A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear agony aunts, I am feeling a bit down at the moment. Why? Because like you I am an agony aunt but unfortunately my ratings have been going down and it makes me feel well (excuse my French)…“sh***y.” I don’t think I give bad advice so I don’t understand why someone would rate me as poor or very poor. Average maybe but definitely not poor. I know that that is subject to my opinion but I do not think it is fair to rate someone as poor when clearly they are not. I know this seems like a trivial matter to you and maybe I’m being silly because everyone has his or her own opinion and that I shouldn’t be too concerned about it but truthfully, I am. All I was trying to do was help people. I’ve never given people advice that will harm them, and I’ve never given offensive advice. Now I feel like never visiting this site again. I have written this anonymously because I feel embarrassed. Maybe I gave the question asker the truth and they just couldn’t handle it and so retaliated by rating me as poor. Have you had a similar experience? How do you feel on the odd occasion where someone rates you as poor? Do you just take it in your stride or do you feel a bit low about it like I’m feeling now? Or are you just so good that you have no idea what I’m talking about? ? If so good for you. I’m being silly aren’t I? I shouldn’t really worry about it should I? It’s not a big deal right? My intentions were good so I shouldn’t worry about it. But in the same way that you feel good when someone rates you as excellent aren’t I allowed to feel bad if someone rates me as poor? Would love to hear your response. Thanks.xoxox Reply to this Question
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female
reader, NuttyGooner  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 It happens to me all the time - I have the habit of giving people what the advice they don't want to hear (my ratings have improved recently, and my Aunt friends don't understand where I am going wrong! LOL!) - but usually it is the truth, but they need their rosy specs shaken off!
Who cares about ratings, advice is an opinion on a matter, they don't have to take your advice if they don't like it.
The real marker of good advice is when the questioner responds to you in your mailbox - I get a lot of satisfaction out of that.
Isn't making the world a better place more important than a few stars, honey?
Email me if you want a natter
Nutty xxx
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reader, DearCupid +, writes (30 January 2007):
 Hi - PM me with your username if you like and I'll let you know my comments.
Andrew (site guy)
PS. Like Martini has said some aunt's give provoking advice (often good, still) and they will get more "bad" ratings -- but in fact the number of good ratings may be as high or higher than those with "hearts" next to their names.... because their responses are passionate and generate more ratings.
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reader, ady  +, writes (28 January 2007):
 the main issue is to be cogent to your self at first and as you explain you try hard to provide your suggestion to help others to pass over the problems ; so just continue in this manner and you will get what you want as others understand your words.
best regard;
ady
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): No, not shallow...human. Just know your contributions are appreciated and needed.
Take Care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): Hi everyone! I'm the one who wrote this question. I'd just like to say thank you so much each and every one of you for your comforting and encouraging words! I feel tonnes better! You're all right, I shouldn't let it get me down. And as for telling you who I am... well, I'm still pretty embarrassed about writting this question so that will remain a mystery. lol. No, I did not join this website for popularity reasons I genuinely wanted to help people by giving advice, but I was just honestly admiting that it's not a great feeling when someone rates you as poor. That's all I was saying. I hope you don't think I'm shallow or anything.
Anyway, thanks again. I didn't expect to get so many responses but it's great to know that so many of you wanted to help. You have all made me feel a lot better. Thanks.
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female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (27 January 2007):
 Remember the reason why you decided to become an agony aunts. I am sure it wasn't for the ratings.
If you gave about advice to 100 people and helped 1 person out of that, looking at the ratings you could have 99% poor response but if you have made a different in one person's life in this world, doesn't that make it worthwhile?
Ratings are given by people giving their opinion as well which they are entitled too.
Who's to say who is right and who is wrong? We are all different with individual needs and goals.
Don't let numbers get to you, never give up and keep going, your opinion matters.
My ratings are not the best, but sometimes it could also mean that there are people giving better advice than me.
Being sensitive about others opinion just shows that you have compassion towards others, which you can use to pass on, so I am sure that your answers are great.
