A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, can you try to help me out here. It's a long story but i need to know whether i'm being selfish, uncaring and greedy or whether i've got a serious problem in my relationship.i met my current girlfriend 2 years ago, though have only been going out with her for 6 months. We both worked in the same shop at the time when we met, and she seemed very nice, although i was not really attracted to her. We remained friends, but not very close ones, for about a year. Later, she moved in with some of my friends, and we became closer, at first through facebook and email, and then in person. Friends told me that she was very interested in me, but i didn't feel the same way. Despite this, we continued to spend time together, and eventually, almost by surprise, this naturally escalated into a real relationship 6 months ago. i guess that because she was so nice, and we connected on such a mental level, that i thought i should give it a shot. i knew it felt too easy at the time. There was none of that nervousness for me, though i know that she felt it.In many ways we are perfect for each other. We never fight, do everything together and have almost exaclty the same taste in entertainment. i knew going into this that she liked me more than I did, but i hoped that would change. However i notice that she sometimes changes her views on certain things in order to match mine to stop any conflict. She's very vocal in her love for me and talks about me non-stop to all her friends. I know she thinks i am the 'one' for her and makes plans for our future (she is 29 and i'm 25). In return, i do everything i can to make her happy, have met her parents and family, and am faithful. On the outside i echo her involvement in the relationship completely i guess. This is even when she has to travel around the UK for weeks at a time for work. in the future she will be gone for months at a time at least. The problem is i am just not very physically attracted to her. I know she is technically very attractive and is hit on by many guys, but hers is not a body type that does it for me, I can't explain it. We are very sexually compatible, but i confess that there has not been a time when i haven't thought about someone else during. on an emotional level i never feel the heart-fluttering love or nervousness that i have felt for many other girls who I have had crushes on or gone out with. I try to force myself to feel these physical and emotional attractions but i can't. I feel as though if I were ever to meet a girl who made me feel this way, I would become even more depressed and guilty than i am now. she spends lots of money on me and always makes me feel loved - which just makes me feel worse. i don't really miss her when she goes away, but i still speak two times a day on the phone for hours. it is more like she is on my mind rather than missing her, if that makes sense. i often fantasise about other girls, especially one that i was very interested in before going out with my current girlfriend. She made me feel the way I want to feel now, however was in a relationship and was not nearly as mentally compatible as my girl.Should I continue on with her? If i broke up with her it would absolutely break her heart. she has had many bad breakups in the past and I feel like she wouldn't recover. is it worth me foregoing the physical/emotional attraction potential that i could have with some other girl to stay with this one who loves me completely and is always there for me? i feel that if i end things, i will lose out the chance at the love of my life and probably my best friend ever. But if i continue, I will be disrespecting her, and maybe one day will regret not finding a love that makes me feel that special way. Not to mention that she is older than me, which i find makes it worse with thoughts of marriage surely entering her mind, while i do not feel ready to give up on that 'exploration' part of my life - i have only gone out with 4 girls before this. i feel restless and that there is more to see. This will be very hard when she goes away for long periods for work. I kind of wish i had met her later in life.Let me know. She has discussed moving in together soon. Am i being an idiot even thinking of ruining our happy perfect relationship which is how it appears to her or should I do something. The worst thing to do would be to continue until i meet someone who makes me feel that way, right? Or maybe i can learn to force those feelings or they will come naturally?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Break it off, if you don't then you're just leading her on, which isn't fair to you or her. Emotionally and physically, the chemistry was never there for you. You were either waiting for it to happen or trying to make it..It's not. Yes, she's 29 and marriage is on her mind..you don't love her or miss her, and there's that lack of chemistry so I don't see how you would be missing out on the love of your life. She's not the one for you so stop prolonging the inevitable, do it as soon as possible so she can start the process of grieving. The longer you wait the worse of the break-up.
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