A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi there... So a little about me.. I recently moved to a different school and in a different country and Im turning 18 very soon.. So recently, I flew home to visit my parents even though I had tests coming up. And my holiday was just a week, the problem is I did study and cramped at the same time. I actually take 4 subjects and passed two of my tests and failed two others. Its just a revision test, its not like a huge exam. Its like a topical test. I'm quite upset my test results but i'm afraid of what my parents and aunt may think. (I live with my aunt at the moment) I think its because of the traveling that could've been a factor. But obviously, its a factor not excuses here. But im just really scared because i will have a report sent home in December and it will show that I have failed with a big F. What should I do? There will be another topical test at the end of the month, Im hoping to do better in that to make up for the failed ones. My parents do know that I study really hard and they know all my school work is done very well. I usually score As and Bs and math I score either B or C.. They are aware that math isnt my strongest. My schoolwork is always at an A* level or A. So what should I actually handle this situation? I'm just a little scared and worried cuz im chinese and they have this habit of the moment they see an F, they would kinda throw criticisms in your face, especially my aunt who will get the report before my parents do. My parents probably would be a lot calmer and wont critisise but they would ask me do better next time or smtg... But the fear is still there. :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2016): I posted this question...Its actually a uni course but it is being taught in a small college. Anyways, i started revising for my tests already and I am trying to balance things out and study whenever I can. Whenever, i have a long lunch, i would read my textbooks and make some notes and do homework if i have any. As the course is still new to me, just about 2 months into the whole course. In response to cindycares, in all honesty and i am being honest about myself about this, like my bf and I dont text much cuz BOTH of us made an agreement that we do not text each other when its work time or when im studying for tests etc. Well perhaps, one of the subject i failed is new to me, so i think i might need more time to wrap my head around it. Actually, idek what happened during those tests. I kinda blanked out and forgotten what i read and revised. so... yeahhhhh
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 November 2016):
 Uhm.. I get the feeling that you are a bit too lenient with yourself and you ARE actually looking for excuses for your poor results. Ok, let's forget about the boyfriend, let's say he is not a factor in your insuccess (.. but that would depend too, though. Like, if you meet him only once a month BUT you spend hours every day texting with him... or just daydreaming about romance ... ).
Refardless;... you say you put time, hard work and effort in your studies- still you have failed 50% of your tests ( 2 out of four ). How could it be ?! Then it could only mean one of two things :
- that you did not put ENOUGH time , hard work and effort in your studies. You underestimated the hours of sheer " grunt work " and the amount of concentration it takes to pass, so you need to double your efforts.
- or, unluckily, and that would be more serious so I hope it's not the case, that you are enrolled in a course of study that's not for you , that you are not cut out for and which can't capture your attention, say if you are following a mostly scientific curriculum while your talents are humanistic, or viceversa. Some people are not just made to be a mathematician ( or a philosopher, an historian, a chemist etc. ) no matter how hard they try .
Other than that, - it's almost impossible to explain your F's.
You see, you make it sound as if FOUR subjects were such an inhumane humongous effort... but, if I got it right, that's very normal, run-of-the-mill for a high school at this stage of the school uear.
We are not talking about university term papers, or finals, or graduation thesis here, right ? which may require a massive time committment.
You say they were revision tests, just topical tests on some of your subjects- as it happens , with slight variations, in all European schools. Now, school started early September right ? And two months later you had your revision tests. That means, and calculating generously !, say 100 pages of reading material each test ( NOT the whole school year revision ). That makes 400 pages. At a confortable, slow learner pace of 10 pages one hour , that makes 40 hours of serious,intense work to pass your tests, even if you had never paid attention in class or opened a book before. Which translates in practice , into 8-10 days of serious, committed work before the revision.
Something 's gotta give here - I really doubt that you could have failed two subjects if you had studied just ENOUGH ( enough, not a terrible lot ).
Of course there may be allowances to make for the psychological unease of a young girl far from home and family, in a foreign country and culture, pressured by the weight of parents with high expectations, etc.etc.etc.
But please let us, i.e. let other people , make these allowances as they see fit- do not quote them yourself, it does not look good , it looks like shirking responsibility. At the end of the day , it's simple: when you work hard , you reach certain results : if you don't reach them- you did not work hard enough.
Now, your parents won't be pleased , I guess, but I suppose they are aware that the past cannot be
changed and there's no point in cryng over spilled milk. Take responsibility for the not brilliant results, stress how this is the first time that you slipped, as it may happen to everybody, and promise you'll do your very best to make sure that it will also be the last. And then do it - your very best , I mean. Everybody screws up sooner or later, in life- the main thing is not never making mistakes, it's making mistakes and from that learning what went wrong and what to do to not repeat them !
