A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:This is very long, so any help is really appreciated and thanks for reading this. Not long after I started university I met a guy who I very quickly became very good friends with. I was really comfortable with this but then one day he asked me out and I turned him down, because I thought it was too soon and that we didn't know eachother well enough and I didn't feel 100% comfortable with the idea (yeah, I know the point of dating is to get to know someone but it didn't really hit me at the time).He said he was fine with that, but then proceeded to try and make me jealous by flirting with someone else infront of me and also became off hand and a distant towards me. This only lasted about a week or so though and after that we easily became good friends again. In fact, , so much so it wasn't long before we spent everyday together. This is where things began to go slightly odd. He became quite possessive of me and wanted to know what I was doing all the time. Once my phone ran out of battery so I couldn't text him and since he couldn't get through to me he: a) made it out to be my fault and b) since I have a guilty conscience I genuinely felt bad even though I knew it wasn't my fault and my phone had run out at a bad time. This happened a couple more times and it became more and more overbearing to the point where I began to feel really uncomfortable with it. Not long after he asked me out again and I said no because of the way he seemed to be monitoring my behaviour and seemed to be so possessive over me despite the fact he wasn't my boyfriend. I felt like my personal space had been invaded. He was very very upset when I said no and we ended up not talking for over a month. I have to say it was a horrible horrible month without his company. I missed how he made me laugh and all the good times we'd had together. I missed having him as I disliked uni and he supported me the whole time, but I was aware of how his obsessiveness was keeping me away.A bit later, we actually 'made up' and now we're going out. He agreed to give me a lot more room so I am a lot more comfortable around him but we are still having problems. For example, I think I'm still not totally comfortable and he notices and this makes him a lot like how he used to be; he always wants to know what I'm thinking and is very melodramatic when it comes to confronting me about problems. Today for example, essentially what he wanted to say was "I want us to try and be more comfortable and work things out" but the first thing he said to me was "I'm thinking of letting you go"! When I asked him whether that was the case he said no! I can't tell if he was backtracking, really meant it or if he was just being over the top.I don't think this is a healthy relationship, so any advice on how both of us can go about fixing it would be great. I do like him a lot and enjoy being with him and he has said he loves me a lot so I want to try and fix it if I can. Neither of us want to fall out again. Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 I think that you are right, in that this is not a healthy relationship. I personally wouldn't be trying with him again. I actually feel a little scared for you. Possessiveness can lead to obsessiveness, and no good can come from that. I would be distancing myself from him. Make some new friends. Life shouldn't be so complicated.
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