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I keep getting crushes on random people and fantasising about them. What's wrong with me?

Tagged as: Crushes, Health, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 December 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

What is wrong with me? Someone please help.

I have a wonderful husband that treats me like a queen (been married 4 years and been together for 8) and all I keep doing is getting crushes on random people, fantasising about them and stalking them on Facebook!

I know I sound crazy - maybe I am but I'm worrying myself - not to mention feeling extremely guilty.

It started about 3 years ago when I took my cat to the vet- the guy was really nice - just being professional and friendly and I was immediately attracted to him and even took my cat in for an extra visit when there was no need - just to see him again!!

Then I fell for my new dentist - the guy is in his 50's (I'm 34) and he's not even attractive but because he was someone in authority and who could help me I fell for him too.

I developed a crush on my Dr and on 1 of the managers at work!

More recently I've developed a crush on my physio - he is a nice looking guy and once again friendly and we get on really well and all I do is flirt with him!

Obviously I'd never have an affair but some times I feel so tempted! My husband is the only "serious relationship" I had so I never really had much experience with men if you know what I mean so I'm not sure if I feel like I have "missed out" somehow.....

Is this normal? I mean I understand getting crushes when I was in my teens and 20's but this is ridiculous!! Any advice is greatly appreciated.


View related questions: affair, at work, crush, facebook, flirt, stalking

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2015):

I am the OP of this.

Wise owl- I never did do much dating - probably dated 3 different guys & the longest relationship was 2 months. I remained a virgin until I was married (it was just out of respect for myself & my husband was happy to wait) so he is my only sexual partner. It's difficult when I'm asked if my sex life is good because I don't know, I have nothing to compare it to. I guess at 1st it was exciting & now mundane but we aren't the kind to experiment sexually....

Part of me regrets waiting until I was married- I guess I will always wonder what it'd be like to have sex with someone else (not that I'm planning to find out).

I guess I did marry for security - financially I knew I'd be well looked after but I did love him also (I'm not someone who'd marry just for money, if I was I'd have gone for someone with more money than him).

I guess thinking about it is that I fantasise there is someone out there better for me, more exciting (I'm ashamed to admit this) yet my husband puts up with a lot from me so I doubt anyone could be as good & kind as him. In very confused.

I was never abused as a child.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 December 2015):

I don't think you dated much before you met your husband. You probably have a very uneventful and unromantic marriage. You both live together and act like husband and wife, but it seems there must be little to no passion in it.

You're still searching for something, although you claim your husband treats you like a queen. I'll take a wild guess, and try to figure out what that means. He earns a good living, provides you with everything you could ever want, and he's a lovely person? However; there is probably very little passion in the bedroom. He isn't passionate or affectionate in his love-making, and that leaves you needy.

You married him because he was a good catch, but you don't really love him as you should. Many women get married because they want to be married and somebody asked. So they accepted. Otherwise, you'd have no reason to be crushing on anyone else while you're married.

Crushing is harmless, but not appropriate for a married woman. You are aware of that, and you haven't acted on it.

You're bored with your marriage and should try to concentrate on what it is you need that you're not getting, and seek it from your husband. I would also recommend you seek therapy, because there is something in your past that has left you a little damaged. Therapy will help you to face it, and deal with it.

Please don't be offended, but may I ask? Were you ever sexually abused when you were a child?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2015):

Me. It's normal. Happens to me all the time when my brain is empty and nothing to do. I'll Say just whatever you feel,keep it under control for some time and express it (physically. Not by telling him lol) or experiment it with your husband. He will be happy like in heaven. Also Hollywood actress look way more hotter than normal people and people really do fantasize about them. So it's normal.

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A female reader, Tottochan India +, writes (13 December 2015):

I think all these are signs that serve to show that it is time to spice up your relationship with your husband!

Go out for some romantic time together, spend quality time and get back the spark in the relationship.

You clearly have something very special - together for 8 years, and your husband is very caring - so start having dates like it was when you first started seeing each other :)

I don't think that what you're doing is bad or harmful - you haven't acted on anything which clearly shows how important your husband is to you. Just treat these crushes as signs that you need to get a little bit of flirty romance between the two of you going once again. :)

All the best!

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