A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do guys lie about watching porn? My boyfriend and I have been together for several years and at the beginning of our relationship would look at it together quite a lot, usually just for fun (i.e. trying to find the weirdest stuff we could) but sometimes for pleasure. And we watched it seperately of course. I watched porn a lot when I was younger, especially before I was having sex. Nowadays I hardly ever look at it because I have a good sex life and a strong imagination, and no time to look. Boyfriend claims he never looks but I have my doubts. I have never found any on his computer or anything, but I know that all men look at porn. He insists that he doesn't, says he's seen it all before, not interested, no time, gets enough sex from me (that part is definitely true), uses photos of me to jack off instead, etc. But I don't really buy it. More importantly, I don't understand why he's lying.I've never been the jealous type, I've never once told him I didn't want him watching it, I don't really care if he watches it. I just HATE THAT HE LIES ABOUT IT! The lying is making me feel very insecure and paranoid. I've told him many times, that he can look at porn, I don't really care, the most important thing to me is that he's not being sneaky or trying to hide things from me because that is a bad foundation for a relationship. It's really starting to affect our relationship in a bad way. He thinks I'm nuts because I refuse to believe him, but I don't get how a guy would just randomly get bored of porn. He knows I have no problem with porn, I looked at it more than he did back in the day. The lying is the issue here. How do I make him be honest? I have tried to be someone he can trust and come to, I've never been jealous or mistrusting and I have been forgiving of all his mistakes in the past, I think I am a very good partner. I am not quick to judge or anger. I hate feeling like he is deceiving me. I can't trust a man who lies. What gives?
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male
reader, Gandalfrex  +, writes (19 July 2010):
Relax woman! If you have never found any evidence of him looking at porn and if he says he does not... than, well, I believe that's the case. I've been with my girl for about a year now and I can honestly say that I have not looked at porn alone since we got together. So please, stop saying "all men watch porn". You are not a man, so you just don't know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): Time for a reality check.
Guess what? Porn is ok.
Futhermore, if you are ok with it, you should be watching it with him while you are both naked and enjoying a bottle of wine together. Get a grip and loosen up.
The vast majority of women I have met (all kinds, and from many different backgrounds) were all ok with porn. If you don't like it, and he does, well guess what? Thats annoying. A man wants a woman to shaer his sexual interests....if you don't, its eventually going to crash and burn anyways. Thats the reality check.
Relax.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): Maybe he's really NOT looking at it! I mean, you aren't looking that much. Maybe he's not looking at all. I know PLENTY of guys who don't look at porn at all! You can't assume he is JUST because he's a man. Honestly, you're the one being dishonest since you're checking his hard drive... Just trust him! Why would he lie?
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Why are you so convinced he does watch? Maybe he really does masturbate to pictures of you. For most men porn is just a visual aid, not because they're not attracted to you. If you give him a visual aid (pictures etc...) then he has one and doesn't need porn. Not all men watch porn, and you've never found ANY evidence other than being told all men watch porn. Some are happy with their girlfriends. You shouldn't assume he's lying because of the stereotype that all men watch. Don't make an issue where there isn't one, you'll drive yourself crazy and ruin the relationship.
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female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (29 June 2010):
 "I have never found any on his computer or anything, but I know that all men look at porn. He insists that he doesn't, says he's seen it all before, not interested, no time, gets enough sex from me (that part is definitely true), uses photos of me to jack off instead, etc."
What exactly is the problem here? You are saying you have a man that would rather look at you than digital images of other women and you are complaining?! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lord help us! Girl, enjoy yourself and enjoy your man!
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Are you sure this is about the porn that he apparently does not watch or are you looking for a reason to sabotage this? Some guys do get bored with porn, y'know. Those with jobs are sometimes just too busy for it!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 I'm with Celia. If you have no problem with his viewing porn, why is it an issue at all?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 June 2010):
You have no proof at all that he's lying. Not a bit of proof. You sound like you're just trying to destroy this relationship. In fact, I'd say that you're totally mistrusting. You say how you can you trust a man who lies. Where has he lied? I see no proof. All I see is a paranoid woman. You're just destroying this. What a mess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): You have got yourself, all worked up because you think he is lying to you. Why would he, he has no reason to. It's a matter of trust, ask yourself do you trust him to be honest, and if you do let it go before you make a problem out of something that isn't even there.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (28 June 2010):
 You're not quick to anger or judge? You could have fooled me.
