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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Ok, how do I stop resenting my b/f?I've not been completely trustworthy (I haven't cheated but I lied). That, and the fact that he's quite a jealous guy, had him put some rules for me. Firstly, not going out alone with other guys (even if there are girls on the group). Also, girls nights out to bars or clubs are completely out of the question because I may meet someone. I can only hang out with girls if we're like at someone's place, all girls. Secondly, he doesn't really like my friends from highschool (because he knows that when we went out, we hooked up with guys. And they're still single). I don't have close friends who are not from highschool, even though I started uni last year. So I have very limited options to go out. I mostly stay home. But here's the thing, he has done nothing to be untrustworthy, and that's not the problem, but he gets to go out and have fun! He usually only hangs out with the guys at someone's place, but what I resent him for is that he gets to have fun and go out and I can't. I trust him especially since he almost never hangs out with girls, but the fact that he can and I can't is what bothers me. But if I bring this up, he reminds me that I've not been completely trustworthy.What did I do? I lied. About my past. And until I told him about the past, I kept contact with some guys (not ex boyfriends, but guys who crushed on me, or who I crushed on, or maybe a guy I kissed some 2 or 3 times). I talked to a guy who used to like me when I wasn't supposed too, and this made things worse. So maybe he's right in this? I don't know, but I kinda feel envious of him for having a social life, when I don't. Help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Vow, you are living a life of imprisonment.
This guy has no right to expect this from you; to dictate what you may and what you may not; hey, WAKE UP; you are your own person, living by your rules as to which you are comfortable with;
You are not his possesion; why do you allow him such controll over you?
He is abusing you; GET OUT, go ut with your friends; if he does not like it, which he won't: DUMP HIM
He does not sound jeaouls to me, more like possesive and that is dangerous.
THere is no future for you with this guy, unless you want to be miserable forever;
I suggest: GET OUT, the sooner the better.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Eh... why are you dating your dad?
You are not. Then how come he gets to dictate what you do but you don't get to dictate what he does?
Most important of all, am I being really old in thinking that a BF/GF should be going out TOGETHER?
Some men want to control their woman, often they achieve this by using some leverage against her. Your "past" in this case, if there is nothing, they just use paranoia.
Read other posts on this forum, it comes up daily.
It is abuse pure and simple and if you let him it will only get worse and worse until you are locked in your own home unable to ever go out, his live in slave.
No, he is NOT right in this. He is using this to control you.
Don't let him, just ask yourself do you really want to spend the rest of your life this way? Don't you deserve better? (The answer is YES) Don't let him or anyone make you think otherwise.
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