A
female
age
41-50,
*osainna
writes:I have been married for over a year now. my husband has become distant in our relationship. I recently found a bill with calls and texts to one number on a daily basis, ranging from one up to six times a day for the last 3 months. I confronted my husband about this and he told me she was his ex girlfriend who had dumped him years ago. First he denied the level of calls and texts he sends to her. Then when I show my husband the proof he said he was she is new to the area and has a few problems he is helping her out by providing emotional, financial support and friendship. I asked my husband if it's all so innocent why have you kept this from me, when she is obviously a huge part of your life with that level of contact. My husband goes out of his way to help her and doesn't put the same effort into fixing thing with our relationship when he's to busy to talk and spend time with me. I feel like there are three people in this relationship. He thinks I'm overreacting and that level of contact with a ex is normal for a married man. My husband has really made me feel insecure and unimportant to a point were I'm doubting my own judgement and don't think we have a future together. Am i being unreasonable? Do you think I'm over reacting?
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ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure, married man, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Ziggy Z  +, writes (3 May 2008):
You are not over reacting. He is financially helping her. Clearly this is more than an emotional affair.
A
female
reader, malvern + ♥, writes (3 May 2008):
 You are not over reacting or being unreasonable at all. Your husband, however, is being very unreasonable. He's enjoying the attention from this woman. He's a married man and he is putting his marriage in jeapordy. He must stop contacting her. If you can find out her phone number I would give her a ring and very politely and courteously tell her that you would prefer it if she didn't keep ringing your husband and asking for his help.
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (2 May 2008):
I wouldnt attack him with any more questions. I would flatly state that he should have no further contact with her then say unless he introduces her to you - that way you may be of some help to her from a womans point of view to learn the area - That way you can befriend the enemy - so to speak - She may not even know he is married - but he def shold not be giving her any money without your knowledge!
Yep it seems to be a bad situation but I think if you meet her and just play curious that hopefully he will be uncomfortable enough to continue and the ex gf may have see you two together and leave him alone then -
Let her know what great resources you have and introduce her to a male or female friend you can trust -
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (2 May 2008):
 No I dont!
How dare he do that behind your back, then tell you that you are over-reacting. He is your husband and he should tell you everything important. If he is phoning her a few times a day, I would say thats pretty important. Sorry but his behaviour stinks! and makes me really angry.
Tell him you dont want him to contact her behind your back again. If he really wants to help her, then he should introduce her to you (his wife). If he wont do this, then tell him he is risking your marriage. I'm not saying that anything is going on between them, but he just shouldnt make you feel like their is.
XX
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): Forsaking all others as long as you both do live.
Tell him to break all contact with this woman, if he doesn't divorce him.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Aunt tilly +, writes (2 May 2008):
 No you are not over reacting or being unreasonable, I would feel exactly the same way. You,ve only been married a year you two should still be in honey moon period, Sounds to me that the ex has made a big impact on him, and why has she moved to the area you live in? He has done one thing and that is could,nt continue to deny his contact with her as you confronted him with the truth. Why is he also giving her finacial support that does,nt quite add up hun no wonder you feel insecure. Ask him again if this ex means anything to him, tell him how its making you feel and that your doubting your future as a couple, Explain to him that he cant save the world and the ex has to make her own way in it without him.Tell him you love him and that you want a future together thats why you married him but that the situation cant continue the way it is with a third party, and that he needs to concentrate on your relationship. Explain also that whilst he may insist that he,s only helping her, he is being deceitful with you by trying to hide it so therefore making the situation look more sinister. Make sure you also make him realize that this is most certainly not normal behaviour for a married man, ask him how he,d feel if the boot was on the other foot and it was you doing the same thing. As a last resort you could try ringing her and asking her what she up to. God Luck Hun.
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