Look here: your mistrust of him will ultimately damage your relationship far more than if he does occasionally watch porn.
Anyway, what makes you think he's lying? Do you have rock-solid, cast-iron evidence that he is? Not vague fears plucked out of thin air.
You have looked at his computer and found nothing there. Lady, just because, in your mind "all men look at porn" - not true, by the way - is simply not reason enough to be giving him all this grief.
My advice is to quit while you are still ahead.......continue with your suspicions and you won't be ahead much longer, but WILL be minus your bf......
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A
male
reader, groovymoving  +, writes (28 June 2010):
Good point, Tisha-1!
But yeah, I agree that your boyfriend might be telling the truth. Not all men watch porn. And I'm not talking only about the majority of asexuals. Seriously, there are guys who don't like porn, don't have access to it or simply don't have a need for it. I assume that your guy belongs to the latter.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 June 2010):
 I think the notion that all men watch porn is probably an overreaching and inaccurate statement. So unless you have some compelling evidence to the contrary, I would tend to believe the guy.
Is it possible that things are going so well that you are looking for ways to sabotage this relationship? That your subconscious cannot handle the burden of a happy, well-balanced relationship and looks for ways to throw it into chaos, where for some reason, you might be somehow happier?
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female
reader, Behkay +, writes (28 June 2010):
 I honestly think you are over reacting. Not EVERY man looks at porn. There are some really descent guys out there (mine being one) and if he is telling you constanly that he isn't looking at porn, you should believe him. You say you've been together for years so if I were you, I'd believe him. Plus, you should find it flattering that you are enough and he doesn't need to find other way of pleasuring himself other then through you. If it doesn't bother you, stop trying to make him say something that isn't true. If you haven't found any, heard anything, or have gotten clues, why are you worrying about it? I honestly think it would only bother someone who is jealous and doesn't trust there partner. You don't come across as that kind of person so you should just trust his word. Now if signs start coming up and you find stuff or something like that THEN you should question his word. Keep the trust and you should have nothing to worry about :).
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Another question. Would it be better for him to lie to you and tell you the answer you want to hear? It sure as hell would be easier for him, so what's making him stick to his guns? Maybe it is the truth.
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Ever think that maybe he is telling the truth? If you've given him the go ahead to watch porn, then he has nothing to hide. Since he trusts you, he would come clean about it.
"I know that all men watch porn" is a very poor justification to accusing your boyfriend to something that he may not be doing. Especially since you've never found any on his computer.
Next thing. You expect him to trust you enough to tell you if he watches porn, but you don't trust him enough to believe him when he answers a simple question against the stereotype.
Next, you used to watch porn more than him, and now you hardly do because you have a very satisfying sex life. If you can change like that then he would be able to too.
Lastly, i think this is too small an issue to be worrying about. I mean, if you dont care whether he watches it or not, then even if he is lying, then let it go. Guys can lie about simple things just to please their girls. I'd let it go and take it as a nice gesture, and not take it as he's going to lie about everything in the future.
But hey thats just my 2 cents.
nick
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 June 2010):
Why do you insist he's lying? He is likely telling the truth. I look at porn, but if my gf and I were having lots of sex, then I'd look at it way less. If she gave me dirty pictures, I don't think I'd even bother with porn. It sounds like he's into you. Stop making an issue where one doesn't exist.
Women wonder why men lie about porn. It's a no win situation for the guy. It's like the question: "Do I look fat?" IT'S A TRAP!!! Answer: "No." Reply: "Well, you're just saying that..." Answer: "Yes." Reply: SLAP
I, like most men, use porn to masturbate. If I'm regularly having sex, then I don't need to masturbate as much. It is entirely possible to get bored watching other people having sex, when you have it regularly. Let the issue drop. If you don't mind him looking at it once and a while, why does he have to admit he is (even if he isn't)?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 June 2010):
Women are usually sensitive to the fact that their men could watch porn while being in a relationship with them. So he hides it, or so he thinks. Like my sister when she smoked in the bathroom and came out chewing mints. No one knew she smoked, she thought.
That gives.
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