A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had cheated on my boyfriend 2 years into our relationship with an ex who I thought I was over with but I wasn't.After cheating I realized that what I had done was wrong in which I had told my boyfriend about it the next day.He was upset but we remained together.I realized that after I had cheated that my ex wasn't who I really wanted.I feel a lot of guilt and shame everyday because of what I did.My boyfriend constantly calls me whores and bitches and sluts.He says things like I will never respect you or marry you yet he still wants us to be together.The cheating happened 4 years ago and I have been trying hard to prove myself but he doesn't care.what should I do?
View related questions:
cheated on my boyfriend, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 April 2013):
 You will never be able to “prove yourself” to this guy.
A man who calls you “whore” “slut” or “bitch” is not a man who loves or respects you. Do you want to stay with a man who does not love or respect you?
I think you stay and accept this bad behavior because for some reason you have such guilt over your choice to cheat that you think you DESERVE this bad behavior and name calling. YOU DO NOT. YOU need to FORGIVE YOURSELF a bad choice (use it as a learning experience to make better choices in the future) and once you forgive yourself you will no longer feel the need to be punished and you will no longer tolerate this horrible behavior.
If your best girlfriend or your sister was being treated like this by a man what would you tell her to do?
He says he will NEVER respect you… well the problem is OP you do not respect yourself either. You are letting him punish you because you think you deserve this bad treatment you do not.
If you need to, seek some therapy to work on your sense of guilt and shame and find self-forgiveness.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): You probably should sit down and have a serious talk with him. Cheating really causes serious damage.You do have to live with it, and in order to make it right, you have to prove to him, until. Not until next week or next year, but until he trusts you again and can move on with it.However, regardless of what's happened, he does not have the right to speak to you in that manner. He is obviously not over it and probably will never be able to if this has been going on for two years already. You need to explain, that you love him and you know what a terrible decision you made and have been working very hard to make it right again, but him treating you like that is not right either and it needs to stop. Like now. If he is unable to do it, then this relationship has run it's course and it's time to respectfully end it and move on with your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Time to move on , this guy has tried but cannot forgive nor forget the pain you caused him, and this is expressed by how he treats you.I think he does love you or he would have dumped you after your indiscretion however he will continue to heart because he never got over the hurt of your betrayal.This is the end of this relationship, its just a question of when you decide to openily acknowledge it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): Dump in yesterday and never look back. Case closed.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 You should leave. The relationship ended 4 years ago, but he wants to continue punishing you, and you are staying and accepting the punishment. This isn't a good and healthy relationship. It wont ever go back to the way it way, you know that. It's been 4 years, and he's still punishing you. You need to end this now before you ruin yourself, all this punishment is very hard on a persons self esteem and self worth. You do not deserve this treatment. If he didn't want to forgive you he shouldn't have taken you back. Being cheated on does not give him the right to punish you.
Take care of your own well being, you do not owe it to him to stay and take more punishment. You tried to make up for what happened, you did your best. Now you need to accept that it didn't work, and end it.
And, forgive yourself. It's long gone in the past, and you deserve to be treated with respect and love. If he can not give you that, then there will be another man who will love you and care for you. You deserve to be happy. Allow yourself to be happy. Forgive yourself, and get out of this toxic relationship before he brings you even further down.
And don't get me wrong, I take cheating very seriously. But the only choices after cheating are to end the relationship, or to forgive it and continue. Your boyfriend didn't forgive you, and you didn't forgive yourself. The only other option then is to end it, because it is not right that he treats you like this.
And in a new relationship, do not allow a man to put you down like this.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): I advice you to dump him because he hasnt gotten over the cheating and he plans to punish you for it as long as you are with him. It is better to start over because people make mistakes yes you made a big one but you need to keep people in your life who make you feel loved....RESPECT YOU and uplift you ...he obviously does not plan to do this i mean its been 4 years.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 April 2013):
Regardless of what you did before, when he decided to stay with you, he decided to make a commitment to try and forgive you, and move forward with you. However, he's not done that, and is instead punishing you and hurting you because of what happened.
You shouldn't accept this, and I think the best thing you can do is end it and move on. You don't deserve this treatment.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 April 2013):
 "what should I do?"
Give up on this guy.... who is going to make you "pay" for your cheating/indiscretion FOREVER!!!!.... and find another "boyfriend" and start anew.... THAT is the ONLY "choice" that you have....
Good luck....
...............................
|
