A
female
age
30-35,
*eautifulParadise
writes:The baby's father and I only knew each other 3 months prior to me getting pregnant. I am currently 29 weeks. He was 100% aware of the possiblity of me getting pregnant and we had even talked about it. He had said he wanted to have a kid with me but a week before I got pregnant he had said he changed his mind. I would have been fine with that because things between us weren't really working out, but it was too late. So now, we don't talk to each other or anything. I am not trying to get back with him because I am aware that we weren't that good together. But I would like him to be part of our son's life. I would like them to get to know each other later on and everything. I don't want our son to feel like I left his dad out of the picture. I have tried to reach out to him, just by texting "hi, how are you?" but he doesn't text me anymore at all. He probably doesn't think it's his, even though I've suggested a DNA test once he is born. All I truly want is for him to recognize his son, for his son to have his last name and for them to get to know each other. I don't want child support or anything with him. How can I talk to him so he can understand that?? I'm going to text him because I doubt he'll answer my call, but how can I go about doing that. What should I say in the text, that might make him respond back or at least understand me more?Thank you!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 You don't have the right to not want child support. The money is there for your son when he is born not for you. So legally make sure he is paying for his son. You cannot force him to be a loving father and he is well aware that the child is his. He is just immature and hoping it will all go away. Try get to know a person more in the future before deciding to have a child together. Speak to your solicitor because babies are very expensive.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2017): Regardless of child support, I would text him and say something like, 'Hopefully in the future you can meet and do things with your son. Think how much your father meant to you.'
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2017): Its odd isnt it that you could get together so fast and make a baby and now you feel that all communication is impossible.It sounds as though you are hitting a blank wall.Well perhaps that guy is a blank wall!Which makes me wonder why you want to share your son with him!Clearly he is totally non involved.He mentally cancelled his obligations to you when he told you he didnt want to have a baby aka he didnt want to be a dad to your son!Now that the child is born he doesnt want to acknowledge him!So how do you imagine that he will be good for the welfare of your son!Do you imagine he will take him fishing when he is a lad?If you take a DNA test then post the result to him or his mum or deliver it personally.But stop texting.He is avoiding you because he is immature and annoyed that you are dumping a baby and pregnancy on him.Try to see his imperfections more clearly and you will be less misguided as a rose tinted ending is highly unlikely.You are strong enough to deal with this.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 Honestly, unless you're rich - you, not your family - you *need* child support. Heck, you're *baby* deserves child support. Even if you didn't use it to raise the baby, which you're naively underestimating the expense of(!), you should put it into savings for the child to learn how to drive or go to university.You can't do this alone and you can't do it without child support. A good mother, which I'm sure you want to be, will fight for the financial contribution from the father/sperm donor because it's what's best for the child.Just because you're not asking for money doesn't mean he's more likely to want to be involved. In fact, a "father" who won't pay doesn't deserve to be involved because they aren't responsible or caring about the child's best interests.Look, you're young, but you're about to become a mother. Your first mistake was not being careful enough with someone who is effectively a stranger, but this can still have a positive outcome, *if* you stop making easily avoidable mistakes.Right now, you have a romanticised view of how this is going to go. Even if you don't want to get back together, you're imagining this great father-child relationship and he may not want that. However, your baby *will* need the money, so stop texting him and go through the proper channels.The more you text, the more he'll ignore you. Before he disappears completely, get your ducks in a row for getting child support. Don't wait until the baby comes and expect him to change his mind - he may or may not, but your baby *must* come first.Do your family know you're pregnant?Do you have a job?Do you live alone or share with others?Do you have space for a baby?Do you have savings?Buy a few baby books. Ask other mothers for help and advice. Baby's often grow out of clothes in weeks and you could be changing diapers 10+ times a day.Don't wait until you're giving birth to panic about not being prepared.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 You don't want child support? Are you out of your mind? He willingly and openly wanted to have a child with you, did his part, and now a child is on the way. Him changing his mind after the deed is done does not mean he gets to pretend he isn't going to become a father!
And this parenthood comes responsibilities. Such as paying for the upkeep of the child. Child support is not "woman support" after all, it is to pay for your kid and all the things your child will need. Why on earth would you say "you do not want child support", that is like stealing from your child! You may not want it, but I can promise you your kid will want it. And more, your kid is ENTITLED to get the support he is granted by LAW to get. So do not rob your child of this. If the father does not get involved financially AND physically (by changing the diapers on every other weekend etc) then you go to court. End of discussion.
If he was old enough to want a child with you, he is also old enough to face the consequences of his actions and take responsibility. And you need to be smart enough to stop thinking this is about what you want. This is about what is best for your child, and I can assure you, a court order of shared responsibility both financially and in terms of custody IS in your childs best interest.
Stop texting him "hi how are you" and start texting him "lets talk about financial support for your child and how to share custody".
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 April 2017):
 No ! Don't put black on white that you do not want child support.Now ,I don't know the laws in your State and I have no idea how legally binding would be such declaration waiving away your rights ,in a private , informal conversation- anyway ,better to not even go there, because if you have your child 's interest at heart, you WILL file for child support. Why would you give away the baby's right ? Just to show an ex lover and sperm donor how noble and disinterested you are ? Oh please.
The guy might came around, or he might not. You should let him know when the baby is born, renew your offer / request for a paternity test, tell to the sperm donor that he is welcome to visit your child if so he chooses, and that you'll do all you can to facilitate his visits IF he decides to be involved... but that's it. You can take a horse to the water but you cannot make it drink.
And, considering the current huge numbers of single mothers and uninvolved absent fathers in USA , I think you should wrap your head around the very real possibility that your child will grow up without a father, at least without THAT guy as a father.
Anyway, you cannot make this guy become a doting father, but you can make him become a child support payer.
Put your baby first and do precisely that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 April 2017):
 Sorry, OP
You can't MAKE a guy want to be a decent father or to have contact with you or the child.
YOU can, however, FILE for child support after the child is born and he will have to fulfill the FINANCIAL obligation. And you SHOULD file for child support. IT takes TWO people having UNPROTECTED sex to make a child. YOU just decided to step up and take responsibility for the life you created, he ran away. So if you want to DO something for your child - file for child support so you AT THE very least have financial support for the kid. YOU are aware that you will get NO assistance from the STATE if you do NOT file for child support, right? So don't be stupid and think that telling him I won't file for child support is HELPING your child.
You made a BIG mistake having unprotected sex with a guy you BARELY knew. A guy telling you he wants kids doesn't mean you should USE protection.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (9 April 2017):
Just leave it and go after him through a lawyer for child support. He'll get the message.
Please be responsible from now on.
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