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I had sex with my married boss to keep my job and now I feel sick!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 September 2011) 14 Answers - (Newest, 3 October 2011)
A age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I think i have just had sex with my boss to save my job.

Ive always known hes fancied from since i started. but at the start of the year he told us that out of 3 of us 1 of us would get sacked. its just an office job but its a job so i decided i would fight dirty to win. however the other 2 fought dirtier and i was falling behind a bit. so knowing that he fancied me i decided to open a button or two to show my cleavage and wore a shorter skirt. i flirted with him too, i bent ove his desk a few times and even dropped a few pencils. i knew he had wife and kids but he was just eyeing me up so i saw nothing wrong with it. it was working though as i was getting his praises.

however, one day he invited me to his office. he unbuttoned a third button on my top and pulled it a part a bit to see my boobs. he then squeezed my bum and invited me to dinner. i felt a bit sick as a 49 year old groped me but i thought this would be it to secure my job.

that night i wore the sluttiest thing i own. a cleavage revealing top and a skirt the size of a belt. as soon as he saw me he kissed me. he kissed me and felt me up all night and i felt sick but i thought i had to do it.

then he announced that he had a hotel room. he said that he wanted to have sex with me. i said no, but as i walked out he said "you are the one getting sacked, but this may show youre the better person for the job". he had a sick grin on his face as i turned around. we had waful sex, i felt like i was a doll as he done all of the work and made all of the noises.

the next work morning he continued as if nothing happened, then he sent me an email, which was an email he sent to his boss singing my praises.

i dont know how to feel.

i know im probably not the best for the job but i need it yet i feel sick and disgusted at myself for the things ive done. can someone please help me or give me some advice?

View related questions: boobs, flirt, my boss

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A female reader, MonksDaBomb United States +, writes (3 October 2011):

MonksDaBomb agony auntOP - you're right, unfortunately we live in a tough economy where we can't just pick and choose our jobs. Chances are if you left, it would take a long time for you to get another job. Just watch your back and do what you said, that you'll report him if he ever makes a move on you or says something dirty to you again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the advice guys. I have going to keep this job as there arent many out there even though i have a sick freak for a boss. He hasnt even looked at me since that night, i dont know if its guilt or if he just needed sex. If he tries anything let that again however, i WILL report him to the police.

BYe

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (20 September 2011):

RedAthena agony auntYou had consensual sex with him. You both knew what you were doing. You were trading sex for job security.

If you traded cash-what would that be called?

You decided that you wanted to fight dirty to win. You did.

Your boss could be making that "offer" to the other candidates as well, using all of you, and still decide to choose to sack of you anyway!

If you stay on the job, he may continue to require you to "proove" yourself to KEEP the job.

No job is worth selling your soul and body for.

Find another job and earn your way the fair way.

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A female reader, MonksDaBomb United States +, writes (20 September 2011):

MonksDaBomb agony auntFind a new job!

You got what you wanted - you weren't the one getting sacked - but what is going to happen in the future? Is he constantly going to grope you? Is he going to get a hotel room every weekend and invite you over? You have to think of these things. Yes, you were able to salvage your job in the dirtiest way possible, but you may have unleashed a beast. Leave immediately!!

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A male reader, Hugh.J United Kingdom +, writes (20 September 2011):

Hugh.J agony auntAm I the only one to think that you brought it on yourself?

"knowing that he fancied me I decided to open a button or two to show my cleavage and wore a shorter skirt. I flirted with him too, I bent over his desk a few times and even dropped a few pencils."

Despite your feeling "sick" that a 49-year-old man groped you, you carried on with your plan.

What does that make you?

Frankly, it would have served you right if he had had his way with you and then sacked you for misconduct.

No sympathy here!

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (20 September 2011):

Anonymous 123 agony auntNo job in the world is worth your dignity, your soul, your body and your self respect. Take this as a lesson. Playing dirty never helped anyone.

