A
female
age
41-50,
*tkwackf
writes:Is past abuse a deal breaker or red flag for sex buddies? I left my boyfriend because he beat me up. I do still love him and been trying to deny the really tight tramua bond I have with him. And now I guess I have a new sex buddy.He has been helping me through it all and we talk alot about our past and all. However I have heard from someone else that my new buddy here has beat up his ex girlfriend..He didn't tell me that though.Also he is feeling guilty about something he can't keep a erection.
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erection, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ztkwackf +, writes (5 November 2016):
Ztkwackf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo. It is actually deeper then attention and affection. They are like my dad and my dad really did get better over the years. I do also love my dad and I was with the ex for 18 years and I do love him too. I believe my views of love and how those treat those they love are different from " normal people who DIDN'T have OUR life's" Anyways my views are that " that is love" And trying to conceive me otherwise has only lead me to real suicidal thoughts and actions. Basically it is like telling a child that her entire family don't love her..Meanwhile I see that all I ever really wanted was to be loved and accepted by my family. Basically these issues run deep..To deep to explain on here. So I also see this as a chance to prevent certian actions from happening with the ex. Like he isn't here and I only made him leave because I had too and you know it be nice if the actually beatings didn't happen so I got it in my head to figure out what I done wrong to prevent it. Also my own mother and father even asked me what I did do wrong. So I'm figuring that out. It is way deep. Also due to father and ex and FAMILY situation this new guy feels meet to be. Basically there is a pull I feel toward him that is really strong.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 November 2016):
 Ask him did he beat up his ex. You should be able to tell from his response if he is telling you the truth or not when he answers.
I would stop having sex with him if there is truth in it as he is not the sort of person you want around. Also I get that you still love your ex but I hope you never contact him again.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 November 2016):
 Maybe he was cuddly cuddly and lovey dovey also with the girl he is rumoured having beaten up. They generally don't start by beating them to a pulp right off the bat !!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 November 2016):
 So did you ASK him if he beat up his ex or not?
Or are you ignoring the fact that he might be an abusive guy, just so you can get some attention and affection?
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A
female
reader, Ztkwackf +, writes (4 November 2016):
Ztkwackf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWait,I need to add another update.last night we talked alot about life and all also he was super cuddly and very sweet lovey dovey and all that. So I guess that thing he said the other day about not cuddling unless I'm holding something back. I guess this might already be a twisted situation. Erection also stayed.
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A
female
reader, Ztkwackf +, writes (4 November 2016):
Ztkwackf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh geesh. I got no idea idea what is going on now. He was very cuddly and lovey dovey today. Like very very.. And we talked about life and all for hours...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 November 2016):
My guess is he thinks cuddling will make you SAD because you are only F-buddies and he has no intentions of being more.
Basically, he doesn't want you to get too emotionally attached.
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A
female
reader, Ztkwackf +, writes (3 November 2016):
Ztkwackf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering. I have another question actually now. He said to me the other day " I probably should STOP cuddling cause i don't want to make you sad..unless there is something you're holding back." Okay he said that. Why do I feel like that is twisted or something. What is he talking about. When he said it I got scared cause I'm like idk what he talking about do I? And he could tell and he says " why are you so quiet, we never have to talk about that again an then he hugged me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 November 2016):
For me? THAT would be a dealbreaker, ABSOLUTELY.
And I agree with Cindy... what's the point of an F-buddy/Sex-buddy or FWB if he can't HAVE sex due to not getting it up? It totally defeats the "purpose" of such a casual arrangement.
If he DID beat her up, I can see why he hasn't told you.
I think that maybe you should RELY on yourself, family and REAL friends to work through the issues, NOT a man who is a potential abuser.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 November 2016):
That may be just a gossip or a rumour, but, if it turns out to be true- I agree with fem anon, yes it's a deal breaker; there are tons of men who never have hit a woman, and would never DREAM of doing it, so why not choosing among them.
Plus, an FWB who can't keep an erection ?! then it sorts of defy the purpose, doesn't it ? It's a kind of r/ship where the focus is essentially, when not only, on the physical aspects - so if he can't deliver the goods, what's the point ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2016): For me it would be a deal breaker, especially if I had just come out of an abusive relationship. You should be very wary. Why can't you find another buddy? There are plenty of men that haven't hit women.
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