of attention. My friends think I like getting attention from guys, but not this kind, it makes me feel vulnerable and honestly be scared whenever I'm walking somewhere alone, even in day time. Is it my fault for getting that sort of attention?

View related questions: lost my virginity, older men, university

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (23 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntMy guess is that most young women your age get hit on by older men, its an ego booster for them, we have all been there! It is not your fault at all, just ignore them. You look older than 17 so that is probably why they hit on you. Also as men get older they gain more confidence chatting to women so that is why it appears it is only older men interested in you. Don't allow them to scare you, if any off them cross a line then be vocal and tell them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2017):

Sweetie, all men look. Older men look at younger women. It's a fact of life. It is mostly because they know they will never be able to land a young woman like you. So, in their own little minds, they just play out these harmless fantasies. Which are just in passing. They don't dwell on them. Most men are harmless and would not take their personal thoughts into real life. So, just let it slide off you. As you get older and have more life experience behind you, you will realize this will never stop. So, just ignore it and continue living your life. The thoughts in your own mind control the severity or non severity of situations. You have the power. So, tell yourself they are just guys and it's a guy thing. And move on. Don't worry about it. There is nothing to worry about UNLESS they start to cross the line and you will know that for sure.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2017):

I don't mean to say you deserve something that makes you uncomfortable. But if you are born looking very pretty then it's part of the package deal. Its a natural downside of something that brings you many upsides too. In fact most pretty people never fully understand just how many different little ways they benefit from it.

Please understand that most guys, the vast majority, don't cross lines or get rude with women. Most guys rarely ever make a pass at a woman at all. But the creepy guys are acting creepy all the time to many, many women. It makes the creepy guys seem more common than they are.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2017):

The sexist idea that you should be happy because you ' one day won't get attention from men ' is absolutely horrible and yes I totally understand that the type of attention from men who only see beauty in a woman's body and youth and not anything deeper is not the type of attention women of substance value

My best advice is gold your head high and realise that men like this are no better than dogs . Ignore then like the scum they are and only let those high enough to treat you as something more than meat into your zone

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2017):

I think you answered your own question in the first line- you LOOK older. You said so yourself. So many of these men probably are thinking you are older than you are. Politely mention your age, and go about your business.

Also just because clothing doesn't show that much skin doesn't mean it is not provocative. If it is very tight then it obviously has provocative elements. That is your choice to wear what you want, but you will get different reactions from men if you choose to wear skin-tight clothing or if you choose to wear loose fitting blouses and pants. So if you don't like the attention, I would suggest adopting at least a slightly looser fitting wardrobe.

Finally, some older men in their 30s or 40s will definitely try to chat/flirt with younger women. I guarantee you that this happens to every one of your friends as well-- you would be surprised that it happens to almost every girl no matter how they look or even what they wear. These men are probably at the sad mid-life crisis stage and themselves desire some attention or are trying to feel cool. The best thing to do is politely ignore them and move on.

I also kind of get the feeling from your post that, while you do not enjoy being hit on by older men, you DO enjoy a feeling that you are "special" in that you "THINK" like an older person (so people tell you), as well as supposedly look and act older. Surely that is true of many, many other people. It doesn't mean you are "different" as you say it does. Do not let your ego become based on some false sense of superiority in this way. You are completely normal, and men chase women-- all women. And all women have encounters with creepy men, so yes learn some ways of exiting those situations. But it doesn't mean you are a child prodigy, different or special.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2017):

No its not your fault!

Lonely older men are sensing some kind of politness from you and they will try it on because at worst it will be a polite rebuttal from you.

Age doth not make a man!

And as you now notice most of the old wrinkly geezers still think they are 17!

And as they would only get a polite rebuttal from you they are trying to prove that they have old and wrinkly charm!

Words to consider if they start to embarrass you with accounts of their youthful sex abilities or other kind of inappropriate behaviour:

"F*** off you dirty ol man!"

"Keep your smutty paws to yourself!"

"In your dreams you pervert!"

"Im calling the police now!"

This problem will evaporate at uni!

You will get lots of support and friendship and can swap dity ol men hitting on you tales as you enjoy each others company!

But for the time being be very assertive!

If all else fails and they get too creepy and saliva on you while talking and put their creepy arms round you (heck you got to stop them before it gets that far)..

Then use the f word and leg it!

If they use physical force on you then employ a sharp kick with your strongest and most dominant leg and aim it very firmly right into their groin area!

They will go extremely red and drop in agony while you leg it and call for police asssistance on an emergency number.

Or if they get you into a situation where they are raping you then grab the balls and twist and rip!

Finally you can avoid all this by crossing over the road or giving them a very wide berth where they congregate.

Dont just sail past them..actively avoid them.

Stick with friends on nights out and get home safely together!

In the daytime dont talk to them!

Next time anyone calls you from the pavement "Hey sweety!"

"Hi darlin'!"

Just look disgusted and keep on moving out of their reach.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (17 June 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntUnfortunately, most women experience this. It's the catcalling-type culture that many men grow up with and women get stuck experiencing.

I think self-defence classes are a good idea because it can help you feel stronger and safe. Also, pepper spray isn't allowed in the UK, but criminal identifier spray is legal and does similar - as well as dying an attacker's face for a couple of days. Take precautions.

That said, some older men will always flirt/stare at young women. It's creepy and should be illegal - that's why I disagree with any sexual consent age under 18 because it gives pervy adults the idea that it's okay to pursue children who aren't legal adults yet.

Anyway, try not to worry. Don't engage in conversation with any creepy guys and don't be afraid to ask someone for help if somebody else is making you uncomfortable.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (17 June 2017):

Denizen agony auntThere will come a time when you won't get any attention from men so don't be too upset if you seem attractive to them now. As for being scared by it, I think you need to develop coping mechanisms. An older female will be able to help you with this.

General advice would be: don't put yourself in places or situations where you could be attacked; take a course in self defence (this will improve your confidence as well as your ability to look after yourself) and if going out alone let a friend or family know where you will be and when you will be back.

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