A
male
age
41-50,
*murfy13
writes:I have recently met a guy and we get on really well. We have spent a few weeks together on holiday and I love him. He tells me he loves me too but "not in that way" even though we have kissed and cuddled. He says I will always be his best friend regardless of who he meets and he never will upset me. He has just started seeing another person, he has told me but he knows it upsets me so finds it hard to say it. He says if I want he will not see this person, but how can I allow that when he's told me he just wants to be best friends with me.I don't know what to do? Should I cut of contact with him even though we get on so well. Can we still be best friends when he has found someone else? I am struggling to decide and its breaking my heart..
View related questions:
best friend, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, smurfy13 +, writes (17 August 2012):
smurfy13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice so far.I am gay, the guy is bisexual and his new b/f is actually as transvestite so it a little complicated. He's says he is unsure of his sexuality, he had had girlfriends in the past but only just started to get interested in guys. He has very few friends. We are supposed to be going on a holiday to do a sports course in a few weeks. He is still very keen to go, I am unsure. In a strange way even though I wish he loved me I know it could never work, we are just too different. I am 10 yrs older and our social circles are very different. Maybe I distance myself but stay friends...
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (17 August 2012):
 the words recently and best friends seem to link together in a shallow way.
you say other person- is it a man or a woman?
also if he has been kissing and cuddling you (on holiday?) but then says that he just wants to be friends yet you love him, then this relationship is toxic to your self esteem.
is this man gay? is he in love with you? is this friendship healthy?
unrequited love is solved in one swoop (in time) with the removal of the trigger. your choice
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 August 2012):
'I am struggling to decide and its breaking my heart..'
Get used to this if you decide to stay 'friends' with him...seriously, how much of a friend is he when he flaunts other women in front of your face knowing how much it hurts you?
The whole friends thing is a sham. A friend is someone you feel completely at ease with, someone to share your thoughts and feelings with, someone to rely on and have fun with...this guy IS NOT a friend.
Everytime you engage with him, you are going to be hoping
'I wish he'd choose me'...and all the time he's gonna be thinking
'Yeah well this is nice, I never have to be bored or lonely and I can date who I want in front of this girl because she knows I am not into her but she's letting me keep her around so I can use her friendship when I want...so it must be ok'
It's time to cut the cord and move on, or you will never heal and may cause yourself so much damage that you may never trust another man again.
He has told you he does not want a love relationship with you...it's never going to happen so why hang around for some half arsed friendship that will end when he meets the girl of his dreams?
You really want to do that to yourself?
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 He's told you, pretty clearly, that the best you can do is be "Number 2" in his line-up of women friends....
The choice is strictly your's.... do you want to remain "number 2"??? Or, do you want to put some distance between you and this player.... and find a REAL guy who will give you a chance at being "Number One"?????
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, smurfy13 +, writes (15 August 2012):
smurfy13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. He has said he would do anything not to lose me as a friend and he would be gutted if I just cut contact. The thing is I know this a full relationship will probably not work out. So maybe I should just accept best friends?
...............................
A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Hi,
For you, the problem with the friends thing is you want more. He doesn't because if he did, he would.
Therefore, it is best to cut contact and tell him you cannot settle for anything else other than a relationship. Then leave. If he wants you, he will be in contact. Do not put yourself in a friends situation if you know in your heart you want more. The situation will drive you mad and leave you disappointed.
...............................
|
