A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been happily married for 11 years, no kids :-( my husband is wonderful man and I could not have asked for more. He gives me everything I've ever wanted. I am a very conservative women and for the the past 11 years I have never ever thought this would happen to me...about a month ago I got a phone call in the middle of the night and did not recognize the erea code. The caller hung up before I could get to it. Immmediately after that I got a text and it said I just got back from Irag and I am looking for my sister. Please reply. I did not reply until 2 days later and all I said in the message was "I hope you found your sister" he text back and asked me who I am..so I told him that he called and text me by mistake. Since then we have been texting and I found out a lot of stuffs about him..he is a liar, he is not who he said he is and I can not get over him. He said he wanted to meet me and bailed out everytime. I am trying to get over him by not responding to his text and phone calls. He sent me a few pictures with other people too, and I think I am falling so hard for the one in the picture. I told him so many times you are not the one in the picture, and he never said anything. But 1 thing I know for sure..he is a big liar. Please please help me..how do you I get over him. My husband is a wonderful guy and I do not want to ruin my marriage for a ghost. Thank you!
View related questions:
liar, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello all,
I do not know how to thank you all for your kind advice. It means a lot to me...I know it is so unfathomable that I have feeling for this "GHOST"...I will try to forget him and move on. Some of you think I have too much free time!!! I think so too :-(. Thank you Thank you and Thank you all!!!
xoxo
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): I am concurring with a lot of the advise below. You need to think clearly here with your sensibilities and not your hormones. This man on the phone, is just a lustful fantasy..nothing more. His attentions to you... get your motor running, doesn't it. But you admit this man is a liar...you know that. And you appear to be discriminating his less than admirable character or in this case, his lack of character and you know your attraction to him is a result of your poor judgement skills, here. Why are you doing that, hun?
We can theorize for minute here and ask..what would happen if you did start an affair with this other guy? Would if you left your marriage for this guy? Will you see yourself happier making a life with this other man, who is a lair and thinks nothing of boinking a married woman? And what would this do to your sense of self-respect...stepping out on a great husband?
It's my thoughts that indeed, boredom and complacency has settled into your marriage. All I know, if you were a 'happily married' woman as you suggest and clearly was devoted and loved your husband, as you say you are, you could not possibly even think of flirting or entertaining these thoughts of infidelity. I really do think your marriage is in trouble, long before you starting talking to this other man. I do think your husband is unaware of the feelings you are experiencing about this marriage. Look inside yourself and truthfully assess your marriage. I think you and your husband, need to talk and rebuild here.
I want you to rethink all this and realize what you may sacrifice for a definition of happiness, as you are narrowly viewing it. When one is married, freedom and marriage committment is mutually exclusive. You do sacrifice and surrender your freedom when you promise fidelity to a partner. This is the true meaning of marriage. It sounds like you have a deep bond to your husband, irregardless of the boredom. You are friend...you love him. However, you are fantasizing wanting a lover, however-and that is lust. Keep it a fanatsy..nothing more. It is not a true love, a committment. All it is--is hormonal reactions to the way another man..any man.. makes your 'physical' self feel.
