A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 3 months. My friends don't think she is trustworthy. The other day I was going through her phone and I noticed a text from a guy named John. I clicked on it and it said thing like I want you so bad and I wish your hard dick was in my mouth and rubbing up against me. Then my girlfriend went on to say I'll send you a naughty text later to go to sleep with. I asked her who he was and she said he is a friend from college he lives in Wisconsin now. I love my girlfriend and I sleep next to her every night so I am pretty sure she isn't cheating on me.Should I confront her about it, or just keep looking through her phone?I am afraid if I confront her she will get angry I am invading her privacy. But I think it is really messed up that she would talk like that to another guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): I am in a relationship with a woman who had feelings for an ex even after we were together pretty seriosuly a few months. I had a gut feeling things were amiss, then several months later, snooped on her emails and found out she invited him over for sex once. Nothing happened (I know because i was with her all the time, including the weekend he was invited over). However, it decimated my trust in her for a long time. I'm still affected by it, but every single ounce of information and vibe I get from her indicates it was a one off...a momentary lapse of reason and she even said so.
So you may be dealing with residual feelings here that amount to nothing other than fantasy. THat said, I would not tolerate it myself. She needs to end it with him to be committed to you, if that's the goal here.
A
female
reader, Gemmahh  +, writes (27 October 2010):
i think you should confront her and not look through her phone because in every relationship you got to have trust and without trust there is no relationship so i think you should sit her down and ask whats been going on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): You have a right to know if your gf is cheating on you, that includes looking through her phone. She is not good GF material if she is sending texts like that while she is seeing you. Drop her like yesterday's newspaper.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 October 2010):
 You have only been dating her for 3 months, I say dump her. Sorry I don't have any patience for cheaters. And in my book she is cheating on you. Maybe not physically, but emotionally she she definently "screwing" around with the other guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): I am not living with her I just sleep over all the time.
My one friend knows her that is how I met her.
She works all day and then we usually meet up after so there really isn't much time for her to cheat.
Some times I just feel stuck I want to believe she really cares about me and wants to be with me, but when I found that it changed my view.
I know she wold be pissed if she know I went through her phone but I am pissed as well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): It's one thing to think about and fantasize about a man's dick in your mouth and doing things with him. That's just fantasy.
That is not cheating, it's fantasizing.
It is another to tell him about it or text him about it.
That is cheating emotionally.
It is another thing to actually do it.
That is cheating physically.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Wow. So checking the phone of the person you are dating, I don't see how it is a big deal at all. I think relationships should be open. I can't even understand how to be in a relationship where your phone would be "off limits" to your partner. I mean who the hell are you talking to that your partner can't know about..? Now saying this, there should be a discussion about it, not just snooping and keeping it to yourself. Obviously that isn't an open relationship either. Anyhow, dump her. No need to find out what's going on. Seriously even if she isn't physically cheating on you, you are fine to be sleeping next to a girl who text cheats on you?? And John is a friend from college..? Strange interpretation of friends and she is already a liar. This person isn't serious about you or is just a cheater. Either way I mean really, do lasting relationships have a point in time that their partner was sexting an ex behind the other's back? Yeah I don't think so. I don't care how unserious she is or how long it has been, that's no excuse to cheat on someone. And excuse my language but just because the cock hasn't been put in her mouth yet doesn't mean she isn't a cheater. Confront her if you want but definitely break up. What the hell kind of excuse could be plausible and okay for this behavior anyway..? Don't be stupid. Move on before she really hurts you.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Personally I don't have any female or male friends who don't check their partners phones, so everyone stop taking the moral high ground about that.
I don't mind my partner checking mine, because I know there is nothing on there that I would want or have to hide from him. So let him check away ... and everyone should feel the same.
OK, you checked her phone - totally natural thing to do, even if other people won't admit to doing the same. Wrong in one way, but right in another, because you found out that she can't be trusted.
She is more than just flirting with this guy - she is practically having sex with him by phone. But maybe he is an old flame, or someone she was seeing before you. Either way, she obviously hasn't been with you long enough, or isn't serious enough about you, to have stopped her flirtations/liaisons with this guy.
