A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my wife for nearly 3 years now. We have a 9 month old baby girl who i love to pieces. However i'm just not happy with my life. I don't find my wife attractive, we get on ok but i don't feel the same love for her that i once did. She is pushing me hard to have another baby with her but i can't because i'm not sure i want to be with her. I have a lot more fun going out without her, she doesn't have a job so is entirely dependant on me for money and we never have enough to do the things i want to do. THe single biggest problem, above all else, is that i want to sleep around. Before i got married i'd only slept with one girl and my wife had slept with plenty of men and women and i feel like i'm missing out. I'd hate to get to 50 and look back and think about all the girls i could have had before settling down but it being to late, too late forever.What should i do? The last thing i want to do is cheat on my wife, but i don't trust myself.
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female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (21 September 2007):
 Before you make the mistake that so many people make and leave your wife looking for this fun and exciting single life be very careful. I think that some of the feelings you are experiencing may not be due to the fact that you are married but due to the fact that you are a man. A man with responsibilities to your wife and to your child. The grass always seems to be greener on the other side, and once you tell your wife that you do not love her anymore and want to be single there is no going back. Are you ready to be a part-time dad? Can you financially support two households? Is there any other alternative aside from abandoning your wife and child for the single life. I hate to break it to you but the single life gets lonely at times. One of the aunts said something that was very true: "its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. But be very craeful what you wish for, you just might get it! But before you do anything that you will regret remember: "One mans trash is another mans treasure."
A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (21 September 2007):
 Well, here I go with my answer that will ultimately get me a poor rating...
What exactly DID you feel for your wife when you first got together? DId you even love her at all? We sometimes mistake a deep liking or deep lust for love when we never loved the person in the first place.
You need to have a life outside of your wife, friends that you can hang out with and just be you - not a dad, not a husband, just you and the guys (or girls). It makes going out without your wife just that, going out without your wife.
Sleeping around. So what do you think you're missing? Trust me, sex with another woman will be just that, sex with another woman. Sure, you'll feel a rush - you'll feel alive when you're with the new woman - she'll make you feel extra special and you'll make her feel extra special. But that USUALLY happens in a new relationship anyway! Plus, once the newness of the relationship wears off, you're left with trying to find something to hold on to to make it a real relationship.
Is your wife not tight anymore? Are there things in bed you wished or wish she would do? Well, guess what - your wife's loose vagina (if this is the case) can be strengthened to become tight again. Maybe not virgin tight but tight enough. You can teach her how to please you. Tell her the things you wish she would do to you - and vice versa - maybe there are things she wishes YOU would do in bed. Make it an adventure. But just wanting to sleep around can leave you empty inside once you realize that you really want a relationship (sex is NOT a relationship). And what IF every woman you slept with got pregnant? Man, have fun with THAT one. Then you'll really never have any money!
Try your wife dude. Communication is paramount. Maybe she's feeling that the marriage is in trouble and is using the prospect of a new baby to fix things. Let her know you don't want another baby right now. Let her know how you feel. Maybe she's feeling the same way. you never know until you ask.
I'd hate for you to leave your wife and at 50 and look back and wish you still had your wife.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (21 September 2007):
 you are so young to be ties down and married. i think you know what you have to do. it's unfait on both you and your wife to continue this marriage when you're not in love with her anymore. you will hurt a hundred times more if you cheat on her, so be honest.
it sounds like she is forcing you to play happy families and hopes that having a baby will rebuild the cracks in your marriage but that would be stupid and wrong to bring another life into your mess.
you don't love her, people fall out of love all the time, so be kind and let her go.
it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
you need experience and a life, and when you're older you'll regret it if you don't.
good luck
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