A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently had a bad accident, where I tore my meniscus and strained my calf playing basketball. So the last 5 days I have been in the bed on heavy pain medicine. I told my sister to call my girlfriend and tell her what happened because I was too high off of the medicine to do too much talking. Now that I am able to respond to her texts, all I see is her complaining how I'm making her stressed, because I hurt myself! I'm not even complaining about the pain I feel, but text after text it's her talking about how she's depressed, she's sad, and it's really hard to sympathize with someone who is too sad to go shopping when you are sitting in a hospital in pain after surgery. I just don't understand why she is making it all about her, when I'm the one that is hurt, and I'm not complaining. Yesterday I didn't wake up fully until like 6pm, and when I checked my phone, I had 30 missed texts of her freaking out because she thought I was ignoring her! When I finally texted her back she told me she threw up because she was so stressed thinking about me, and she couldn't go shopping because she was thinking about me all day. She then doesn't ask me how I'm feeling, she just goes on telling me about her day, about who did this, and who did that. It's not that I don't love her, she has filled my room up with get well soon cards, flowers, and gifts, so she has good intentions. I just want her to stop making everything about her, what do I do? Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): You've spoiled her by catering and yielding to her manipulation. Often men go over-board with attractive women trying too hard to hold on to them by flattery and jumping when they say jump. That eventually backfires. Her selfishness was always there, not just because you're laid-up with an injury.
You're finally realizing the monster you've created.
It also helps if you'd call and tell her what's going on.
Do you two ever "talk' like a couple of adults? I mean communication using words and voices. Not just devices!
You can't stay sober enough to say "I'm seriously in pain and medicated right now?" She hasn't used her two legs to come over and see you?
It's always about her?!! I speculate that you try to keep her happy by always making it about her; because you think that's what showing love means. You keep the peace by giving in and bowing to her nagging, tears, and whining. I've heard and seen all this before, and this reeks of all the symptoms.
Showing love is also knowing how to say no and set boundaries. She probably would care more, if she really knew what you're going through; and not playing "Mr. Macho" and hiding behind your medication. Like a crying baby who always wants you to pick them up, you have to leave them alone and let them cry sometimes. She's not a baby, and old enough to know better; but she's acting childish. A spoiled brat in fact!
I sense that you're actually tired of her incessant texting and insecurity-driven messaging. You've finally found some peace. Why don't you be honest with her and with us?
I wonder how many times a day you have to tell her you love her? You two really need to have a heart to heart, face to face talk. You come across like a guy contemplating a breakup with his girlfriend. I've know that when I see it too!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 January 2016):
 I dont think she understands what you're experiencing. Have you told her WHY you're not responding to texts? I find it odd that you couldn't call her yourself to tell her you were ill, I mean you weren't drugged down for days at a time, you were able to tell your sister what happened, and what to do, so to me it's obvious that there is a reason why you didnt want to tell your girlfriend yourself. I do think you're ignoring her and I get why. You know how she will react and you know she's all about making it about herself.
So, this isn't the first time, it's just now becoming too much for you to handle because you have very little patience now with the pain and injury and all.
Has she been allowed to see you at all? If you haven't even seen her yet, that speaks even louder to my theory of you purposefully ignoring her. Why are there only cards being sent, and texts, why no phone calls and why isn't she there with you? You're not teenagers, are you still living at home preferring your mother to nurse you back, over having your girlfriend there?
There's a reason why you don't want her around, and a reason you didn't even tell her yourself. Maybe it's because she's all about making it about herself, but you need to figure out whether this relationship has potential or not, because as it is I don't see why you're even with her. If it was me who had an injured boyfriend I'd be there by his side to care for him, not just send texts and cards. And I'd be hurt too if he couldn't even call me, or if I wasn't allowed to come over.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 January 2016):
 She sounds like a very selfish person to me. If that was me I would be at the hospital by your side showing you I love you, not complaining about shopping and buying you materialistic things. Has she visited? Spent quality time with you?
If I where you this would greatly upset me. It seems she is not a very emotional person, she thinks about herself and puts you second.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 January 2016):
 I think your GF is one of those people who can't handle deviations in her life, such as you getting hurt. Oh sure she can order flowers, buy stuff, but emotionally she is stunted. It's something she can't fix by talking or by being there. Because being there FOR YOU, means putting herself second and she can't handle that. Or maybe she is trying to "cheer" you up by talking about EVERYTHING except the elephant (your pain) in the room. Maybe she isn't aware that she is being a Debbie Downer - she might think all that chatter will keep your mind off the "bad" stuff...
Honestly.. I think you need to accept that THIS is who she is.
And while you are recovering maybe let her know you need positive vibes and some peace and quiet.
Try reading % languages of love - you can find the quizzes too online - my bet is you two show love in two very different ways.
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