A
female
age
41-50,
*frica
writes:Hello, In Dec 2006 I was introduced to my 40yr old boyfriend who lives in UK while I live in South Africa. I’m 31 yrs old. We’ve never met physically but I love him to bits and because we are both divorcees and HIV+, the relationship has so much meaning. In the last 4 months, he doesn’t communicate as before or as often as I would like him to. It’s been frustrating coz it feels one sided as I'm the only one working hard at keeping the fire burning. He assures me of his love but assurance is not enough. I’m not a bad person but 2 months ago I met someone here who is also in a long distance relationship and we started this affair. I'm enjoying the attention and affection but my heart is still with my boyfriend. He’ll be visiting next month (for the first time) for a week then back to what we've been having.I'm feeling guilty and troubled but currently have no intentions of ending either my relationship or affair but I'm very bothered with the whole situation. I also worry about what my flat mate will think of me when my boyfriend visits for a week coz the affair guy won’t be coming around at that time. What should I do? Please advice.
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affair, divorce, flatmate, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Oh for heaven's sake! How can you "love to bits" someone you have never met in person?! Look: that so-called relationship is only POTENTIAL. It has no basis in the real world. Its so easy to form an idealized picture of someone when the only communication is through the internet and to build up a fantasy idea of him. No matter how much you think you have in common.
The other man is also in a long-distance relationship.
Don't continue with either one of them. You are HIV+ so must have had some bad experience in your past. Use some better judgment now!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Follow eyeswideopen's advice: break up with the long distance guy, and stay with the one you are now with. Apparently neither your boyfriend nor you are really into each other anymore.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Long distance romances only work when two people truly love each other and couldn't fathom the thought of being with someone else. You obviously don't love your boyfriend quite this way. Not that that is bad it just is the way it is. You need more "skin on" attention and affection and just can't cut it long distance. I suggest you discuss this with your boyfriend perhaps he is having difficulties along these lines as well. If he isn't and thinks you are being faithful to him then you need to clear that up because otherwise you are deceiving him and that isn't very nice is it? Please show him the respect every person deserves.
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