I understand that you don't want to admit you checked her phone - and I agree, I don't think you should. To my mind, she really isn't trustworthy - I don't know how you feel about her, but you need to sort this out, or stop her doing this. Why not delete the guy's number from her phone, and then see what happens? She might confront you, in which case you confess you looked, got angry, and deleted him. And then you ask her what the fxxx those messages meant.
If she doesn't ask you, drop it in another way. Oh, your phone rang the other day and this guy John was asking for you ... who is he really? Is he your ex or something?
You have to either come straight out with it, or make her uncomfortable with your questions and see where it goes.
Or just tell her you found the text and you are on the verge of splitting up with her, and what is her explanation?
What you can't do is let this go. Your snooping is nothing compared to her texting. Remember that.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (26 October 2010):
From a third party perspective, I cant help but to read these kind of statements to translate to something like -"You know, my car was stolen last week. A few days later, I saw a very similar car parked in my neighbors driveway, who buy the way has a very extensive criminal record of auto theft. In fact, it was the same make, model, year, and color. It even had the very same dent in the right fender. Being a bit suspicious, when no one was looking I walked up to it and looked in the window. To my surprise, I saw that somehow this car had the very same hat in the backseat that I left in mine, had the very same fuzzy dice hanging from the window, and had a bookbag with my name on it (just like the one I lost the day my car was stolen) in the passenger seat."My question for the board is -1 - Do you think this could actually be my car?2 - How bad do you think it is that I actually looked in the window without asking him?What shall I do???????*Sigh*
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (26 October 2010):
You're sleeping next to her each night. You two been dating for three months. You wonder why theirs no trust between the two of you. You two don't know each other. Why would you spy in the first place then ask her about it. I bet you have a mental strike against you. It doesn't take her long to move in with a guy does it.
First thing first keep your friends out of your relationship. Its a killer and telling another guy she's easy is just to tempting for most males. Your friend may visit you when your not home. Your girlfriend had a life before you, so quit thinking that she's a virgin and move on. If I was you I will make a decision am I going to try to make this work or am I going to try to re-live her past all your question and concern needed to be address before you two moved in together not afterwards. Shacking up together has you mind going everywhere.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Your relationship lacks serious trust. You need to confront that first and foremost, as the others have said. The problem is, snooping in her phone is a serious no-no. If you bring THAT up she will be pissed.
Why do you friends think she can't be trusted? Not including those texts, has she ever given you reason not to trust her? You say you're "pretty sure" she's not cheating on you? Are you basing your mis-trust on what other people say about her or do you have your own doubts?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Confront her and see if she can explain that naughty text. She already has a suspicion you looked at her phone because why else would you randomly ask who John is...I bet she comes up with some excuse that he wants to screw her and she just said that to get him to leave her alone. Next, I would proceed to break up with her because like your friends said she's not trustworthy this text just proves their right. If she loved you and wanted to be with you then she wouldn't be texting John naughty texts. Instead you would be receiving them!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Well yes, you should ask her..asap.
But don't snoop around like this too often :)
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 October 2010):
 If that's a friendly text then I want to be her friend!
You need to confront this. You were most definitely in the wrong by searching through her phone. You are also right to be upset by such a find. I know I wouldn't stand for my GF telling some other guy she wants his "hard cock in her mouth." Nope, no way, no how.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Firstly - not great to go through her phone but you obviously had a reason to think something was not right - and were proved correct. I think she has shown you what sort of person she is - those texts prove she is flirting (at best) and probably at least emotionally involved with this guy - what would happen next? Yeah you could carry on checking her phone but honestly how long do you want to go on in a relationship like that? Did she apologise for hurting you like this? It sounds like she just made an excuse and hoped to get away with it. Maybe you should make a decision about whether you can really trust her - sometimes other people (like your friends) can be more objective from a distance. I don't think she is taking her relationship with you very seriously.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 No dont keep looking through her phone as this is an invasion of privacy and it is WRONG!!!! You obviously had doubts about her in the first place to check up on her in the first place. Tell her what you found and how much it has hurt you be honest with her and take it from there and see what she has to say for herself.
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