You need to do some responsible decision making here, for the sake of your marriage. Give this a good honest try. Get yourself and hubby into some good marriage counseling. This is life, we hit barriers and challenges and we all overcome stuff like this. Try hard to improve your circumstance, hun. You have choices: 1) you can try to comfort yourself through life, feeling entitled to excitement with some willing lover or 2) you can choose to have a meaningful marriage with values, goodness, love and committment. This will all depend on you and how you decide to honor your committment to marriage. A big decision, I know. I wish you luck with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): maybe this one is one of ur acquaintance,doing this mischief to u? just my thought.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): DO NOT DO THIS. STOP TODAY!!! It is exciting and fun but it will destroy something precious. Even if your husband NEVER finds it all out. It will destroy something in your own soul. You will never quite trust yourself the same and you will be vulnerable. It is in some way addictive but it can be overcome. You will miss the interaction and feel so guilty that you do miss it, but stay the course. It will be easier to dig this root out before it grows and entangles you even more. .trust me ~ good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): Well, as a man who was cheated on by his first wife of 12 years, my first thought is that even though you recognize you have a good husband, something is messed up inside YOU. Everybody craves attention and it seems this situation has excited that part of you. My first advice would be to change your number and cease ALL contact of any kind with this "person". Second, I would talk to someone, a trusted friend, professional, or otherwise about WHY you found this situation so exciting. The ultimate puspose should be to find a way for your HUSBAND to supply this to you, AND/OR find a way to get passed thinking you need attention from another man. What you are entertaining is very selfish and childish. Accept that, and move forward to get away from it. Adultery always begins in the mind, so even if this 'guy' isn't a part of your life next month, some other guy will come along and by being in a mental position of wanting attention from men who are not your husband, you'll be poised to actually destroying your marriage if you don't FIX the broken that is inside YOU. You also need to have a chat with your husband about the needs you have that ARE reasonable, because he MAY not be supplying appropriate needs you have for attention. The ball is in your court, and you are in control of how this goes, good or bad.
...............................
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (10 October 2009):
don't let your curiosity get the best of you. not everything that comes at you in life needs to be explained or needs a conclusion. just tell him to leave you alone. actually you know I wouldn't be surprised if your possibly attention deprived husband is behind it all
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): I don't mean any harm, but it seems to me that you have too much free time on your hands, or your bored in your marriage. I can't understand how you can possibly have feelings for this man that you have never met and you already know that he is a liar. Why in the world would you want to do that to your husband? You said that he is a wonderful man and believe those are hard to come by. Look at how the mystery man is acting. Leave this clown alone and concentrate on your marriage.
...............................
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (10 October 2009):
 If you know for sure that he is a big liar, and if your husband is a wonderful man, then you need to stop paying attention to this weird stranger and start paying more attention to your husband. I don't mean to come off sounding angry at you, but I really want to try to convey something to you here: MAYBE IF YOU PAID MORE ATTENTION to your husband, you wouldn't have the time, energy or desire to pay attention THIS -- I don't know what you want to call him! Get your priorities straight, young lady, you are not in high school anymore, you are with the man you promised to love and hold through better or worse, and you were serious when you made that promise, so why are you acting like a flighty child now? Give up on this before you completely ruin a marriage which you will surely regret ruining. You never know what you have until it is too late and I am telling you that this is what is going to happen to you if you don't give up on this b.s. Just scroll down the questions on the home page of this website and look at how many men and women are in troubled relationships where they need help, where they would give anything to have a spouse which is, as you call him, a wonderful spouse. If you don't know what you have by now, please you don't need to learn the hard way! Just read some of the other questions people ask on this website. You're making this way more complicated than it needs to be. Because the answer is simple. Stop this nonsense.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 October 2009):
 Wow the psychology behind why you would even WANT to meet this 'guy' is infathomable. You don't know him or anything about him, you've seen a couple pics that may or may not be him? You call him a liar and yet you crave him. He could be married or a pervert, he might even turn out to be a woman with a twisted sense of humour...who the hell knows??? Why would you risk your wonderful marriage??? for the excitement?? the attention??
In the days before texting and e-mailing and internet dating it wasnt so easy to pick up on these illicit affairs and activities. Sure people always had affairs but it took way more effort to keep things covered up. Nowdays you can be flirting online and on your phone while your partner sits or sleeps beside you and he is none the wiser. I truly hate what this technology has done and I know millions of good stable relationships have suffered as a result.
Do yourself a favour, get this stupid silly man out of your mind. It's a world of pain waiting to happen and seriously...you don't need it. It's just an attention boost and nothing more. I would much rather be getting attention from a loving partner than some weirdo creep liar who I didn't even know.
Get over yourself!!
Aunty Em xx
...............................
|