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A female reader, PerhapsNot United States +, writes (20 September 2011):

PerhapsNot agony auntAs many already mentioned, you ought to look for another job ASAP. Most likely he will expect sexual favors at his whim. The only thing I can suggest to you is to have real evidence if you go to the HR or if you need to turn the tables on him. Record inappropriate conversations on your cell phone. Use technology to your advantage. Save questionable e-mails from him and watch your back.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011):

contact his wife and let he know what a creep he is!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011):

Let this be a lesson learned...somethings are not worth fighting for. If it is meant for u it will come to u. But now u will have that in the back of ur mind. Plus he can always still fire u and say thanks for the sex though. Never stoop to others level, do ur job to the best of ur ability. When he announced the termination, u should have immediately went in job hunt mode. Survivors tough difficult situations out. Look for another job in the meantime, bc u have just given him power over u. He knows the magic word is you're going to lose ur job if u don't. So every time he wants sex from u, he can do that. The best thing is to secure another job elsewhere without that environment. He could file sexual harassment on u. I really hope this is a lesson learned. Best wishes.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (19 September 2011):

natasia agony auntGet a new job. Get a new job. Get a new job.

There are a million trillion jobs in the world. I'm sure you are capable of getting another one. Even private cleaning would be a massive improvement on what you're doing now (and it pays £10 per hour, cash in hand, and you are your own boss ...).

You are right to feel disgusted by what happened - it was just sordid, and every time you see him, it will remind you of it. To be honest, you could take him to court for sexual harrassment, especially as he just threatened to sack you if you didn't do it.

But, you have a BIG lesson to learn here. You should have said 'fine, stick your bloody job' and walked out, and you would have had your pride.

I think you should hand your notice in tomorrow and find another job. I don't know how you can even stand to be there at all.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011):

Some heartless emotionless twisted people could have done this act easily, but I dont think you are one of them since you are seeking help.

I say its nothing you can change. What's done is done. The most important thing you can do is learn from this experience. At least you will be sure not to do anything like this again.

Sometimes it takes that one experience of something wrong, to realize how wrong it is.

Just try not to think about it too much and it will roll over!

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (19 September 2011):

Moo's Mum agony auntHonestly I would leave this job and find another. No job is worth selling yourself for and you have now put yourself in a position where he has enormous power over you. He will now expect you to sleep with him whenever you need to advance in your job. Leave now and salvage what diginity you have. Never ever put yourself in this position again there is always another job.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011):

I feel for you in way...why do you feel you had to give him your body to secure a job? He could be playing this dirty game and sleeping with all three of you. It doesnt seem to be his decision who gets the job but his supperior's (i gather this because he has to make recomendations through that email). I am sure his superior will look at actual results from your work to decide who is the best for the job. You may get fired anyway. If I were you I would start looking for another job for the following reasons: If you get to keep your job you will never feel comfortable again because of what transpired between you 2. Your boss may expect sexy clothing and sexual favors on a regular basis now and if you resist or deny him he may get you fired anyway, and worse, start treating you badly. Maybe he lied to get you in bed and in fact nobody is getting fired, in which case he is a sleeze and you don't want to work for someone like that. You are worth more than that so do yourself a favor and find another job and never ever think that you need to give away yourself to gain any kind of benefit.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011):

Well, you have certainly followed in the footsteps of millions of women from the past by doing this. It was wrong of you, that's for sure. But it was even more wrong of him. Not only is he a complete jerk for going behind his wife's back, he's also a criminial. At least he is here in the US. It is illegal to do what he did, sexual harrassment... etc...

If anyone should be sacked, it's him! And now that you have done this he may well use it over your head as a means to "keep" your job in the future. You have given him power over you by letting him know you will do that to keep your job.

My advice is you should seek legal council. Your job is headed down a dark road. Who knows what he will require from you next.... But this man is scum and should be fired, lose his wife and kids, and learn that just because he's a man with an office doesn't give him the right to treat women that way.

And you need to learn that you are worth more than that.

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