A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm 40yrs old and for the past 2.5yrs I have been seeing a married man whose 38, has 3 kids (10,13,17 - there abouts)and from what he has told me, happy in his marriage. This is an area that he really doesn't talk about nor wishes to discuss. We met at a cook-off (he is in a band) and we both clicked as we were introduced. Yes, you could say it was love at first sight. He lives almost 4 hours away. The 1st yr was hard for us to see each other, but he managed to come see me as much as his main job could allow, almost every other month for 6 months. He got a new main job and he couldn't drive to see me so I then would drive, ususally once every other month or at least by the 3rd month. The band members knew what had been going on, they didn't like it, but they have been friendly to me. I have went to some of his gigs when they have played in their hometown and the other wives have been there. We would always go out to eat, take me to his job and show me where he works, you name it. New Yr's I was with him at the Cadillac Bar, I couldn't talk to him since the other wives were there but I talked with other people and on our way to the motel, he got emotionally upset because a man had been talking to me all night long and he couldn't. I wasn't trying to make him jealous, the man kept talking to me and I didn't want to not talk all night long to no one. He streamed with tears running down his face. He was upset with himself for 2 reasons. One him being jealous and 2 because he feels that he is holding me back from finding someone, but he doesn't want me seeing anyone or going out either. He loves his children very much and is happy at home from what I can tell and would never divorce. His wife knows that he has not come home at times when he plays, he says he sleeps at the office he is too tired to drive home - he has been with me. She would get upset of course. He left a message from me by mistake on his cellphone and she heard the first few words of "Hi Baby" and he quickly deleted it. He has taken so many chances with me and I don't understand it. I think the wife knows something, but is in denial or leaves it alone. Many people have seen us out together. We have not seen each other since New Yrs day. We both miss each other extremly. Sex is wonderful, but that is not what we are all about. We have talked everyday by cell or email since the first day we met. We both have tried to call it off, but no matter what, we keep coming back to each other and it never lasted longer then a week. I finally am doing it again, calling it off. I sent him an email on Sat/17th which he will get this Monday/19th, and asked for him not to reply, but for both of us to move on with our lives. He and I will never go anywhere and I do want to have a lasting relationship with someone and get married. I don't want to break up his marriage, truly that is not who I am. The relationship just happened and never have I met someone where I ever felt that strong of a connection. We communicate more then I ever have with my exhusband and my exboyfriend put together. He tells me how much he loves me everyday and that he misses me. For Valentines he picked the perfect card that was so us and what he felt. Most men could care less and just pick a card any card. I don't know if I am just a sucker who just got played and too dumb to realize it or admit it, or was this really love? This is a part of me I struggle with. Either way, I just want to be strong and not give in to a weak or two down the road call or email of "Hi, how are you doing, I miss you, can we talk?" My heart hurts more then anything in this world, how do I move on? How do I get him out of my mind? I have to admit, it was somewhat easy with the other 2 men in my life - maybe because I was younger or really not in love w/them I honestly don't know, but now, honestly, I really don't know how to get through this. What do I do? I would love to hear from both men and women. Thank you for listening.
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (19 February 2007):
 I think you know what you should do, but your emotions are keeping you coming back for more. It's the thrill of the chase. It's the rush of adrenalin from doing something you know is wrong. It's addictive.
The only way to stop this addiction is to go "cold turkey". No more phone calls, text messages, visiting him at his gigs. No contact. Period.
The next step is to try to meet new people. Get involved in new activities. Join a gym. Get your mind off of him and into improving yourself. Good things will happen for you.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): Do yourself a favor and leave this man along. He is only using you for pleasure only. If you think he will leave his wife and kids for you you're crazy. All to many times a man likes to go out and have a fling...but he always goes back to the wife. Surely there are single men out there for you. Put yourself in his wifes shoes....would you want someone sharing your husband and what makes you so sure he would'nt cheat on you. You're not more special than his wife. God forbid he gets dies, you have no ties to anything..nothing but sex. You need to think about this hard. I am a Godly person and know what you are doing is totally about you satisfing yourself and not thinking about a family you may destroy. Find yourself a single man...There are plenty in Fort Bragg Army Base.
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