A
female
age
36-40,
*uliet24
writes:I am a 25 year old female. I have struggled with low self esteem since a very young age. I haven't had a bf for at least 7 years. Everytime I go on dates with guys I always get very nervous and end up becoming drunk. On one occasion I got drunk and we ended up back at his house, although I did not sleep with him, I played with him. This was a first date and I am so disgusted in myself. I was seeing another guy and he only texted me when he was out drinking. I do not sleep with guys and haven't had sex for at least 21/2 years. I still feel a tart and I am so sick of making the same mistakes. I am not happy in life, with work and feel I am just vegetating. What can I do to raise my self esteem and become more valuable?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): I once had sex on a first date, 3 years later and I'm engaged to him & have a baby with him. What you did doesn't make you a tart, it makes you human. There are a lot of women who do a lot more 'tartier' things on a highly regular basis, but who are we to judge? what's right for one person isn't for the other, unless your breaking the law there is no 'wrong'. I think you're afraid of what other people think of you, but even if you guess what someone else is thinking, at best, it's just a guess and you will never find out & I can guarantee 99.99% of the time they're not thinking anything bad of you, mainly because most of the time, most people are thinking about themselves.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 August 2012):
 First off, STOP beating yourself up. So you did some stupid things in the past? So what? Let them go. You can't change the past so why let it drag you down over and over?
Secondly, forgive yourself for making a stupid mistake. You aren't the first to do so, and you won't be the last either. We ALL make them. LEARN from them. Don't repeat them.
Regrets are a funny thing. Sometimes we KNOW, positively KNOW that we shouldn't be doing something, and we still do it. The trick is... to listen to that little voice telling you;" um thin ice lets not go there." To take those 30 seconds to stop and think and then NO do what you know you really shouldn't do.
And don't be afraid to try new things. If what you are doing NOW isn't working, isn't it unproductive to keep doing it? Albert Einstein said it best:
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
If you meet a guy and he ONLY calls when drunk, delete him of your phone and ignore his calls.
If you can't quite control yourself around alcohol, don't drink, not even "just 1"
If work seems crappy, fix your resume and start looking for another one.
Find a hobby.
Go out and meet people.
Learn to accept that you, like everyone else are flawed. We humans need ( I honestly think this) a few mistakes in our life, a few taking chances and a few WHAT WAS I THINKING? moments.
Live life!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Change things up. Change jobs if you're not happy. Do something, take action, be in charge of your life. Travel, perhaps widening the horizon and learning new things will make you feel more alive and not vegetating.
What I like to do is remember where I want to be in life, what I want to do, and who I want to be. My ideal version of myself. I remind myself of these goals every now and then, and put myself back on track. I lose direction all the time, but in life we choose who we want to be, and we are held responsible for these choices. So I have no excuse for sliding off track, and when I do I give myself a stern look and put myself back on the right track to where I want to be.
For example, if I've done something bad that I am ashamed of. I acknowledge that this was a bad decision, and then rethink what I should have done instead. Then visualize what I will do next time something like this happens, or visualize what I, as the ideal me, would have done. I also remind myself of whats important to me, so that I don't get hung up in things that actually aren't important to me. I think everyone does this, we get hung up on things that in the great scheme of things aren't important to us. We just got to raise our glance and look towards our goals. Then most of the things we worry about will be out of sight, and not really a problem for us as they do not stand in our way any longer.
Whatever you did in your past doesn't stand in the way of where you are going. This is all about how you choose to look ar life, you can focus on negative things, or you can focus on positive things. You can choose to be in movement, or you can choose to sit still. But ultimately you are in control of your life, and you are in control of your self esteem.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): leave him, do not move in with this man. he has controlled your life it will get worse so leave him then move on. find some1 who really does care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): Hi Before you try and find a boyfriend, try investing time and effort in building your own confidence. Take pride in your makeup and how you dress. You will learn once you feel good on the outside and appreciate yourself, you will be confident to take on any date.
A lot of woman have things that they are self conscious about but they carry it well by just taking pride in your self.
Learn to love and respect yourself and every thing else will fall into place.
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