A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi guys. Me and my boyfriend have a great relationship...the problem is he can't make me orgasm. To begin with I thought it would probably sort itself out as we got more used to what each other liked etc, but we've been having sex for about 2 months now and even though i enjoy it i've never got to climax with him. He gets really angry and upset with himself and I feel really bad about it, so bad that im considering faking it just to make him feel better. Is there anything I/he could do because its starting to become a big issue in our relationship.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 August 2012):
 Has a pervious boyfriend been able to make you orgasm? Have you been able to make yourself orgasm?
Making a woman orgasm can be very difficult, we're no where as easy as men in that department. It can take years before he learns what works for you, because no women are alike. What worked for his past girlfriends might not work for you. So it takes a lot more time than two months, unless you're one of the lucky womenw ho climaxes easily.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Faking it is a terrible idea. First off you're deceiving him. Second off, you are cheating yourself out of a satisfying sex life. If you fake it and he thinks he's done it, he's going to keep doing what he's doing and you're going to keep being frustrated. There is no point in faking it. You might think you're doing him a favor, but you're just wrecking your own sex life. Don't do it.
As for not orgasming, the VAST majority of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone (75%). Like Tisha said, it's like asking him to orgasm from stimulating his testicles alone. Even that is a stretch because testicles are definitely more sensitive than the inside of your vagina. It's all about your clitoris.
The first step is to masturbate often. Learn to bring yourself to orgasm easily and regularly. He can't do it if you can't. So learn how, and then teach him how to do it. Show him either by doing it in front of him and/or by putting your hand over his.
Also ask for oral sex. He should use his fingers as you taught him to, and then use oral to get you the rest of the way (and be vocal about what does and does not feel good).
There are many, many women who can't easily orgasm without a vibrator, so if it's a struggle for you even when you masturbate, you should consider getting one and letting him use it on you. You can even use it during sex.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Do NOT fake it.
what is he doing to try to bring you to orgasm?
penetraion alone will not do it for most women
most women I know need oral or good manual to bring them to orgasm...
most men think their magic penis thrusting in and out is all we need... most men are wrong.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Can you bring yourself to orgasm? When you say "having sex" does that mean sexual intercourse only or are there other forms of sexual intimacy such as manual or oral?
We have lots of questions on this topic already in the archives while you clarify your situation a bit.
Most women do not orgasm with penetrative sex only, there needs to be clitoral stimulation either manually or orally. You are not broken if you cannot reach orgasm via intercourse alone. It would be like expecting him to reach orgasm solely by stimulating his scrotum. It may feel nice but it's not going to get him off, just as focusing attention on the vagina solely is not likely to get you off. Realizing that a woman's sexual pleasure center is her clitoris is the key that will unlock your sexual enjoyment.
Thanks for updating us. Read the archives by doing a search here: http://www.dearcupid.org/search
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (15 August 2012):
First off, don't fake it. That would be a huge mistake. While it would make your boyfriend feel better in the short term, it would just be creating bigger problems that would have to be dealt with later. Plus it is a form of lying. I know some women do this, but those are the ones who typically don't have a fulfilling sex life.
Have you been able to climax with other men, or is your boyfriend your first sexual partner? I ask because there are a lot of women who initially have difficultly achieving an orgasm with a partner when they first become sexually active. If this is the case then the best thing to do is not obsess on it. Keep the positive attitude that it will sort itself out as you become more comfortable, and eventually you will be able to "let go" and climax.
If you have had an orgasm with other men then it comes down to technique with your boyfriend. If this is the case then you'll have to coach him. He can't improve and please you if you don't communicate what you like to him.
Best of luck!
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