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I can't understand women!

Tagged as: Dating, Flirting<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 November 2017) 10 Answers - (Newest, 7 November 2017)
A male Australia age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Guys, I totally need your advice............

You see, I am still 19, And Ive encountered lot of women, went on lot of dates, and im experienced in this shit..... but lately things have been wrong, U see, what will you assume if a girl comes next to you out of the blue, Plays with her hair, Laughs at your stupid jokes, And wants to know more about you, gives you the long eye contact and specifically blushes when caught staring at you, Obviously anyone will assume that she is into you, but im confused, cause these days most of the women/girls (whatever) ive met ,tend to be like that(mentioned above) , but when I ask them for a date or a relationship, I get rejected, maybe she is not ready, but how comes every women I am meeting is like that? Is the problem with me? or they are just playing with me?

its like..... they are waiting for me to assume that its safe to ask them out......But in the end they just dump me, maybe they find it entertaining dumping people.....

I cant understand women..... It will be best if a women can help me out here....

And yeah... once I get rejected nothing mentioned above happens again all the blushes and eye contact....

They just return to normal....

feels like dumping me is part of their game.....

now im stuck in a real dillema

need advice from experts like you.....

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (7 November 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntAt 19 you shouldn't be very experienced. My guess is you have a cocky attitude and maybe women want to play you as well. Slow down on the dates and get to know a girl before asking her out. It seems you have probably got yourself a bit of reputation and girls won't want to be another person that you date. A girl wants to feel special and wants to know that you think off her as special. If you ask out a lot of women then you are probably not going to get girls to take you serious.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (6 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Denizen,

I don't think it's the women all playing games with you. I think they see you as someone EASY to flirt with, even perhaps bed but NOT BF material. THAT happens when a guy sleeps around or "date a lot". Especially if you live in a place where these girls can TALK to each other. Just like a girl's reputation gets spread around, so does a guy's. And with modern-day tech added to it? Yeah, it definitely goes around.

Be you, not this "suave" know-it-all because I have "dated" a lot of girls...

If you are 19... you might have BEEN with a lot of girls but nothing has lasted, right?

I met my first BF at 19 and that lasted 4 1/2 years. He had had 3 GF's before me but they all lasted a month, tops. We just meshed really well and there was no game-play and he certainly didn't BRAG about all his "conquests" or I would have run a mile in the other direction.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (6 November 2017):

N91 agony auntI agree with the other posters about the reputation of being a player.

I'm 26, I haven't been on many dates but I'd say I've slept with an above average amount of females. I wasn't even aware but it came to my attention a few years ago that I had a reputation in my pretty small town for being a bit of a womaniser, I honestly had no clue until I had a string of females in a row question my sexual past which made me realise that word gets around VERY fast where you live.

It's all well and good bragging about all of these conquests but it comes back to bite you in the ass, so it makes you question whether it's all worth it. I've left all that crap behind now as I'm now in a very happy relationship which even my GF questioned my past and has made a few joking comments about it although she has accepted it and dealt with it.

Maybe you need to slow down and realise that people talk and your sexual actions have consequences which could affect your future plans with the females.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (6 November 2017):

By the way, every guy gets an ego-thrashing. It means you're coming off too conceited and they're letting you know you don't get to pluck every peach within your reach!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (6 November 2017):

If these "women" you speak of run in the same social-circles; and know each other even in the slightest; word has gotten out about you! Perhaps the word is that you're a player?

If they're under 21, they're not really women yet.

It often means you've dated too many young ladies within close proximity of each other, crossed a few lines into the wrong territory, and stepped on a few toes. It may also mean you come across as smug and too sure of yourself.

You brag about all these dates you've been on and claimed to be so experienced. Then you should know that girls sometimes like to flirt; just to see if they can get your attention. They like to tease and toy with your emotions.

Just like guys try to prove to their mates how many young ladies they can conquer; they'll show you just how many girls you can't! They level the playing field, and balance the scale. It's natures way of equalizing things between the sexes.

If word gets out that you've hurt one of their girlfriends; they will gang-up and seek feminine-revenge. If you've developed a reputation as a player, they will prove to you that you're a legend only in your own mind.

Sometimes they are like little birds. They let you get really close. You can reach-out and almost touch them; before they take-off in flight.

If they know they can get into your head; they will simply take-up temporary residence there. Only long enough to remind you that you're not as smart as you think you are, not as cute as you've convinced yourself to be; and they've got your number. They simply like to test their ability to confuse males and capture a boy's attention. Then trash it!

