A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for some time now and it has been amazing and I utterly admire him but the thing is I don't know what we are.He is all sweet and kind and all touchy and shows affections when I'm with him even in public, he is very playful, like he makes me really laugh and tickles me, runs after me. It is all way too sweet but when we aren't together he seems kind of distant, like I can text him and he replies after a really long time or the next day even though he is online. I don't understand what we are.I can't ask him because I don't want to look attached; his affections are greater after sex . Can it be a sign he only wants sex and nothing more serious ? But he still asks me out on dates, to go to the movies and grab something to eat and he doesn't really get frustrated when we are in the middle of sex and I decide to stop, on the contrary he hugs and kisses me and then cuddle. There was this one time I told him " I won't hurt you " he said " good " ?I fear rejection maybe or that I might lose what we have if I asked for something more official or at least clearer than that, how can I tell him that I want him without looking too clingy or attached ?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 February 2017):
 Honestly you need to speak to him about this. Trust your gut instinct. It sounds to me like he is just wanting something casual, off course I could be wrong. Depending how long you have both been dating I would ask him what the future holds. I would hate to see you getting hurt if he is only interested in sex. It does sound like he is not making enough off an effort with you.
A
female
reader, anniegat  +, writes (21 February 2017):
i think he's just after sex and nothing serious
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017): If you can offer a guy your body, you have every right to ask him what his intentions are; and if he wants a commitment.
You are offering him everything and he should reciprocate. Your body is not bait, it is a reward. It is offered in exchange for love, respect, affection, kindness, faithfulness, and loyalty. He has to prove to you that you are worth something to him, and he values your trust and affection. Not just hop into bed whenever he sees you.
Buttering you up just to get under your skirt! You are worth and deserve much more than that, my dear! You should know this.
As for the messaging part. Some people just aren't that much into it. I myself don't care for around the clock brainless chit-chat just to keep tabs on my whereabouts; and interrupting whatever I'm doing at the time. No matter how trivial it is, it's my "me" time, or I'm working. I do answer my boyfriend promptly, but he doesn't see the need to text me all day. Both of us have very busy lives, and we value seeing each other more.
You have much to learn if you think giving a guy sex before you know his intentions, and using sex as a way to keep him.
He has to tell you if your relationship is official, and you have to let him know that you prefer having sex with a guy who is your boyfriend, and willing to stop seeing other girls. I hope you always use condoms. Casual-sex isn't worth receiving an STD, or an unplanned pregnancy. Doesn't matter if you're on the pill. It doesn't protect you from STD's!
Don't let boys decide where the relationship goes. They'll leave an opening for them to fool around with you, and other girls at the same time. Say nothing, and as far as he's concerned his options are open; and he can have sex with whomever he pleases.
If he rejects you, then all he wanted was sex. He will have less respect for you for being so easy to use; and he will mess around with other girls, because he has no official commitment to you. What you are to him at the moment is a friend with benefits. He can still consider himself a single-guy.
If you're willing to give-up your heart and body, what are you getting in return that is worth all that? Just a friend?!!
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 February 2017):
 The thing is with younger people these days that they want things to be much more casual. I think it's pretty rare for the male to bring up the 'what are we?' Talk, so unless you do I don't think you're ever going to find out.
If you ask and he doesn't want a relationship, is it a bad thing that you 'lose' what you have? Of course not, why would it be? You're weeding out someone who's essentially wasting your time that you could be spending in a relationship with someone who wants the same things as you.
Sure you'll be upset and feel like your world is going to implode. But is it really? If you don't ask and just go along with things for the sake of it you're really doing yourself a disservice and in the long run you're going to get yourself much more hurt. Unless you're 100% happy with your current situation, which let's be honest you're not or else you wouldn't be on this website, then you need to ask where this is going and get your answer.
If he says yes, fantastic, if not, this guy clearly wasn't the right person for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 February 2017):
 Don't settle. You need to be mature enough to speak your mind, or you shouldn't be dating/having sex.
Ask him where you stand. You don't want to keep what you have; you want more. If you don't want the same thing he does, you have to end it.
...............................
|
