A
female
age
36-40,
*ammye17
writes:iam verry clingy...i dont know whats wrong with me iam scared to be by myself, i take a lot of crap form guys...i still talk to my ex and even mess with him from time to time after he hurt me so much....stupid huh....i even have this stupid relation ship with a man thats married and he treats me like garbage. I was never like this i dont love them i just cant seem to let go....what is wrong with me...i have become promiscui. i dont care no more about nothing iam depresses and i often wanna feel loved cared for.
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male
reader, Mark25  +, writes (4 October 2008):
 You are suffering from low self esteem. People who engage in mindless sex, which is what you are doing, are screaming out for love and attention. They want affection and think that they can only get it by having sex. But it doesn't work like that. The more affection they get from sex the more worthless and unloved they feel afterwards. I know it's hard but you need to stop having sex and take a break from men altogether. You need some "me" time. Be by yourself and learn to love yourself. When you do this you'll be able to forget about the ones who treat you like crap and find someone who loves you for you. I recommend that during your "me" time you see a counsellor or somebody to talk to. They will be able to help you work through your feelings and overcome this self destructive pattern.
I wish you the best of luck and give us a follow up to let us know how you're getting on.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 Attention != love. If you love someone, you give them attention. You confuse however that if somebody gives you attention, that must mean they love you. This is not true, as you are realizing. The attention you get during sex is not love.
We all need attention, to know somebody cares about us. That we are not alone. But you can't make that happen. There is only one person that you can make love yourself and that is you. YOU need to start caring about yourself. If you want to be loved, first learn to love yourself.
If your happiness depends on other people then you will be forever at their mercy and there are a LOT of people willing to make use of people who need them. You found two yourself.
Worse, what impression do you think you make on others right now who might grow to care for you? You are messing around with two men at the same time (cheating on both) and one of them married. Not exactly a good way to advertise yourself is it.
You need to break of these relationships and NOT engage in any new ones until you learned to be content with yourself. Be your own friend first before becoming friends with others. It sounds trite but it is true.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Stupid huh? Like yes! Stop handing sex to them on a plate, play a bit more hard to get, but meaning it because you dont have to hand it to them that quick! Women that value themselves and make a personal pact to themselves to not jump into bed with a guy until they know to the best of their knowledge they MIGHT get into something long term with them, have blokes stumbling over themselves to get to know them. Because they have mystery to them!
Try it. Best confidence boost ever. Your confidence boost is flawed due to the fact a guy is red blooded and will say yes please! when you start groping his nether reigions, and then their brain switches off emotionally from there onwards thus making your confidence boost null n void.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Youre suffering from low self confidence and low self esteem which in turn is destroying your self respect and if you cant respect yourself then its hard for others to respect you hence you being treated like crap by guys.
I too have been clingy in past relationships and ended up very hurt as a result of this. Guys see clingy people as insecure and will not think twice about taking advantage. Once they know they can get what they want they will walk all over you. I found that the root of my clinginess was fear of rejection. Nobody likes to be rejected but it happens to us all.
So I suggest you should try and build your self esteem. You dont need to have sex to feel good about yourself. Find a hobby or passion or something you really care about and work on it, you will get much better rewarding results. Also build on your self respect. Ditch the married guy and the exes who treat u like dirt, you dont need their approval to get on in life.
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A
female
reader, tammye17 +, writes (2 October 2008):
tammye17 is verified as being by the original poster of the question and then sometimes iam fed up with life...and everything i am scared to say what iam really feeling...i was soo different before..i hate the person i have become
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A
female
reader, tammye17 +, writes (2 October 2008):
tammye17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont know why, but sometimes it might be that i never had that father figure in my life to protect me....my parents are still amrried but my dad has health issues, and he has never been quite there.....my mom worries to much with the house and etc.....but i was not like that before....evrything went downhill after my 5 year relation ended in bad terms...my ex broke my heart and he cheated and cheated and emotionally hurt me soo much. i felt that i was never to good for him. i gave him evrything i had. my love, my self...i became wesk and emotinally unstable
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Do you feel loved by your parents? It may be a way for you to get their attention.
Only reason why I say that is because I've seen it in the past and that was the cause, may be different for you though.
You're not garbage. There's people that care for you but you may not understand their "I love you"s. There's different ways to tell someone you love them.
Please take care of your self, because I love you.
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A
male
reader, darren1111 +, writes (2 October 2008):
 seek counseling and find what is missing in your life, sleeping around gives you the feeling of being wanted but only for a while, it does nothing for your mental health and your lack of self respect, you are better than that your not a play thing for others to use and abuse, you deserve better, get some help before you get caught up in this way of life, the help is out there, you may not hit it off with some counselors but keep trying, you deserve a better way of life, good luck
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