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I broke up with him a year ago. Is it okay to wish him a happy birthday this year?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2016) 10 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2016)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I dated someone for three months a year ago. We had a wonderful relationship but realized we wanted different things in life. We ended up having a serious talk on his birthday and I ended up breaking up with him. It was on decent terms but he was quite heartbroken. He still wanted to be friends but I decided I needed space.

Now his birthday is approaching again and I'd love to wish him a happy birthday. It seems perfectly fine to me EXCEPT the fact that we broke up on his birthday last year. It wasn't expected or planned but just happened. The three years before he didn't celebrate his birthday for various reasons (travel, business trip abroad, and study abroad).

Would it be okay or inappropriate to text him a happy birthday? Hes a great guy and I'd love to reconnect as friends only if appropriate.

View related questions: broke up, heartbroken, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2016):

What am going to say is different then the other people, OK, if you just want to wish him, hb,don't do it, you broke his heart, an you didn't care, but, if you feel, like you made a terrible mistake, if you would love getting back with him, you are going to half , to tell him how sorry you are, but accurately, you are not, those would just be words, you going to have to show him, how you can change, an mean it, men have hearts too, I know cause I was the nice guy, who got ghost, would I take her back, she would have to show me, she really means it, not just with words, but her heart, but telling him you made a mistake, might help his healing, but I tell you what, get ready for all four barrels, cause I sure would, an I wouldn't hold nothing back, an that would feel so good, I feel sorry for the guy, but you didn't.

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A male reader, Dodds Kenya +, writes (5 February 2016):

Dodds agony auntNo,leave him alone lest you dredge up painful memories yet he has moved on and forgotten the hurt you Caused him long ago.Just let it go! Don't know why, but l have a feeling you won't. All the best

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (5 February 2016):

If he didn't take the breakup well, be considerate of his feelings and leave him alone.

Not only addressing your post, but this is to other readers. Sentimental thoughts about exes is basically a selfish emotion. Your wishing him a happy birthday is to sooth your own guilt. He's in his "moving-on" process. Although it has been a year, you have no way of knowing where his mind is right now. He may absolutely detest the very thought of you. Not likely, but possible. You're now risking your own feelings.

To all readers, unless you had a very amicable breakup;if there has been no contact from the ex. Please leave them alone and move-on with your life. If you aren't completely over your ex, you are opening an old wound and setting back your healing process. Exes are exes for a reason. They don't need you anymore. So more on. That book is closed.

Time to get a life.

It can save you and the ex a lot of unnecessary distress or avoid reopening wounds. Some people who dumped you, or got dumped by you, may have been practicing a speech to rip your heart out the next time they hear from you. They may have even told their new mate their one-sided version of the breakup. So the ex's new boo will then know how to reach you and serve you some unexpected chiding. That recently happened to a friend, and she is devastated. Her ex's new girlfriend posted on Facebook, and tore her apart.

The most hurtful part about this is, it was all absolutely true! She even posted the proof. Nothing defamatory, but it is embarrassing and hurtful.

Your intrusion, yes...intrusion, into their lives is asking for whatever can of worms you open. Keep that in mind.

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A female reader, mystiquek Japan + , writes (5 February 2016):

mystiquek agony auntAlthough you might have the right intentions at heart, I wouldn't pick this particular time. Its been a long time and considering you broke up with him on this day, its probably a memory he's rather not think about again. If an ex did this to me, I'd seriously be thinking "Why now? What does she want"?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (5 February 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt I would not do it either.

Personally I see it like Ivyblue . You only dated for 3 months, now , even if he took it bad then, in a year of no contact, he has had time to move on, so the average reaction would be, the guy thinks " WTF " and hits delete.

If you have reasons instead to think he would be happy to reconnect ( after all, you know him, and we don't ) it's still less abrupt,more sensible and more sensitive too tryng to start a general convo, saying you'd like to catch up etc... any normal day, outside of official celebrations. Then, when you are in friendly terms again, you can wish him happy birthday or merry Xmas etc.etc.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2016):

I agree that it is neither the time or the place.

Being heartbroken is not a pleasant feeling and he will not be happy with your attempt to reconnect.

It will look absolutely insensitive on your part

You could imagine the scenario.

He most probably has a new girlfriend and no doubt they have the story of how sad and lonesome he felt when the break up occurred and all you will be highlighting is how you much misery he went through.

Seeing as its a special day he might have bought a special ring for the new love of his life,maybe he is even ready to get down on one knee and pop the question and of course his new love of his life will have picked out a very special gift for him and they may even be celebrating in style.

Content yourself with the thought that you graciously moved out of his life and listen to a few of adeles heart breaking songs but do not try to establish contact right now or you may be seen as trying to rub salt in old wounds and new girlfriend will not be happy,

If you are in fact Adele herself just remember that the rest of the world loves you and your old flame is very proud to have been your muse ,but still dont contact him and if you are indeed one of the lesser mortals on this earth still dont try to be part of his life again because it is over...that is what wanting to do different things means.

Having said that you would be best to try to move into happiness with someone else and if you bump into him in town try not to linger too long because it will reawaken old feelings in you and this could be painful for you.

Keep reminding yourself its over and plan all the new things you can do...sometimes it does last in love and sometimes it hurts.

You can stay away from this feeling if you project yourself forward towards doing new things and meeting new people.

Dont take on guilt about the breakup now.

It happened and its over so keep on moving on, no backwards glances my dear .

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 February 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI wouldn't either. I don't think it's appropriate. And do you really want him to start associating his B-day with the break up?

Hopefully he is well over it now, so it would be ripping up in old wounds.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (5 February 2016):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntNo. You will not return him to bliss youll return him to mysery thinking of that breakup day. You wont get a good reaction.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (5 February 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntI personally don't think you should wish him on his birthday, because as good as the sentiment is, it might just stir up old memories and make him miserable all over again, that too on his birthday.

You were the one who broke up with him and left him heartbroken and now you plan to start a friendship on that very day. It would be like adding insult to injury.

If you want to reconnect with him then just strike up a conversation on any other day but don't do it on his birthday. You dont know how he'll interpret your text. His last birthday was already ruined, dont do anything that might spoil this one too.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia + , writes (5 February 2016):

Ivyblue agony auntI wouldn't. A year seems like too long of a time to warrant a birthday wish and it does seem a bit rich when it was his b'day that you ended things. Chances are he has well and truly moved and a bit too random to be getting a response. IMHO if it were me, i'd think not much more than "Whatever"...or "what does she want" but thats just my 5 cents worth.

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