A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I seem to have no luck with finding the right guy...Recently met a new guy on a dating site. We spoke for a few days then he asked me on a date. I accepted and we arranged a day. However, as the day got nearer, he said he had to work so we couldn't meet. On the Sunday of that week, he messaged me asking loads of questions about getting to know me I.e favourite colour. We spoke well into the night.Next day, I messaged him and got no response. The whole week, he kept ignoring me. Finally on Friday. He messaged and said he was sorry.. I explained he could have just said if he wasn't interested.. We discussed a bit more and I said "you have someone" he went it was a real dick thing for me to do..Was he always with someone? Now he says we can keep talking but I really like him. I want to keep talking because it makes me happy but then I cry because I know he's with someone.. I just want to find the right guy.... but I always find the wrong ones. I'm sick of being single.... I just want someone Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 November 2016):
 A lot of people use dating sites to have hook ups and also to find someone where they can cheat on a partner with as they are bored. If you set up a dating site that you pay for then maybe more sensible guys are on there, but my guess is they would be a lot older than you.
At your age you should be out enjoying your life. What is the rush to be with someone? It sounds like you would be with anyone to stop you being alone, in which case yes men will use you. They can smell desperation a mile away. Instead off looking for just anyone, stop looking full stop. Start building up your confidence and being independent. Start enjoying your life being single and do activities and hobbies you enjoy. Get off the internet and go out and meet new people.
As for this guy, he is seeing someone so stop talking to him. My guess is that he could see you where just wanting anyone. The moment he ignored you for a week you should have said that is not okay, when he stood you up you should have said that is not okay. When he said he was with someone you should have said again that is not okay. Men will walk all over you if you let them.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 November 2016):
 I'm not going to sugar coat this but for someone of your age you have an air of desperation around you. What's the Rush!? You've got your whole life ahead of you. Are you really that desperate to be in a relationship? You need to relax and learn to enjoy your youth.
I always feel that the ones that are aggressively trying to pursue a relationship are the ones that aren't ready for it as they're looking for ones for the wrong reasons.
Look, I'm 25 years old and ive never had a girlfriend and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I've never thought to myself I'd REALLY like a gf right now, there's been 2 times where I came close but things developed for us to go our own way, but that's just life. It happens and you get over it.
You need to learn to be happy living single. I enjoy the fact that I'm free to do whatever i want, I know lots of people in relationships that have to ASK permission to do things (very embarrassing). If you become comfortable being single you learn not to depend on anyone else and it starts to bother you less and if someone happens to come along then great, but you don't NEED them to be there to function because you're already perfectly happy living single.
You don't need dating sites at your age, you should be coming into contact with lots of potential partners in normal, daily life. Just RELAX, enjoy your youth and when the time is right you will find someone, stop trying to fast track it and rush into something that may not be right for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2016): Hi aweetie, I think i can answer your question for you. I know how you feel. I too was in your shoes where I always met the wrong guy for many years after I gotten my heart broken by all the wrong men I been dating on real life or online. I think you should distract yourself from thinking of finding a man at lease the wrong men Join a club get out there and do something great with your time. See if there are nice guys if you do something with your own time. Do you love reading, music,art,movies,ballad,hiking, rock climbing adventures? Join anything that interests you. And I am so sure a guy will come around the corner if you Join all the activities out where you live at.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (13 November 2016):
 You need to STOP investing SO many emotions into a guy you don't know.
CUT off talking to this one. It's a WASTE of your time and no, it won't make you feel good.
You come off as super desperate. To take your end sentence " I just want someone" That sounds like you don't really care if he is a good match or a bad one, as LONG as you are not single. No wonder you get treated like dirt by guys like this one of a dating site. You basically told him, IT'S OK to ignore me for a week - IT'S OK to play with my emotions - IT'S OK to USE me - as long as I get a little attention in return.
NO, girl you need to stop thinking SO little of yourself.
I don't even get why you at age 18-21 are on a dating site. Don't you go out with friends, go to school/uni, meet new people on a regular basis?
And maybe, it's the dating site you are using - Let me guess.... Tindr? right?
While some (few) people meet someone on Tindr most people use it for a hooking up. The guy you talked to was looking to hook up, but he realized you would be "too complicated" because you are so desperate. You presume he asked questions because he was interested in you.
Favorite color? That doesn't mean he is interested.
YOU PICK the "wrong ones" because you are desperate. When people are desperate for a relationship or a partner they IGNORE the red flags, like him setting up a date and then canceling on you, like him ignoring you for a week, like him NOT BOTHERING trying to set up a new date, then promptly telling you he isn't interested but still wants attention from you.
LEARN to BE OK with being single. LEARN to be OK with who you are. If you are bored or feel boring, change that up. Go find hobbies, volunteer, sports. HAVE A life. Learn new things.
You are NOT a 1/2 person looking for your other half. YOU are a WHOLE person looking for someone to compliment who you are, to make you better and who you, in turn, make better too.
But first - block this dude and chill.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (13 November 2016):
 Perhaps this desperation to find someone - i.e. ANYONE - shows in your communications and scares off genuine guys?
I do wonder why, at your age, you are using dating sites instead of going out and meeting people? There will always be people who will play with you, who have a partner but will flirt and pretend to be single. As soon as you find out the truth, you need to say "thanks, but no thanks" to them and move on. After all, how would you feel if he was YOUR boyfriend but chatting up other girls?
You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you and plenty of time to find a boyfriend. Don't compromise in what you want.
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