A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:HiMy financee works for a company I set up 3 years ago. The business is going poorly.I started with my own money, and it is in my name, as he has no money of his own.It has a overdraft of a few thousands of dollars now and no income coming in.I have been working myself to the bone doing 3 jobs to let him get the business going but now find I am exhausted 3 years later. I have asked him to find work and he has refused point blank.He locked himself in a room last time I asked!! I fund his children's holidays and visits and he takes time off to be with them (about 7 weeks a year).Now I have started to resent everytime he spends a $.I know I would not expect anyone to fund my responsibilites so why does he think it is OK? Is a financee expected to be this supportive?? And him so Unsupportive? Should I tell him get a job or move on? Trouble is I love him but does he really love me?
View related questions:
debt, money, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): I would tell him things are slow and no longer need him anymore. You're proabaly in the rear because of him anyway and from that day on I would never never never mix business with pleasure. Looks like you're carrying the whole load along, I would get rid of the sap sucker and wouldn't look back.
I feel your pain and hope things work out for. Some guys think they can just live of a women when they know they're suppose to be the head, he's a sorry man and he's happy with the job you gave him, If he was a real man that love you he would get another job to help save your business, better yet, if he was a real man that love you, you wouldn't be in this mess.
Wish You Luck
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (6 July 2012):
 HOLD IT. This is stickier than simply a "He uses me financially" situation. You need to watch your legal back.
You have to split your problem into two parts here.
1. He is your employee. If he is on your payroll, and you're paying him a salary, you have serious legal protocol to go by. If you're paying him, to try and force him out to get another job could be actionable legally. I don't know the legal employment laws in Australia, but in the US, many sexual harassment cases are won by ex-lovers who break up with their bosses and find themselves pushed out.
You need to pay him his salary and nothing more. No funding trips, no extras, no messy books. Everything must be airtight. If he is underperforming, document it, hold meetings with him like you would boss to employee. If he's not, and your business is simply not doing well, then talk to your lawyer and find out the at-will laws in your country.
Your fiance doesn't refuse to get a job. He has the one you gave him. You've gotta be really careful telling him that to support you, he has to leave your company.
2. Your relationship: Financial and money problems ruin the best of love stories. You put your financial future at risk by dating a subordinate when you're the owner of a business. You have to tread very carefully when it comes to breakups. Again, consult a lawyer, tell him or her the situation, and find out how to proceed so as to cover your business.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (6 July 2012):
 I am so sorry that you are facing this demoralising situation. Where he should be supporting you he instead has used you financially.
Working so very hard in your business and yet watching it not break-even must indeed be frightening.
It is a situation that needs to be resolved. With Practical Strategic decisions to get you into a better financial position to face the future.
One of the Aunts on this site, ChiGirl, has written a wonderful article on aavoiding being used financially
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-avoid-being-used-financially.html
ChiGirl's article is worth a read, because you are being financially used.
He may be a scintillating company, have the gift of charming everyone - BUT only as long as he is getting out of you what he wants, to meet his financial needs.
Why should he work hard? In a job where he is required to help the company to make a profit?
When he can swan around working for you?
While you preside over a business that is exhausting you with the worry of running it as you watch the business bleed money?
Just watch him disappear when the money runs out.
You are in am impossible financial position if this continues.
Of course you need to stop supporting him financially - he is bleeding you dry. And you no longer have the spare funds to continue to support him in the manner to which he believes he is entitled and is accustomed to enjoy, due to your Generosity?
Of course you need to sack him as you cannot afford his services.
Do not be afraid to call the Police if he tries to remain on your business premises.
Change the locks at home.
He is using you and taking advantage of you. He should be more responsible about meeting his own obligations.
If you really pulled the financial plug he would probably get a job within 24 hours, AND try to sue you for half your assets.
I do hope you have kept really good records of all the money he has siphoned away from you, for his own needs and the needs of his original family.
Tell him you need a six month break. If not longer. A break from him in every way. Then use the six months to put your finances in order and get back on track.
once you have changed the locks then put his things all packed on the front steps, for when he gets back
While the money is still flowing he will stick to you like glue.
When the money runs out you will not see him for dust.
He is treating you like his own personal moneybank.
Withdraw that financial support and you will soon see how much he cares
Yes, for your own financial survival you do need to Insist that he moves on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (6 July 2012):
 You ask if a Fiancée is supposed to be that supportive, why not ask if a Fiancé is supposed to be financially supported even if the person supporting faces huge debts for doing so, to not work, to sulk behind closed doors rather than face an adult conversation, to expect and to take without giving anything in return.
Should a relationship be all one sided, with one person giving, giving, giving and the other taking, taking, taking?
What usually happens when there is an imbalance is that something topples over ..... he needs to pull his weight before the relationship topples, and takes you with it!
...............................
|
