A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please don't take this in a wrong way and call me conceited and superficial,I'm putting the problem as it is..I am 23 year old woman, and by god's grace I have the charm, personality, the beauty..I can walk into a room and have men look at me, till I reach the end..But the only problem is I'm still single I have no boyfriend..Men never approach, I don't know what I do wrong or how do I get them to approach me! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): I very much disagree. A woman can recognise she's attractive without being thought of as 'arrogant'. Men do it all the time. You have no way of knowing this woman is arrogant at all. She sounded like she has a healthy self-esteem, and isn't a grasping, 'gotta-grab-a-guy-asap-or-I'll-die' kinda girl - rather she is normal and healthy and recognises her value as a women. Perhaps it's time to realise that men in Anglo-Saxon countries have lost their 'cojones' in the last 40 years...and no longer approach. Some essential 'maleness' has been lost. When I was single, I loved travelling because men were men :-) - they were confident enough to approach. So...in reply to the original question - internet date to meet men, try speed dating, travel, enjoy hobbies, family and friends - and leave the men who are 'scared of their own shadow' to the girls who approach them, and then spend the next years wondering why they're got a dud on their hands.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 January 2013):
I agree with what k_c100 said below. Women generally like arrogance in a man, the same cannot be men about women. You seem to be very impressed with yourself, and even if what you say is true, many men will be turned off by that. Ive said it before, but good looking women are really a dime a dozen, and it takes a lot more than a pretty face to make a guy with anything to offer interested long term.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Many guys have issues with confidence just as women do. Maybe they are in awe of your beauty and your confidence and fear they will not measure up to your standards. They might think you will be very high maintenance and while happy to stand and gawp at you, not be prepared to take the time to find out for themselves whether you are high maintenance or not. They just assume you are.Some guys with a little experience of uber attractive women are slightly put off by them because of all the attention they generate. It is not always a very comfortable feeling for a guy, knowing half the room would probably like to bed his partner given half a chance. It can worry some and isnt very conducive to a `quiet` night out if the guy is continually scoping the room, watching guys ogling his partner and wondering if they will make a move on her when he goes to the restroom! All these factors can be off putting for some.So I wouldnt be surprised if your looks are actually getting in the way here. If you can play them down a little, smile, engage in eye contact and rely more on your charming personality it will make you far more approachable.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): Hi, I find that sometimes guys need a little push because they may be afraid of taking a risk or already imagine that you will reject them because they think you may already have a bf.
You could initiate conversation (even if it's something really stupid/general such as "do you know if it will rain today?") to put the guy at ease as he will interpret it that he doesn't repulse you and he may have a chance. If you start the conversation and if he is interested, he will definitely use his efforts to continue the small talk.
I also noticed that smiling and appearing positive will make you appear less intimidating and encourage communication.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (2 January 2013):
What I'd recommend is that you find out who you find attractive. And then, if you spot a guy that you would like to be approached by, send some clear (!) nonverbal signals. Make eye contact, smile, run your fingers through your hair.. maybe even ask a neutral question like "do you have a light?" or something. And then, if you get a light, say thank you in a charming way and start a conversation, or look like you would be open to talk.Of course, on the outside it seems as though guys usually take initiative. But when they do, it's very often because the girl has given a clear signal like I mentioned before. Or because they are just ignorant or drunk and can't read the "^^^ off" signs. Maybe you also go to the wrong places or in a group that's too big. If I was you, I'd go to parties and only take 1 or 2 single girlfriends with you. With a little alcohol and you looking happy and in a good mood, I am sure guys will approach you more than on the streets or in a café or something.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 January 2013):
 Why din't YOU try and approach someone YOU are interested in? For whatever reason you might come off as not interested so they stay back, that leaves you with one option.. approach someone yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Sorry if this comes across as harsh but when you swan around thinking you have "the charm, personality, the beauty" men are going to take one look at you, think you are too arrogant and too much like hard work.
There is a song by a British band (google it) called The Streets and the song is called 'fit but you know it' - this basically is about a girl who is beautiful but she knows she is so attractive that it makes her unattractive, to the point where it annoys him and he doesnt want to approach her.
So perhaps if you knock yourself down a peg or two, stop thinking you are god's gift to men and be a nice, down to earth girl then you might get somewhere.
To the majority of people, beauty comes from within and those that are truly beautiful dont realise it. Those who are beautiful on the outside but ugly inside are the ones who go around claiming they are gorgeous and thinking they should have men falling at their feet. If you really do have the personality like you claim, then you would never dream of posting a question as arrogant as this because you would have never noticed how charming and beautiful you are.
Work on your personality, you need to be a lot more down to earth in order to be approachable. Forget whether or not you are charming and beautiful, beauty is in the eye of beholder so to some men you might not be attractive at all, you might not be their type. If you are a good person, who is kind, friendly, does good in the community etc you are more likely to become approachable to more people. Get off your high horse, dont believe all the hype you have created about yourself and learn to be more modest. Modesty is a very attractive trait, far more than a stuck up girl who thinks she is some kind of supermodel and all men should be falling over themselves to get to you.
And if that still doesnt work - maybe try approaching the guys yourself? We are not in the 1920's anymore, men dont do the approaching all the time anymore so you might have to make an effort too. At least smile at a guy and stand next to him if you are in a bar for example, that way he will know you are interested.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (2 January 2013):
 I think that is could be that you are attractive and men won't approach you through fear of getting a rejection, which no guy wants, espessially in front of his mates. from your post im not sure where your going to meet guys, so im guessing its bars and clubs. Maybe a change of scenery, why not an evening class in something that interests you, an activity weekend, the gym. Don't be in to much of a rush to meet someone, take your time, even stop looking for it and relax and have fun with all this. Potentially we meet our perfect partners when we very least expect it.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Warm-Inspire +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Men are intimidated by attractive women as women are of attractive men and the fear of rejection flows through all of us.
It's not prohibited that a female approach a male if they find them attractive, you have charm as you state, why waste it?!
Good luck
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Hi
Its hard to say with so little information why men don't approach you,it could be any number of things.
You are clearly 'unapproachable' for some reason though.Perhaps they think you have a boyfriend already,or you appear aloof,or they think your out of their league and would turn them down.
Do you ever approach the men,start a conversation?
Do you have any male relatives you can ask for honest advice?
...............................
|
