A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello I hope you will respond.I have a friend, he is 4 years older than myself and we have been friends for four years. However, we are not friends in the normal sense. We have never hung out, gone for coffee, a drink etc. He is a player, he likes to sleep around, he has been with many girls, and he can be very forthcoming and crude! I know that he likes me, he has stated many times, but we can never be together for many reasons - and he knows that so I always reject him. Recently I have seen another side to him. He is kind hearted and caring. He only ever speaks to me online or texts me. We never actually speak in reality. We are at college together, and if we do speak, it is just a 3 minute conversation. I have found myself beginning to develop feelings for this man and I know I shouldn’t because we can never be and he treats me like he does. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): No love..leave this one well alone....Dont think that you are the woman who would save him from himself or change him...That can only be done by one person-Himself...So ignore this challenge...If you concentrate or other things and take a step back and look at why you want him, you will find it is about the challenge of changing him or perharps he challenged you by saying you can never be together so now you want him....Rise above it, it will end in tears-yours...Unless he is a changed man and shows it, but I can almost bet if he changes into a nice guy , you would not be interested...Guess we've got a case of a bad boy syndrome here...Look after yourself and your heart
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): If he acts the way he does and you know you may never be then maybe it is best to let go and move on. If you can't even spend true time together its not very natural. If he treats you like he does, most likely that won't change
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (6 March 2011):
Let me make sure I have this straight. You have this friend, but he's not really your friend (in the "normal" sense). And, he's a player who sleeps around who is "forthcoming" and crude. Sounds like a real catch to me. Why do women waste time on men like this? Why would you do this to yourself? What you are telling us is that this guy is basically an asshole who treats women like crap, but you see another side to him -- the kindhearted and caring side (probably the side that comes out when he wants something from someone). And you have discerned this softer side to prince charming solely from texts and online chats that never exceed 3 minutes. Sweety, I got a bridge I wanna sell you! Wake up. You're being played. What should you do? Don't go there. But, if you want your heart trampled, and your self-esteem battered, then have at it and do your best to change this guy from a frog into a prince. You've been warned.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): I think since you don't have a real relationship with him if you cut contact with him the feelings will go away. Start to hang around with other people who are healthier who want more than to use you. You will feel much better about yourself and everything else. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (6 March 2011):
You like the way he is online, not in real person (thats why online couples usually get upset when they meet). Stop talking to him so much and meet new guys, there are so many at college, many are good and have values
Good luck!
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