A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm quite unsuccessful in the dating game. I havent had much experience . Over a year ago i tried online dating and i got chatting with a lovely man and we met up had a great date . We agreed to meet up again but didnt exchange numbers and his membership ran out. Fast forward a year we both found ourselves on the dating site again so we met up again for some reason i was 100 x more nervous this time and made a bit of an idiot of myself so i messaged him a week later saying sorry for making an idiot of myself i wont message him again . The thing is i really like him because i said i wouldnt message him again may have made him think i didnt want him to contact me again . Should i message him explaining i do like him and to start again we take our time so he gets to know the real me and if hes not interested to say so and ill leave him alone . what should i do ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (13 April 2017):
 Dating is hard. It's hard to find someone to connect with so I empathize that you got invested early on to someone you felt a connection on your end with. But my best advice (other than agreeing with posters who say don't contact, he's not interested) is: don't take dating too seriously. Don't interpret each date as a potential husband. Don't build up a first date as an Event with a capital E. Think more of dating of just hanging out and seeing if something works. The more you date, I feel--the more you can appreciate surface level connections and the less destroyed you'll be if something doesn't work out. Diversify, and put a couple dates on the calendar a week, that way you don't put excessive strain and pressure building up a fantasy of what one guy is like. You'll also see better that you refine what you like about people and what you want from a partner by being exposed to a lot of different personality types. I'll also say: when I did dating websites, I initially did a lot of chatting before meeting up. My personal preference after some experiences was it's better to cut to the chase and meet the person because I felt I made connections with people online, and that also would lead to me accidentally putting them on a pedestal, and then finding they weren't someone I connected with in person. Good luck!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 Did he reply to your last message? If he didn't then no don't contact him, if he was interested he would have replied and told you that you didn't make an idiot off yourself.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 April 2017):
 No way.
Do you think that a guy with the tiniest little bit of interest would have let responseless your message of " Sorry for making an idiot of myself, I won't message you again " ? Never. He would have run to reassure you ;" Don't worry , you did not make an iddiot of yourself, message me whenever you want ". And let me add that even a not interested , but at least marginally polite guy would have answered along the lines of : Please don't say that, you did nothing wrong, it's just that I don't think we should meet again .... add lame excuse, or diplomatic rejection, or anyway whatever works to say : no deal.
This guy is not interested- and also not very kind.
His silence is " silent consent " . It means, I am perfectly fine with you not contacting me anymore, excellent idea.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): I agree with HoneyPie but I say to break the suspence go ahead contact him in a friendly way but dont act desperate,if he wants you he will get the message, if not then that is that. Nothing gained nothing lost. The is plenty other fish in the sea.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): You only live once so i say go for it ,if he doesn't reply then move on. Always keep your options open there's a big world out there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 April 2017):
 Don't be so desperate and inconsistent. You are WAY overthinking all this.
So WHAT if you made an ass of yourself? EVERYONE is nervous when meeting new people and when on dates - if he CAN'T handle that... What CAN he handle? And do you really think if he was REALLY interested he wouldn't overlook a bit of nerves?
IF he didn't respond to your:" sorry for making an idiot of myself i wont message him again" then I think he JUST isn't interested. And all you will accomplish by contacting him is to look desperate. I know you were HOPING he would tell you that:" no, no it's OK that you were acting like a fool and he understands...." THAT is what an INTERESTED guy would perhaps have done. When you tell someone I'll stop talking to you - then most will presume that you MEAN what you say and that you aren't playing some kind of "pity me please game".
YOU are on a dating site, HE is NOT the only man there! Take a look around and see what else is out there.
And OP don't make these presumptions that you are doing things wrong... and that you have to apologize for YOU being you.
SAY what you mean and MEAN what you say.
Agreeing to met up doesn't mean HE actually meant that. It was WORDS. IF he had been SERIOUS about getting to know you he would have:
1. asked for your number so he could set up another date.
2. he would have renewed his membership so he could keep talking to you.
You are putting ALL your eggs in a basket with this guy who ISN'T even interested in you, which means YOU are WASTING your time. You had ONE date with him a YEAR ago. Let it go, move on and see what else is out there.
He hasn't come out and said it directly that he isn't interested but his ACTIONS show it. DO you really need him to REJECT you in writing too?
Come ON, OP - move on. See what else is out there.
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