A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:PLEASE DO NOT answer the following question with morals and personal opinions of how it is wrong or disgusting (insert hurtful comment here). ALSO no other arguments against my preference whether that be Science, Law or experience.I have a cousin that I'm secretly in love with her. When we were kids we played a lot together and spent a lot of tine. Unfortunately over time we spent less time because of my problem...My mom and I visit almost every Christmas. Last time I went (1 1/2 years ago) I kept mostly to myself and haven't talked to her. Unfortunately I didn’t get to go last year. I’m too shy of her; I can't look her directly in the eyes or be too close without feeling nervous. When she gave me a goodbye hug before I left for home I was reluctant to hug back because of my nervousness and she clearly noticed. I’ve been having these very strong feelings ever science, constantly thing about her and daydreaming. I even say her name aloud to myself and shed tears of sadness for not being with her. This is the strongest feeling I've ever had for ANYONE and I feel like she's my soul mate...I need to be with her, I need to attract her! No I wouldn’t say she's particularly hot but she's kind of cute and has this aura about her that attracts me. Maybe it's her personality she's usually a fun person to be around and at a distance out of my "nervous proximity" I feel a sense a soothing sensation that makes me feel like I have no problems in this world...Please tell me! How do I attract her?!? How do I get her to like me?!? How do I talk with her and lose my nervousness?!? I want to be with her fell comfortable, flirt and more...(And this is important: I don't want to scare her and I only have two weeks at most when Christmas comes!)
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christmas, cousin, flirt, shy, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ars29  +, writes (23 February 2011):
All right dude- here is what you have to do. I was in exactly the same situation several years ago- I was deeply attracted to my cousin, but I wasn't sure if she felt the same way. We were also very close and spent a lot of time together as kids.
Then, one day, she came to spend a couple of weeks with me and my parents in NJ. I used this time to 'test the waters' with her. While we were out shopping, I casually grabbed her hand to see how she'd react. Not only did she not let go, she squeezed my hand tight- which I took as a sign of her interest.
I continued doing things like this- putting my arm around her shoulder or waste, and gaging her response. Within 1 week, we ended up making out and it was the most amazing thing in the world. Best of luck to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): dear friend
u are a human , and not every one is emotionally strong ,
so , try and not to think off her ,a s u know u are not right ..
also time will take all feelings away frm u ,as it is the best healing machine.
get attracted to some other girl,if possible.
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A
male
reader, 2112EricYYZ +, writes (25 May 2008):
 i really think u should listen to india on this one she seems like shes been on the opposite side of this one so she knows whats she talking about
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Your first few lines asking us NOT to go into Morals and stuff tells me that you know what you're doing is wrong... lol ...
My Dear Friend.. If you like her, Make her your REAL SISTER.. !! Or, should i make it simple and say You wanna have SEX with her...?
Everybody loves relatives... You love your mom, sister, grandmother etc etc.. Would you marry them all...? Why can't you guys let you SISTER be your SISTER...? There are 7 billion people to have sex with..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): i love my cousen and i can tell she like me to i never had to say any thing to her i just be nice as i can to her. until recantly i have only visited her onc a year so its not like we are relatives its more like we are people from dffernt familys so there is no brother sister relationship if that is the way is is with you then your fine. P.S i would not kiss or anything because your perents would find out its even ok to tell her you lover her but you cant act on that love until your 18 or more so your perents cant stop you. so until then just enjoy the time you have with her.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Hey sweetness,
I'm not here to give you criticism for your crush, but I am playing devil's advocate a little bit. I think that attracting your cousin may be difficult because when I think of MY cousin (who I also grew up playing with and spending tons of time together) confessing his feelings to me... well, it doesn't instill the best feeling in me. In fact, it makes me want to barf. Not that he's not a wonderful person, totally adorable and smart and funny.... but I completely think of him as a brother and couldn't wrap my mind around thinking about him romantically.
I say this because if my cousin told me he loved me, our relationship would drastically change. I couldn't look him in the eye anymore, I wouldn't feel comfortable around him. I don't even know if I could see him again without getting really weird.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... make sure that you REALLY want to tell her, despite the possible consequences. I would wait until you get a feeling that she may feel the same way. From your post, I can't tell if she seems interested, or what? I just don't want you ended up really, REALLY hurt because of her and/or your family reacting poorly.
I'm really not trying to be mean or give your crap, I'm really just trying to help the best I can!! You seem like a great, genuine guy who is simply in love.
I hope things go well, sweetness.
xx India
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (22 May 2008):
I think your chances of geting her to like you in the way you like her are slim. Generaly most people don't feel that way towards there relatives for a number of reasons. And there is a high chance she might think the whole idea is gross like alot of society. So you have to think about that. I know you said you dont want people to tell you all the bad stuff, but thats just DENYING reality. I think its better if you seek help to deal wiht your feelings, rather then act on them. I think the fact that you are trying to deny and ignore reality shows that maybe you dont understand how you and her would never really work.
Everyone gets feelings in life for people who maybe we 'shouldnt' be attracted to, some people get it for there teachers, and a few for relatives. But the thing is that just because you feel soooo strongly for someone, it doesnt mean you are 'meant to be' or that it would work betwee the two of you. I promise you that if you try to move on from your cousin you WILL find another girl who you have feelings for 10 times stronger!!!
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (22 May 2008):
Since it's a long time till Christmas, you have time to get ready. First off, you are nervous around women generally, not just her. As hard as it sounds, socialize, date, and sleep with other girls now - the more experienced you are, the more sure of yourself you will be. Better to screw up with someone else than someone you idealize. Read Brian Gilmartin's work on Love-Shyness and practice dating:
www.love-shy.com/Gilmartin/toc.html
Read to pdf - it's linked on the page. Recognize that you have a rather low chance of success anyway, but if you don't do the work now, you have no chance. Love-Shy guys tend to be very romantic and have fixed ideas, and that often gets in the way of understanding real women. I know this is tough, but think it through and see what you can do. Good luck.
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