A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a bit of a long one so thank you if you manage to read all of what I have to say.About 4 months ago my girlfriend got really strong urges to try out a cigarette for the first time, this i didn't approve of but because I'd tried one myself one drunken night I couldn't voice my opinion as it was invalid at the time, so I agreed to come with her to go get some from her nearby tesco.We got the cheapest pack there and she tried it outside tesco around the back and whilst she didn't like the aftertaste it gave she said she absolutely loved the smell, how it felt lighting it,holding it and how the smoke felt going down her throat. I didn't approve of this because of my stance on smoking so I asked her to throw them away and promise not the have anymore.Flash forward to 3 months later and after months of constantly feeling bad everytime she said she wanted them I gave in and bought a pack for her and told her to have 2 of them. This time she didn't enjoy them as much but she said that was mainly because she was feeling guilty about having them because of her promise to me, and that she reckons she may have made it sound better in her head then it actually was.Flash forward again to now and even though we've agreed for her to try an e-cigarette she's been getting strong urges to have them again, even though its been weeks since she tried cigarettes again and in those weeks she said she didn't want them not even once.Worst off I can't give her anymore advice as I don't know what to do. My emotions are torn as I want her to be happy and I know what she wants for her future (she doesn't want to be on them for long, she doesn't want the bad health effects and she doesn't want to be on them when/if we have a child, she wants to be able to go on holidays, afford our own house etc) but at the same time I want her to be happy and if she enjoys them then who am I to stand in the way of her happiness?.I used to care about how I felt about them and I will admit that did heavily influence how I felt about her smoking, but now all I care about is her health and her future. I want to make her future happen and it just feels like if she started her future would go down the drain. I really don't know what to do or how to feel anymore, she won't speak to her parents about this as her mum disproves of smoking and she doesn't want to disappoint her and my parents have tried giving advice (they both smoke) but nothing they've said has made her urges go away.Does anyone have a solution to this? Thank you for reading this and apologies for taking your time to read my plea
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): She smokes from before. But she didn't tell you. No w she comes with all of this about the urge of smoke a cigarette. She likes smoke. She won't changes for you. You earthier accept it or not. I say this because my bf smokes and one day I was so sick and mad of that smell in the apartment, clothes, furniture... And I gave him an ultimatum.. His answer was I am sorry I love you but I like smoke and I won't quit. I love him also so what I did I create like a little rules about his smoking habits when we are together so when he's alone or with friends without me he can smokes anywhere, anytime.. But when we are together he won't smoke inside my apartment. He will go outside. Think about it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2016): OP here, Thank you for your response aunt honesty but I find it hard to believe that she has been on it before. She only got the cravings to try one 4 months ago and we've been together since February last year, not once did she smell, taste or exhibit any signs of cravings for a cigarette.
As I mentioned she said the 2nd time she tried one it didn't feel as good so she reckons she made it sound better in her head (she had sexual fantasies involving them) and she reckons that because she had a taste and enjoyed it (she also mentioned that it made her feel relaxed, mature and more confident) that because it was "taken" away from her it only made her want it more (kinda like how a kid reacts when their new toy gets taken away from them after only playing with it once).
Now she says the urges come whenever she see's someone smoking or the thought randomly pops into her. She really enjoys inhaling incense smoke and loves the smell of bonfire smoke and weed so it makes me wonder whether this isn't about smoking itself but really she just enjoys the smell of it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 January 2016):
 It is vary rare to be having urges to smoke after only trying it a couple of times. Generally it takes a while to become hooked on smoking. The first cigarette is never good and therefore I am quite concerned when she says she enjoyed it. Could it have been possible that she has a secret smoking habit and was fed up with hiding it from you so she asked to try a cigarette. You need to talk to her about this.
Now as for getting rid of the cravings well only she can work on that one, there is help for people out there who are addicted to cigarettes. She can also see someone who will help her through this if she really wants to give them up.
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