Take care x
Angel of Love
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (27 January 2007):
 People either love or hate my advice. I have crappy ratings, but I also have help to give. If I can help one person then I will do so. Please don't let the ratings system make you miserable.
xx
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (27 January 2007):
 My advice is to focus on answering questions where you have had some personal experiences similar to the poster. When I first started here I answered a lot of questions where I was pretty much guessing, now I try to stick to areas where I can relate directly to the question. When you share your experiences with someone they will often be more appreciative and open to criticism.
A also agree with the other aunts here. Sometimes the truth does hurt and telling someone what they hear is going to initially upset them. In other words, a low rating doesn't necessarily mean a bad rating, it could be just that you are answering sensitive questions truthfully.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): And to further my comment (sorry, I forgot to mention this before), check this out:
Good: 47.36%
Average: 15.36%
Poor: 37.28%
That's means 37% of the people are anti-martini, or the least find Martini a hopeless dolt of sorts. [waves fist and sticks out tongue] 8]
Eg: If you look at Eddie's comments, he has sound pretty sound advice. He tries to make people think of their woes, rather than outright give advice at times. Just as quite a few others. As with what Malyce had said, "We have our own unique perspective and our own way of thinking, feeling, and expressing" and what David said about truths, "Some people just don't like to hear the truth."
Ms. 30-35 Anon, don't worry about it so much. You're not being silly. If only I know who you are tho... [wink]
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): I think everyone here has usable advice to some degree. If I was worried about bad ratings that much, I would not still be here. When I first came here 12 months ago and for months after that, I had really poor ratings. Then for about a month, I ended up on the Top Agony Aunts list, then again wiped. Considering I rarely sugar coat my words, and I don't selectively sweet talk my way into people's delusive issues, I more often than not, do acquire a few bad reps here and there. It's a given. If I have to express myself in a way to compromise my own personal style and beliefs, then I might as well NOT come back to DC ever again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): I personally think poor ratings happen when someone took offense to your advice, sometimes not enough information is given to make a case for anything and you have to assume a few things in order to give the best advice, sometimes when doing this I hit the mark or it offends someone to be told something that an objective observer will see in their behavior or problem, it is human nature not to want to take responsibility for your own contribution to a problem in a relationship.
I don't think it helps any one to sugar coat the truth or tell them what you think they want to hear, that may be what they are looking for, the reassurance that they will have what they want from a bad relationship partner, but it would not help them any not to give your honest opinion and recipe for changing their situation.
I wouldn't worry too much about it, you have a right to your opinion and if someone does not like it, then they are truly beyond help because they don't want to change or view things in a different perspective. I don't think you are probably writing useless advice.
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reader, DeeDoc +, writes (27 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Oh sweetie, I know how you feel. I do not know how long you have been an Agony Aunt, but when I first started, I was horrified at my ratings. But, as time went by, I felt that the ratings did not matter. What mattered was the fact that I was giving advice from my heart and if others thought it was bad, that was their opinion and they have a right to it. BUT, some people can feel a bit intimidated by your great advice and maybe feel if they rate you poorly, it will make themselves feel a bit better about their ratings. Please do not stop giving your advise. I can tell that you are very sincere about this site, as you should. You have a helpful personality and also feel good about your advise. Don't let the ratings reduce you to re-examining your advice. XX =o)
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reader, DocSilverback +, writes (27 January 2007):
 Just keep on doing your thing!! State how you feel from your heart. A lot of people do not want to hear constructive critisism, therefore, they are apt to rate as poor. SO BE IT! If what you say helps at least ONE person, it is well worth being on here. I care not what the ratings are, but feel at some point, I bring a bit of reality to their world. The truth hurts almost always. They just have to deal with it. Feel good about giving advise that was asked for.