Think of the last heart you've broken. She probably put the word out on Facebook and through the grapevine. A few ladies have decided to set you up and mess with you. Sometimes they simply take matters into their own hands to teach you a lesson.

Just play it cool. If they tease and flee, don't get mad. Shrug it off! At least you're getting attention!

Don't date the girlfriends of girls you've broke-up with. Don't date a new girl within only weeks of dumping another. Don't flirt with several girls at one time. They will warn each other off you!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2017):

Hey, either way, these girls are being mean to him.

He's trying.

Takes guts.

Sweetie, looks like you're into the wrong girls.

There's a nice one out there for you.

I'd just back off them.

The less you try, the more they will chase you.

Girls don't like to be rejected or think they aren't worth being pursued. So when a guy hangs back, their competitive nature takes over and propels them into chase mode.

Hang back and see what happens. Change your approach.

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (5 November 2017):

femmenoir agony auntYou're still young and with much time, you'll learn a lot more about women and relationships.

Did you know, the male brain will continue to mature/develop until the age of 25 years old, whereas a woman's brain will be fully mature by 21 years of age.

I mentioned this because of the way you're presenting yourself in the presence of women and part of your way of thinking and examining things is because your brain is still "immature".

Play the part of being the "true gentleman" and no, it's not an old fashioned nor daggy thing to do and please watch the LANGUAGE THAT YOU USE AROUND WOMEN.

In your message to us, you mentioned, "you're experienced in this shit".

Your comment comes across as rather cocky and arrogant.

You should try hard not to use these overly confident words, because as much as you think you're experienced, you are not.

You're only 19. You've got such a long way to go, trust me.

We women love those old fashioned virtues and young men, like you, should never allow those old fashioned virtues to walk out the door.

Keep them coming and do your best, to make it a habit for the rest of your life.

Playing this part includes behaviours such as taking things with women, really slow and not rushing into anything and that definitely includes sex.

Remember, speed and numbers shouldn't matter, but the pace and quality of your relationships should matter.

You don't want, nor need to build a negative and sleazy reputation for yourself.

Always be your best self, always be patient and polite around women and never read into anything.

Just because a woman smiles at you, blushes in your presence, flirts somewhat, or gives you any visual cue that she's into you, doesn't really mean that she is, so be careful.

Women, especially younger women who are learning about relationships just as you are, will to some extent enjoy the company of the men around them, even flirt with them, but this doesn't necessarily mean that they want anything more, nor anything physical with you.

Always open the door for a woman, even if she's not used to having this done for her.

Many of the young women today, they've never experienced a guy doing the smallest of things for them, like opening a door, or the car door.

Even telling them that they're a beautiful person and that you really like their personality can be surprising or confronting, because not too many young guys say these things.

They don't take things slow and they don't show appreciation.

The key here, don't rush and don't come across as cocky, too eager or even arrogant because this is the biggest turnoff to women.

All the best!

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (5 November 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntOP, in all honesty, you seem to have a cocky attitude - common at your age, but not conducive to dating nice girls.

You say you're very experienced, despite your age and attitude suggesting otherwise. Yes, you may have gone on a lot of dates, but that doesn't make you successfully experienced or a good catch for girls who don't want arrogant "players".

I think you need to cool it. Make friends with girls (not specifically with the goal of dating them), find out what behaviour they like and don't like, observe the way they want to be treated, etc. Your attitude is the opposite of what most girls like in a boyfriend/date.

I think, to find the issue and resolve it, you need to look at yourself.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (5 November 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntA few possibilities spring to mind. See if any of these sound plausible.

As you have been on so many dates at your age, I wonder if it's possible you have got yourself a reputation as being a bit of a "player" and these women are trying to teach you a lesson by leading you on until you ask them out, then rejecting you?

While confidence is always attractive, cockiness is definitely NOT. Is it possible you are a little OVER-confident?

Or perhaps you appear too eager and, hence, a little bit desperate? This can be a HUGE turn-off.

I would advise taking things slower than you appear to be doing. Instead of wading in and asking these girls/women out as soon as you get chatting to them, be friendly but not over-eager. Instead of asking for a date or a relationship, perhaps suggest a coffee and a chat so that you can get to know each other better before committing to anything more.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (5 November 2017):

Denizen agony auntI think you may have overplayed your hand in the past and now they are rattling your chain - and you are falling for it.

Maybe you fancied yourself as a bit of a player?

You say:" Ive encountered lot of women, went on lot of dates, and im experienced in this shit...."

However you also tell us you are 19. That doesn't really qualify you as being experienced.

When you find a girl you like, really like, be honest, gentle and don't play the part I think you are playing. It seems to be too obvious.

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