A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Basically me and this girl have been having sex and now are getting more serious.She asked me when i lost my virginity and because I was embarrassed i lied and said when I was 19 when really i had lost my virginity at the age of 23 with my ex girlfriend. I feel really bad that i lied. Should I tell her the truth? Do you think she will be mad?So I wasn't a virgin when we had sex but I lied about the age when I first had sex.
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ex girlfriend, lost my virginity, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (3 January 2013):
 "If she truly loves you then I think she will forgive you if you explain yourself well enough"
Forgive him? For what exactly?
"Tell the truth. That is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. you should be proud"
Why? What difference is it really going to make? Does it affect their relationship? I could understand if he'd done something terrible but this really is rubbish.
Do me a favour and don't listen to the ladies on this one. It doesn't make a blind bit of difference.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (3 January 2013):
Does it really matter?
No.
Is it going to make any difference other than make you look silly?
No.
So why bother? Why are people so hung up on their own past? I could understand if what you did was evil. You just fibbed. It's insignificant. Whats important is are you a good boyfriend? And is she a good girlfriend? Are you both happy?
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (3 January 2013):
Funny how people are so insecure about their sexual experience or lack of. I have come to realise that if you dont feel really relaxed and comfortable (and trusting) of a partner and cant talk openly with them then you probably shouldnt be having sex in the first place. However, when young and excited we say anything that feels right! I remember losing my virginity with a girl and we both said we had sex before. As neither of us had, we had no idea that neither really knew what to do! It was fun though there was no internet porn then so we had much experimenting to do. Generally sexual history is just that, history, and unless it was bad to the point that a person has lasting fears that need to be understood, it is best not talked about. Dont worry about it, your gf probably didn't tell you the truth either.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Tell the truth. That is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. you should be proud.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Nah I wouldn't say anything. And no I don't think she will really be mad, if you do come clean. I mean I guess it depends how dramatic she is. But It is pretty transparent that you lied because you were trying to impress her. It was just a white lie that all in all was harmless. If you do decide to tell her, it may raise eyebrows as to what else you may have lied about. So my suggestion is to keep it to yourself. You know your sexual past is something that she doesn't need to know all the details about. All in all it is best to be honest about stuff. So don't let it happen again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Unless she's shallow minded, I'm sure she will understand that you exaggerated because you were just ashamed. Its not like she's just found out you've cheated on her after saying you haven't (example).
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (2 January 2013):
I agree with Abella. However I don't think it's something that HAS to be said as it's not probably the most important thing in the world to her. If you feel you can't live without telling her then by all means go right ahead. It shouldn't be a big deal to her and she'll probably appreciate your honesty.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Hi
Whether your age was 19 or 23 it does not matter.
The thing is you were concerned to tell the truth.
Telling the truth on this issue should not cause her to have a melt-down if you explain yourself well and let her know why you are telling her and your reasons
If she truly loves you then I think she will forgive you if you explain yourself well enough
Because she means a lot to you and your'e starting to feel more serious about her.
Sit down and examine your motivation to change the age. When you've sorted out why you did that then take the time to tell the girl the real age and the reasons why you quoted the wrong age.
Any nice girl will forgive you immediately.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 January 2013):
 I don't think you should mention it, it doesn't really affect the relationship IMO. Sure you feel bad about it, but if you bring it up then it may cause a problem like trust issues. It sounds pretty menial and if things are going good, then I wouldn't risk it.
But if you want to clear your conscience, then by all means own up to it. Who knows, she may not even care.
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A
female
reader, poppleton +, writes (2 January 2013):
It says a lot about you that you would care so much about having an honest relationship with your girlfriend.
You're right, because women tend to become very angry and suspicious once they discover lying.
That said, it's a very white lie, really. You weren't trying to manipulate or cheat anyone or gain anything from it. It was more of a lie told out of embarrassment.
I think you should tell your girlfriend, because it is preying on your mind, and that anxiety and tension will affect your behaviour, and she may worry there is something more serious awry.
I would try and tell her that you lied out of embarrassment, and never in an attempt to get her to do or feel things she wouldn't otherwise have felt, and you should tell her how important honesty is to you and how bad you've felt about your fib.
She may be cross at first, but give her a little space and I am very confident she will come to appreciate you more for your honesty.
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