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reader, CarrieMagdelene +, writes (26 January 2007):
 I understand your question. A vast majority of my own responses is 'good' or 'excellent', but it's always those one or two 'poor' votes that gets me down. I usually don't vote on advice I think is bad, only on the stuff that's good. When I DO vote 'poor' it's usually because I can't understand a word the responder is saying. Bad typing skills can be fixed, you know? Punctuation and spelling. The biggest thing for me, though, is that sometimes the truth can REALLY hurt, and although the truth is best, sugar-coating is sometimes neccesary in a stressful situation. Also, tone. Tone is what really gets me. Sometimes, I read advice from numorous people on here, and it just sounds pretty snippy. Or completely useless. I admit to being the asker of the 'my boyfriend hurt me on accident while we were play-wrestling, and now he's afraid to play rough with me' question. I asked a serious question, and all I got was 'take up pro-wrestling' and 'foxy boxing?'. That's not helpful. I rated them poor, and for a good reason.
It's important to be helpful, but not to stress your own opinion when it isn't asked for. The questions like 'should I give him a blow job?' or 'what will sex be like?' are commonly asked by 13/15 year old girls, and I can tell your right now, I wouldn't want to be told 'you don't need to do that now.' or 'you're too young'. It's better the educate then wind up with a pregnant 14 year old, don't you think?
Again, the way you voice your advice, and the way you gently explain your reasoning, is the key to weather or not you get good advice. I try to voice my experience, but not what I thought of it. Good luck and hope your ratings change! -Carrie
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): If you want to PM me and tell me who you are I'll read your advice, in confidence.
It could be that people are purposely voting bad for your answers, it seems to happen to all people on here at some point, usually when you're not really that well known. I was told this very thing when I was new but that they usually sort themselves out over time. I'm sure your advice is great!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): Well I didn't come to this site for popularity reasons so I don't think you should be worrying about your ratings. If you do indeed give fair advice...then that is what truly matters.
We have our own unique perspective and our own way of thinking, feeling, and expressing.
I say just keep giving your advice and those who can appreciate it and hear it for what it is...that is what truly matters.
I have the crappiest ratings for the longest of times and it was rather comforting as to me, it signified that alot of people were reading my advice and at least I was getting them to think or feel something.
I wouldn't personalize the ratings.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): I have always wondered why there is a necessity to rate the answers given in this column....could someone give an explanation as to why it is necessary. I can see it as being helpful if you are trying to get quality feedback from the aunts but it is not good if people are offended or hurt by it.
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reader, David Lewis +, writes (26 January 2007):
 Some people just don't like to hear the truth. Some will ask something and be told that they are in the wrong for whatever reason. The person does not agree and may rate poorly.
I like to rate purely based on unbiased answers, but there have been the odd answer I have rated poor, basically because it has been more insulting than helpful.
A good answer has depth and explains the reasons for each comment. Maybe your answers have not really contained detail or reasoning behind your answer, or maybe the question asker just disagrees with you.
Without knowing your identity, it is hard to ascertain why your rates are not as good as you hoped.
In my opinion, good answers are the ones which contain truth and good advice and some can seem pretty blunt. Unfortunately, these are the types of answers which do get rated badly. This is usually because the question asker believes themselves to be in the right and does not want to hear otherwise. If the aunts and uncles on here were worried about the ratings, we probably could not give advice as beneficial.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 January 2007):
 Check out my ratings, that should cheer you up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): No offense, but I think you are waisting way to much time and energy on this. Everybody has different opinions, wheather good or bad or just plain indifferent. You're advice may seem good to you because you're not going through or have not been through the same type of experiences, but may not be as good to the person who is going through the situation. It could also just be the people that you are responding to. Maybe they just can't accept good advice. If I were you, I wouldn't waste anymore time worrying about it. State your advice, if they like it they do, if not, move on!
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reader, cd206 +, writes (26 January 2007):
 I often wonder if the reason for my poor results is cos I tell the truth. I think everyone on this site thinks they give excellent advice though and there are only 100 spots for the top agony aunts. If you've been on the site less than a week dnt sweat it since it took a week for my ratings to get me on the board but apart from that, without knowing which agony aunt, or uncle you are I can't say why you're not getting ratings.
CD
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