A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently broke up with my boyfriend after two consuming and loyal years.I was bought up with utmost moral but seemingly started my relationship with my ex while he was separated from his wife.The constant struggle between my inner conscience and true love kept me tossing and turning with numerous sleepless nights.Finally I decided giving it up for everyone's good.But he came back to me with even strong determination and assurance that he was getting his divorce final and begged me to be by his side during his tough phase.Above all I desired his welfare and choose to be at his side through thick and thin.But the eerie feeling and my womanly instinct believed everything was not right.Though I gave all my happy to nurture the relationship a part of me could not ignore the warning sign that he is lying.Whenever I moved out from apartment and came back for weekends I found stuffs that no woman would like to find in her home build on trust and love.Then there were calls from the so called estranged wife who was still probably getting answers from my boyfriend.However I still choose to believe my ex and his stories....A year passed and he made the illusion of happily ever after from big to bigger.I couldn't have anything much better than a job, a home and a love to come home and spend my life with. Since my ex is a doctor he often had week long conferences, nothing much to contemplate on ...Untill I find folders filled with pictures of my then boyfriend and his estranged wife in each others arm,under fountain,in beaches...Seemed my fairy-tale dreams turned into nightmare with someone trespassing in it...I knew I was at fault to have gone through such pain and have never continued at first place..but my heart was weak enough at that point....to draw me into such nuisance..i was completely shattered and it all seemed end of the story...suddenly i felt from the women to being the other women,the secret,because the wife wasn't the end of story.....All my efforts and passion were wasted by his dirty little secret. When i confrontedhim with the truth ..he hesitated but accepted his fault and assured all that love and relationship with even more pathological lies.I would hate to be a homewrecker and never suggested him to leave his wife..Rather moved out from the house, job ,the city and from his life....However now I am lonely,wrecked and probably worthless and staying with my parents..though being with them eases my pain but i cannot share my prolonged paroxysm with them...i seek some answers to my untold agony, was i not good enough,where lies my fault for now i bear such pain.i have lost all enthusiasm or remote sensitivity.I know he was a prick,is happy with his so called sham marriage and will never ever care or bear compunction for his henious deed, nor do i seek revenge or wish pain for him.I often get deppressed and feel lost about the untold strife
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broke up, divorce, moved out, my ex, revenge Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dupedx2  +, writes (1 March 2016):
Sobbing
Again
For us both
Why were we so naive?
What did I do goes round and round
Suddenly my husband who was distant unavailable is showing interest but I can't trust anyone
A
female
reader, Dupedx2 +, writes (1 March 2016):
I'm in same position but married. I was living with a man wanting out, burned out by my terminal illness. My sweetheart from 19 (32years ago) and I found each other and instantly wanted to pick up where left off both miserable, or so he acted. He is in Army guard east coast. I live on west coast. We loved so passionately online by text etc. he sent beautiful long letters telling me how are life would be, begging me sobbing (PTSD) said wife was not a part of his life. Said no one loved like me. I was in loveless marriage. So romance was a growing fire. I actually began to fight harder to live. Then he got caught his wife called I was humiliated ashamed even suicidal. He promised to stay in touch. But now I'm the stalker the whore a stain on his reputation. I feel so stupid. I can't stop loving him anyway. It's been six months since he's called professing undying love. I know your pain. But honestly did we know better? Sure we did
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all to make me see my situation with less ambiguity.I have learnt my bitter lesson and also paying for my naivety. But now I stand alone with distrust and pitiful.The entire incident is a setback for me.All my efforts to nurture that very relationship was so consuming I am barely left with a social life, I have lost all my happy and confidence while my partner was living a dual life. I merely wasn't the other woman,I meant my relationship and chose to be there for him. Now I find I was a mule to bear the responsibility that his wife refused to deliver.I also had to leave the job and the very city. After, I knew about he being a shrew manipulator and a liar,I tried very hard to live with my own accord.He kept making my life difficult with frequent visit, greater efforts and more of sob stories. He even tried his sadistic way to make me budge.Today I am left broken and lost.Although I am trying very hard...the pain, jeolousy, confusion, distress is consuming me into depression.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 February 2016):
 Do you know the saying " Discretion is the better part of valour "? . It means that it's better, and more commendable, to think carefully before acting than just to be reckless and take risks.
You now are questioning your judgement, because it NEEDS to be questioned. You say yourself that you did not buy all his BS at first, and you had your suspicions- and you took him not because he disproved your suspicions by facts and legal documents, but just , basically, because he insisted ! , and sent you roses...
Well, yes, guess what : when people want to get something, they are likely to be persistent . Persistence is not synonimous of honest and sincere.
You can look at the bright side; this episode was a hard lesson for you, a lesson that will be very useful though in your future choices.
Now you know that talk is cheap and facts only counts.
You will avoid like the pox getting involved with married men... " on the verge of divorce ". If they are really so unhappy in their marriage, they can GET their divorce and SHOW the divorce sentence to you before starting a relationship.
You will remember that separated is still married, so it needs to be handled with utmost caution. Like, doing all your research and enquiries with his family at the beginning of the relationship , not at the end !
And you will realize that ANY man, single or not, who is not eager to show you to his friends and family, who is not actually flaunting you around, is a flake and deceptive. Either he has secrets to protect, or thinks you are not in his league and is ashamed of you.
