A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A guy broke up with me 5 years ago.We had built up imagined plans for a future together and I was devastated. I visited him and slept with him several times after the break-up, hoping he'd realise we had something and it was worth trying again. Etc. All that stuff.A year after the break-up he had a new girlfriend, and I began obsessively checking her Facebook. I looked her up on every social media platform I could find. He doesn't use Facebook so I guess I checked her because I couldn't check him. But also I was constantly comparing our appearances, telling myself I was thinner and prettier and that he had downgraded. I also slept with him again a couple of times, degrading myself. I had no confidence and would take any scrap of "evidence" that he actually preferred me to her. After all, he was willing to risk their relationship for a couple of nights with me, right?Fast-forward to the present, and I have an amazing boyfriend and a healthy relationship. I can recognise everything I have with him that I convinced myself I didn't need with the other guy: warmth and support and communication and steadiness. I am no longer in any contact with my ex. But still, I check up on his girlfriend. I have never even met her. Why on earth am I still doing this? Is it a confidence thing? I don't understand myself and was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 September 2016):
 It is habit, he is your past and you are probably curious. The best thing to do is block her page so you cannot see it and then if you go to check remember why you blocked it. You will have forgotten in no time.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (10 September 2016):
 You have become addicted to checking on her, just as you became addicted to your ex, even though you knew he was not good enough for you.
Try setting yourself targets. At first, go one day without checking on her. Then two days, and so on. Hopefully you will reach a day when you don't feel the need to check on her at all because, after all, she did you a favour and you have something much better now.
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