A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my husband continues to be friends with a woman that i don't approve of. i told him several times that she wants more than that,but he says i'm just jealous. everytime she has drama in her life she text him at least 15 to 20 times and believe me is pretty often. i'm starting to feel doubtful about our relationship and i don't want to continue bringing up the subject because i feel he should be the one who stops this nonsense. I need some advice!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): Not so much advice as "I hear where you're coming from". My husband has a number of female friends that are not necessarily my friends, and he texts them back and forth constantly! The kicker is that if he ever happens to pick up my phone and sees a number he doesn't recognize I get the 3rd degree! It's very frustrating but I try not to let the jealousy show.
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 She's not the problem, he is. Trust me, people don't usually do that sort of thing unless they're being encouraged. He's getting his ego stroked twice, through her attention and by making you jealous. If you were to approve of this woman and be friends with her, his interest in her would fade pretty damn quick. Tell him to grow up, and if he thinks that the attention of another woan is so important that it's worth arguing with you about, then maybe you should pack his bags for him.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 The whole "I have a problem" thing is a to appeal to your guys's protective, manly side.
Is is a ploy.
A ruse.
It is the classic other woman's way of getting into your guy's emotional psyche.
You seriously need to lower the boom.
This woman is making a classic play for your guy.
Tell him what you are and aren't willing to put up with ~
We ALL have problems of our own and your guy's #1 priority is to YOU. He needs to realize that he is being played and that you should be the only one he is worried about and protective of ~
which is why she is doing this~
It's called LOYALTY! If you don't have it, you don't have a relationship that you can count on. That's an important factor in going forward, especially if you want a 'father' for your children that you can ACTUALLY count on to raise them and live with them!!!
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (4 November 2009):
 A self respecting man would never tolerate his woman doing this and that should go both ways for a pretty dammed good reason. Its totally disrespectful and a form of being un-faithful like R&B said.
I don't put much focus on the woman because it is your husband that is keeping this little drama alive. Do you think he would consider having an affair with this woman? If no, then you guys need to have a very serious discussion. If yes, I would tell him to pack his bags and get on his merry way.
Hope you dont mind me being blunt but life is too short to waste it on people who like this kind of drama.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): If you share the same cell plan, buy the service that blocks numbers and block her from calling or texting, or if his phone has that ability block her with the phone.
I know that isn't the solution because your husband does not want to stop talking to her.
Do a Google Search on Emotional Affairs and perhaps either discuss with your husband this topic or print out and article and show it to him. He may not agree, but this woman is having an emotional affair with him, they are connected emotionally and he is "in her life" where he doesn't need to be. This is a form of cheating and sometimes is worse almost than a physical affair which often is not emotional for the man at all!
People generally do not have enough time in the day or the emotional energy to devote to their primary relationship let alone an overdependent friend.
My best friend doesn't call me daily or text mem 20 times a day with her problems. We support each other sure, but we are not dependent on talking to each other before either of us makes a move to solve our own problems.
I think you should try show him how this makes you feel. You can start out by saying that you know his intentions are good, but that you feel like you are not getting his full attention because of her and you are starting to resent the interruption to your life from her texting and calling..
I went through a similar thing with one of my ex boyfriend's former co workers doing the exact same thing. She was married, 300 lbs and going bald on top, so I didn't feel threatened by her, I was annoyed at how she gave him a barrage of calls, and quite frankly I think she was after my man and she wanted to piss me off so that we would have a discussion about her.
She is now divorced from her husband, gee who could have seen that coming. Then her husband accused my ex of having a physical affair with her, even came over to his house and drove into the garage door.
His wife was telling him stories to wind him up, that is just the kind of person he is. This incident happened after we broke up and he even had a girlfriend at the time, so I seriously doubt he ever touched this woman, but she was clearly obsessed with him.
I am telling you she is not normal, she doesn't respect personal boundaries because she has none.
You need to start setting yours and letting your husband what you will and will not tolerate from this woman.
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