You sound intelligent , articulate and educated, so I suspect that, although may be a bit unexperienced with men, you weren't as totally naive as you portray yourself. I mean, you sound smart enough to have thought by yourself all these observations of mine, which are, after all, just basic, common sense banalities. So, in a way, you CHOSE to be weak and the unhappiness you feel now is the price you pay for your foolish self.indulgent choice. Which, can be a positive thing for a while - if a mistake does not really BURNS us bad, we are inclined to repeat it again and again. Thing that hopefully won't ever happen to you anymore.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 February 2016):
 Sorry to hear of your hurt but if he's a turd flush him from your life and get a grip on a new relationship. Don't wallow in guilt or "what ifs"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never intended going near him at first place.I was recovering under him as patient first. He asked me out as a genuine guy and on very first date told me about his wrecked marriage and how his wife left him three years ago for some rich one and was not interested building a family ..{which probably is partly true}.I did not buy his story but he really made possible efforts and pursued me hard to give him a chance. His honesty,efforts and being lovely did make me move in with him. I really thought about rest of our life together with only just one pending task of him getting through the worse.But he never did take the initiative so,I did decided to let it go as any sensible girl would do.However this turned on the engine and he filed for divorce stating he needs to get it through on his own way by managing his and his wife family.I agreed and stood supportive even to the fact,if he wishes to keep his marriage i will not be the one wrecking it.It was the most heart breaking but honest decision of mine.I believed if he dose chose her I will not be the one breaking home and if he choses me..deres no looking back and we could have a normal life full of love and tenderness with no side track. However things got complex and he demanded I be on his side while he was thorough stuffs for us.But I guess evertyn was not true...U need not have a trip with ur wife if u need a closure, You dont need to go physical to find d sparks are dead,u dont bring her over to our house in my absence to get a divorce..Even more you dont keep your relationship a secret from your friends and famliy. I even gave up career opportunities just to be able to be with this man who was too busy keeping secrets.
This wasn't enough, when i confronted him about all these, He continues his trash of separated and finalizing his divorce and all evidences of his wife being a audacious women bedding another. whatsoever I choose to move away he retaliated with even more hearts and roses....but the funny side is it was hearts and roses on both side. To find what he really wants I really had no choice but to confront his family...And to my dismay....I find his stories where true but he is into playing on either side of the court. Surely, hez not divorcing her nor was letting me out of my agony....It was all so painful that I still am not able to buck myself up and cry myself to bed everynight. However he chose to live his life that way,or evrtyn has turn fine between him nd his wife or mayb he is looking fr some new catch....but where dose all dis take me? Why am I ultimately the laughing stock,butt of all joke and pile of mysery??? I am finding it really difficult to move on...seems like i have used all the happy embllishing a false relationship..and now the truth has hit me hard and handicapped...I am in utter dismay doubting my own self esteem and judgement...:-(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never intended going near him at first place.I was recovering under him as patient first. He asked me out as a genuine guy and on very first date told me about his wrecked marriage and how his wife left him three years ago for some rich one and was not interested building a family ..{which probably is partly true}.I did not buy his story but he really made possible efforts and pursued me hard to give him a chance. His honesty,efforts and being lovely did make me move in with him. I really thought about rest of our life together with only just one pending task of him getting through the worse.But he never did take the initiative so,I did decided to let it go as any sensible girl would do.However this turned on the engine and he filed for divorce stating he needs to get it through on his own way by managing his and his wife family.I agreed and stood supportive even to the fact,if he wishes to keep his marriage i will not be the one wrecking it.It was the most heart breaking but honest decision of mine.I believed if he dose chose her I will not be the one breaking home and if he choses me..deres no looking back and we could have a normal life full of love and tenderness with no side track. However things got complex and he demanded I be on his side while he was thorough stuffs for us.But I guess evertyn was not true...U need not have a trip with ur wife if u need a closure, You dont need to go physical to find d sparks are dead,u dont bring her over to our house in my absence to get a divorce..Even more you dont keep your relationship a secret from your friends and famliy. I even gave up career opportunities just to be able to be with this man who was too busy keeping secrets.
This wasn't enough, when i confronted him about all these, He continues his trash of separated and finalizing his divorce and all evidences of his wife being a audacious women bedding another. whatsoever I choose to move away he retaliated with even more hearts and roses....but the funny side is it was hearts and roses on both side. To find what he really wants I really had no choice but to confront his family...And to my dismay....I find his stories where true but he is into playing on either side of the court. Surely, hez not divorcing her nor was letting me out of my agony....It was all so painful that I still am not able to buck myself up and cry myself to bed everynight. However he chose to live his life that way,or evrtyn has turn fine between him nd his wife or mayb he is looking fr some new catch....but where dose all dis take me? Why am I ultimately the laughing stock,butt of all joke and pile of mysery??? I am finding it really difficult to move on...seems like i have used all the happy embllishing a false relationship..and now the truth has hit me hard and handicapped...I am in utter dismay doubting my own self esteem and judgement...:-(
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 February 2016):
 I don't think it is about you not being good enough, the fact is he was still married, he was never separated from his wife he lied to you just as he did to his wife. You are both the victims here off his lies and deceit. Don't think that it was your fault, it wasn't. Truth off it is you are better than him.
It is difficult to get over a relationship off course but it will get easier. Put it down to a lesson to be learnt not to go near a man who is married. It will take time to get over him but you will get there.
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