A
male
age
18-21,
*oga 777
writes:Well where to begin.I am 19 i will be 20 shortly and ic never had a gf..nor have i ever been on a date or even had my first kiss yet.i dont know if im what you would call picky but it's just when i feel a connection with someone is when i like them not based on looks and only partly on personality i havent made many connections especially living in the middle of nowhere as i now do..i have been talking to a girl online and on the phone for bout a month even on cam on stickam before although she seemed a bit putt off by the size of my arms..i work out a lot and their decent sized but she put and quote "holy fuck o_O " dont usually get that response lol.i really care for her but when i told her i loved her she said"aww i love you too...a friend love" which honestly surprised me a bit she does have a bf sort of it's long distance and they fight a lot..what i dont get is on my yearbook they have this compatibility thing and i know she went out of her way to improve it which to me was a sighn she liked me as more then a friend..idk did i misread signals? we flirt an aweful lot both on the phone and typing. idk im considered good looking.. my self esteem is a bit low because i used to be obese but 2 years of diet and excersise later i would have figured i wouldnt have as tough a time finding a girl i dont just want sex even tho my hormones are getting on my nerves...im nice and caring and always want the best for people..i just cant explain why i get turned down so much....basically what i'm asking is did i misread signals? is there something wrong with me? iv been alone for so long but i dont think i have a problem socializing..i just feel so rejected all the time..im beggining to get depressed about my situation..please any advice?
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depressed, flirt, I love you, long distance, self esteem Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): You are not alone. I am 21 and never even kissed a girl. I am talking to a girl online and on the phone also. It hasnt been going that great lately. She had a boyfriend when I met her too and he was away at college and things didnt work out so I got my chance. I am starting to realize how truly hard it is too meet someone online and fall in love with them. She just doesnt seam like the same person sometimes and its hard to tell which version of her I am going to get. It seams kinda like the same with this girl. Sometimes she seams like she really cares about you and wants to be with you, but other times its like she just wants to be your friend. I dont think she led you on, I think she does care about you and just isnt sure because she already has a boyfriend. Honestly if I were you, I wouldnt put any more effort into it. Just be her friend and only that. Think about this, she has a boyfriend, yet she is flirting with you all the time. What is she gonna do if you are her boyfriend? And above all else you need to stay positive. Girls arent the only thing, you need to keep your mind busy with living your life, spending time with your friends and family, and once a girl comes along you can finally be with, you wont be lonely anymore. I do understand how hard it is. I feel so pathetic and hopeless sometimes, just wondering what is wrong with me. But you need to pick yourself up and be optimistic. Dont get down on yourself. Think of all the weight you lost and how great an accomplishment that was. You put your mind to it and you achieved your goal. You can do anything you set your mind too and that includes meeting a girl who you really deserve.
A
male
reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (10 October 2009):
 Yes, you misread her signals. I don't know much about those facebook type sites or your yearbook site, but this much I do know: Some people measure their popularity based on how high some website measurable is.
In your case, she worked to increase her compatibility score because she probably likes people to think that she is compatible with lots of people. It probably boosts her ego to have high numbers. Outside of that it means nothing.
My advice to you is to get involved in organizations such as charities. Doing charity work will allow you to help others, meet people, and make connections.
Another possibility is going to college. Maybe you are already doing that. You get an education and meet a lot of people.
You are working out at home I assume? Is there a gym nearby that you can work out at? I work out at home because it is convenient for me, but if I were looking to meet people, I would go to the gym instead.
Is there any possibility to move somewhere else closer to a city? If so, then do it.
Basically, you need to get out of the house and get seen. Show off that new look you have worked so hard to get!
As far as your personality traits go, don't be too nice a guy. Women like confident men with backbone. Getting in touch with your inner jerk can help you with that. Don't need to be a mean jerk, just a little disagreeable. Just stand up for yourself and don't take any crap.
You goal when meeting women is to get to know them a little better. Making them laugh is usually critical. Don't think about having sex with them or finding love. Just concentrate on getting to know them and having fun. The romance and sex will take care of itself.
And, most importantly - NEVER PLAY IN THE FRIEND ZONE. Don't even give a woman the option to go there. If that's what they want, then part ways. Just because you are getting to know a woman does not mean that they should be allowed to misconstrue your intentions toward them. Your intention is to get to know them well enough to decide if you want to date them or not. Your intention is not to be their friend. Friendship can come as part of a romantic relationship. Otherwise, they are just an acquaintance.
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, Good Girl + ♥, writes (10 October 2009):
 You poor guy. When you do meet a girl who can appreciate you i think you will make her very happy! Considerate guys like you are a bit rare, especially guys who are willing to let their guard down a bit. Is it possible for you to meet girls face to face in your area? Internet relationships are difficult bcause despite all the available technology there is a certain distance and anonymity to it all. That being said, your situation is not an impossible one. All the same you should try to meet girls in real life. Allowing the physical chemistry of being close to someone to drive some of your decisions is not bad. Some things you cant convey over a webcam. If you really like this girl, don't be shy. Ask her to tell you how she really feels. Trust your instincts too, you are ready for a relationship. If she is not you can remain friends, but you should be able to enjoy a loving relatoinship with someone. Trust me. She's out there!
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