A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We have been hanging round with another couple for about a year now. My boyfriend is a very outgoing, flirtatious person naturally but something has been bothering me. Our two friends, Michelle and Danny, well Danny does not have a mobile so whenever we arrange to go out it is usually arranged between either myself and Michelle or my boyfriend Sam and Michelle. Well I am pretty sure my boyfriend is attracted to Michelle; he is always being touchy-feely with her and flirty but then he is like that with many people. However, I recently found some messages which I have found disturbing and I don’t know if I have the right to be concerned about it or I am just being paranoid.So the other day there was a message on Sam’s phone from Michelle. He had sent Michelle a text saying he was planning on going out on Saturday in the local town to a restaurant. She replied back asking if two oldies were invited (meaning her and her boyfriend Danny) to which my boyfriend Sam replied “you mean Lottie (me) and Danny?” and she said “hahahaha yes ;-P” and he replied “if we have to”. Then some other conversation and she said “so who is going out?” and he replied “not sure at the moment just finding out who fancies it, so at the moment just me and you” and she replied “sounds good to me ” and he replied “you mean you would be happy if it was just you and me?” and she replied “hahaha you will get me in trouble!! Of course I would be happy if it was me and you, but also Lottie and Danny” and he replied “I was going to say Lottie and Danny would not be happy”.He has asked me about going out on Saturday with Michelle and Danny but I have not confirmed either way. I am just a little bit jealous of their recent text exchange. He doesn’t know I have seen the texts. What do I do? Do I have the right to be suspicious of them? I have noticed that when they are sat side by side their arms are always touching. He also takes lots of pictures of her when we are all out but he also takes them of other people too, so not sure if this means anything.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2017): This is what I would do.
Cut all contact with the other couple immediately.
You don't have to tell him why. Just say you have outgrown them, are bored of them, want to find new friends or do things together just you and him instead.
See how he reacts.
If he insists, tell him he can go alone or find a new girlfriend to double date with.
Period, end of story.
Sometimes we need to nip things in the bud. That means cutting people out of your life. Yes, it's drastic but there is NOTHING more effective.
Just hope he doesn't go behind your back. Keep those eyes wide open!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2017): If I had a boyfriend who had messaged another woman jokily suggesting that he and the friend meet without me and then adds the comment 'if we have to ' when she mentions ME going, then you can bet your bottom dollar that there would be no dinner, no talking and no more relationship.I am finding it hard to believe that others are suggesting a chat and attending a dinner with him. The only reason I would go would be to make sure he's wearing the dinner before I left. Honesty how much disrespect do you need before you show him the door?Just knowing that he's taking like this about me to anyone, man or woman would be enough for me to lose all respect for him. I would not be able to let him anywhere near me again. He has just implied that he doesn't want your company. That as far as he's concerned, you're in the way. This lady might fancy him but at least she's not taking the bait ....yet. No brainier for me. He's gone.How could you be happy with your self esteem intact if you stayed with him?My advice is to find someone much more worthy of your time and attention and have a lot of fun doing so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2017): The text exchange is really crossing a line. I would wonder why your boyfriend is doing this? Does he feel that you have more of a social life than he does or somehow inadequate and is trying to compensate? Or is he simply just very attracted to Michelle? In any case this is not good. I would maybe give this man one more shot MAX, but he is clearly always going to be a flirt, so it would probably just be better to leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2017): I agree with the previous post of advices .. the only additional aspect I would suggest would be having this chat before the night out .. or leaving this week be as a foursome and making it a twosome only .
I can only imagine, if I were you - how I would feel keeping this all bottled up until the day after . The talk is indeed needed . And I would suggest that the hanging out together, all together, is not as important or even near enough, your feelings . I feel, you need to get some grip of what is going on here as his texts are not friendly or just flirty .. there is implied and suggestion about meeting alone ( though done lightly it's still there ) and what if her responses had been different, what then ? No, you clearly must pull the reins in here - or he will walk all over you like a door mat .
Know your worth .. own it and show him that if he doesn't know it or respect it then that is his loss . ( he doesn't need to wait on the door hitting his ass to leave )
He either loves you, respects you and wants to be with just you .. or it's time to find someone who will . Personally; I don't see why he is texting her anyway ??
I think you need to do more coupley things .. and maybe once in a while and at the minute I would suggest a long while ; meet up with this other couple .
Let's us know how it works out .. have the discussion . You have nothing to be ashamed of . You read the texts .. he wrote them .. he deals with the consequences. Just be prepared that he may walk .. and if he does .. you have your answer
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 September 2017):
 I agree with WiseOwlE,
Talk to him. Be classy about it. Ask him HOW he would feel if you acted the SAME way with Danny (or another dude). Tell him you have noticed and that it bothers you and why. I would also include a talk about boundaries and what's OK and what is not, in a relationship - in YOUR relationship. Trust and respect are not always a sturdy notion. And I would also mention that you DO understand that being outgoing, flirty is part of who he is and something you love about him, that however should also be done with RESPECT for you.
You don't want the friendship with the other couple to be weird, right? And don't you think at some point it would be if this doesn't get nipped in the bud?
Don't make it dramatic. Make it a NICE conversation (at home) over a dinner and bottle of wine.
Go out all 4 on Saturday. Have the conversation... Sunday.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2017): Flirting is one thing and I understand some people are naturally like this but I think this is maybe crossing the line. I would not say anything at the moment and continue to monitor the situation. If you say anything at this point it would only make it harder to prove your partner is willing to cheat regardless of who it is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2017): I might suggest you re-read your post. If you notice them being chummy when around each other; and you have read obvious flirtations in their messages. Isn't it time to say something to your boyfriend?
He flirted about just being with her, he sits too cozy beside her making actual physical contact, and takes pictures of Michelle. Time to remind your boyfriend who you are; and that he's already in a committed-relationship.
If you notice they maintain a lot of focus between them; then you have a right to tell your boyfriend how you feel about it.
I also suggest that you express your feelings to Danny; but make sure you explain that you're not absolutely sure, and only want to be sure he's aware too!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (23 September 2017):
 Yes there is a little too much flirting going on. Handle it by openly mocking them in front of others. They will know then they have been spotted and need to reel it in.
Nevertheless still keep a weather eye on the two of them afterwards, and tell Danny so he can watch keep a bead on them too.
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