A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles :)I will try to make this short. My bf moved in with my two children and I about three months ago. He has helped us out with rent,cable, electric AND food. Hasn't missed a week of payments.A few weeks ago he called me and asked if I could pick him up from work because he found out that his drivers license was just suspended!! He has not been paying his surcharges that he owed over the last year due to previous mistakes while driving... He owed over $500 dollars in which I helped him pay *half* the money back in order to drive again. I told him that I will not drive him back and forth to work everyday. He has been gradually paying me back the money he owes me, so that is good. I was just in shock! I didn't know this was going on...One month goes by AND he was told that he now owes the d.m.v $200.00 * monthly* in order to drive!!! I know he can't afford to do this! He has this calm but "not really caring" attitude about this situation! I am NOT giving him anymore money and he knows this. I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL FOR HIM! I am very organized with my bills, ect... I can't understand how anyone can neglect stuff like this? He works hard, takes care of his kids ( child support ) He is a great dad and a great person in general. He is the strong AND silent type.Am I worrying too much??? If this was me? I would be freaking the f- out! I would have planned on getting an additional job AND make sure things were secure. I really cant talk to him about this because he just gets ^^^ed AND wants me to stay out of it. He doesn't like any kind of confrontation. He has his pride AND I do worry a lot...I just worry for my kids and myself. Depending on him means so much AND I am scared that things will spiral out of control. Am I overreacting? Should I just trust him to do the right thing? Needing some advise please. Thanks :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your answers. I have decided to let him handle his own situations and trust in him. Thanks again! :D
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (5 September 2012):
Well just because you'd handle it one way doesn't mean he's wrong for not handling it the same way. He probably figures there's not much he can do except pay back what he needs to pay back...life will go on. I'm kind of that way, so I kind of get why he might not have the "sense of urgency" that you do.
I don't think you should kick him while he's down. Not everyone is perfect and sometimes things don't go as planned and things happen. If he's got it together in every other aspect of his life except this, I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal. Personally, I think you should help him out a little, even if it's to drive him to work. You know he can't afford it right now, but like I said, if in every other aspect he's good, then you don't necessarily need to punish him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 September 2012):
 I agree with Aunty Em.Donüt lend him any more money, and, if he keeps paying his share of bills etc according to your agreements,... the rest is his problem, let him handle it his own way in his own time. He is an adult and you are his partner, not his mom. So as long as his financial misshaps do not directly damage or deprive you or your kids,let him sort this out by himself.
Sure ,what he did might have been a really stupid mistake that you or any other sensible adult would never have done etc. etc- but , I think he knows it too- and it is not constantly reaproaching him for being neglectful , unreliable or whatnot, that you will change the past or fix the present.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 September 2012):
 I would let him handle it TBH. He is paying you rent etc and as long as that continues I would trust enough for him to be able to handle his finances.
At least give him a chance to sort it out on his own time and his own terms.
Interfering and getting all up in his face will not help one little bit.
Let him know that he can come talk about things if necessary but until it directly affects you, I'd let it be.
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