A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im in a ldr with a wonderful girl and we love each other very much.When i met her i was pursuing my dream job, having job interviews etc.When things got serious and we became exclusive she had to go back to her country to complete school and get her degree, when she completes it in 2 years she will relocate to america and will be together finally.In order to keep this relationship going on and to keep it normal as much as possible i had to put on hold my search of my dream job and become self employed, because i need the flexibility to take a couple of weeks off every two or three months just to visit her. Now im working hard, too many hours, 63 hrs per week, in a job which i hate and is phisically demanding, sometimes i work outdoors at -25 °C for days, and living in an hotel room far from home. But the pay is excellent money. She is my only motivation. So far i have spent around 13,000 dls in the last 7 months in trips to Europe to see her. She is super sweet and she is totally worth it.The problem is, lately i cant help to have some regrets about it, i mean, regrets towards her. She does not know all the sacrifices and all the things i have to go through just to be with her. We skype everyday but is time is limited because of my job and the time zones. She is a popular girl and she has never given me any reason to doubt about her, but bothers me when she goes out with her friends and cant take my calls, She tells me to call her later when she is at home so we can skype, the thing is that she is always busy, with school or friends when i have to put in a lot of effort, in order to be with her. She loves me, no question about it, but i think she has no idea the things i have to do for her. How can i address this to not to feel regretful? I love her to bits but upsets me everytime she says or do something i dont like. Is it normal? I'm mad at her now because she was with her female friend for drinks and she was tired when we skyped so i let her sleep, but she doesnt know im upset with her, she thinks i'm just grumpy because i had to work too long. What to do? I love her and i dont want to be mad at her!
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female
reader, bubbletea  +, writes (15 December 2012):
 i think you should talk to her, she will understand you, sometimes ldr is hard to know what your feelings are, when your on camera already you can speak up, because you thinking already what she said, she will be more happy to know that you feel upset and you wAnt to be spend more time to her, how will she know your needs, if you cannot open to her, im also in a ldr for three years, and shes lucky that you take effort! sometimes girls like man to take some action or effort show them that your teally serious and your in love with them,
A
female
reader, Ilha  +, writes (10 December 2012):
Dear OP,
You have to make the effort to talk to her. What are your fears if you talk to her about what is worrying you? Are you afraid that she would end the relationship, get upset, distance herself???
My dear, talking to her about your issues would not make you look like a douche. It is one of the ingredients of a successful relationship. If you can't communicate with her now about your worries and fears and disappointments, it would definitely be a big problem if you do get married.
You need to now be less emotional as you have to think rationally why you are feeling upset. List them down. Then divide them into things you can control and things you can't control. Your girlfriend wanting to spend time with her friends is an example of things you can't control. You can control how to react to it, however.
I hope I have given you a head start on what to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for your comments, specially Ilha :-) the desicion to become self employed were from my part only, she knows it was my own desicion, just she doesnt know why. the problem is a just dont know what to tell her, or what is it so much bothering me, im not jealous of her of going out, because i trust her very much. im maybe jealous that she can keep going on with her life, you know having fun while im working very hard with little or no fun at all. i just dont know how to tell her without looking like a douche.
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A
female
reader, Ilha +, writes (9 December 2012):
Hi,
I am sorry to hear that you are upset with what is happening at the moment. Just wanted to know if the decision to be self-employed and halt your pursue of your dream job was ever discussed between your gf and you. I understand that you decided to be self-employed so that you could visit her anytime you like. However, now you resent her for not being appreciative for all your sacrifices. I would advise you to talk to her about what you are feeling making it a point not to find fault with her. She might not know what you are going through if you choose to remain silent.
In all relationship there are always issues that need to be worked out. However it can only be done if both of you work at it. Handling it by yourself would not resolve the issue hence the anger and resentment.
I hope I have been able to help you. Take care and good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): You need to put more focus on your career for yourself and also as preparation for when she arrives in the US. You're in your 30's and can't just sacrifice your career like this. Its time you start building a career, saving money and preparing for a family. Lots of companies offer 3-4 weeks of vacation per year if not additional paid time off. Inbetween she should be visiting you since she is a student and has lots of time off. You need to rework this situation abit. If she loves you she will understand and be flexible with her schedule to come see you and make things work.
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