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2016):
 Maybe cut back on going out weekends with your friends and focus on your studies. Remember you did move half way around the world. Yes you said your course was intense that is why you need to put in more study. Nobody is accusing you off anything. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time and take responsibility for your life. Stop lying to your parents and if you feel the course is to difficult for you then change to something else. It is your life and your choices but you should not be lying to your parents. They worry and care about you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 November 2016):
 Your secret boyfriend is a big reason your grades aren't what you hoped, I'm afraid. You can't blame it on one week.
Just be honest about the boyfriend and the grades, then learn from your mistakes and don't have a boyfriend until you can juggle your time better and not have a secret boyfriend.
I am sorry this is stressing you out so much, but this is your wake up call: education and honesty before boys.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): I posted this question...
Just so you know I only see my boyfriend once a month. And this is like the first time i failed. So yeah. I am taking responsibility for my studies and I do put in time and effort into my work. And my bf hasnt been a factor after all these time. So like the way you penalized me, its kinda accusing.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 November 2016):
But I think you are also missing out that you have been spending a lot of time with your boyfriend against your parents wishes and my guess is that is why you are scared off telling them you failed. Also it could be the reason your studies have falling behind just like your parents where scared off. I think from previous posts you have been told to take responsibility so I will say it again, be honest with your aunt and your parents. Cut back on seeing your boyfriend and put more time in to your studies. Don't try and blame it on being away home for a week. You wanted to be treated like an adult, so now it is time to start acting like one.
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A
female
reader, Mistercatbean  +, writes (13 November 2016):
 What i've learned over the years is that there really isn't much we can do about what people's set expectations are. I grew up with what other kids at my school would call "strict asian parents". My parents would talk to me in a way that gave me the impression that I'm expected to do well in school and be a doctor. I wasn't given the option to want to be anything else or work towards something else. Conversations would be "Oh look at that nice house, WHEN you are doctor you should buy a house like that.." "WHEN you are a doctor you can buy whatever you want". "WHEN you get top grades and be a doctor, you can do this..". There's nothing wrong with wanting your children to be successful and as worry free as possible, because it is your child's happiness that every parent, aunt, caregiver etc. Wants. There's also nothing wrong with pushing your child to try their best to have a good job and to work their hardest because it is people who work their hardest and persevere that have more opportunities open to them in life. What I think is most important and now that I'm finishing up university and have learned, is that I really wished I hadn't got so stressed, anxious, and caught up with showing my parents my grades. These grades are for me and my future. These grades don't give my parents more opportunities and success, they are for me. I moved from Canada to the middle east in 11th grade of highschool because my dad got a new job there. My grades DROPPED. I was an As and high Bs kid on gold honor roll and all of a sudden I got one C and the rest Bs after the move. I was terrified of showing my parents my grades. I didn't think about learning from mistakes or giving myself any kind of consideration of what kind of stress I might've been going through with the move and that I need to just think of taking care of myself, seeking help, etc. I was terrified of what my parents would say or do that I used the school's photoshop software and copied the layout of the report card (with the school logo and everything) and changed my grades. I printed out a modified report card because I was scared of my parents. I still regret it, not because I got caught by the school who saw what I did on the computer and in the print history, but because if I got away with it I probably would've continued to do that instead of re-focusing my studies or seeking help with them. I would've been happy with my parents thinking I was doing well and I wouldn't have cared if i actually was failing since they thought I was getting As. I was so caught up in their opinion of me being a marker of success instead of valuing my own hardwork. When I was only in grade 6 I had insomnia for months after switching from a small town school to the most academic focused private school in big city, because I got a 68% on an algebra test. I tried to white out my score and write a higher grade on top of it because I was SO scared of what my parents would say or do. Ultimately the grades are for YOU, not them. What is important is learning from your slip-ups, loving yourself, making time for yourself. Be understanding towards yourself and grow as a person because you value yourself. There's always going to be a higher grade you can get or some higher expectation someone can put on you. But those grades are for your future and the most valuable expectation to meet is a healthy one you set for yourself and what your goals are.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (13 November 2016):
 What's done is done, so all you can do is explain, calmly, what happened - that you had four tests to study for at one time, and it didn't go as well as you had hoped. If you are able to get higher scores on the next round of testing, that will show your parents you are making progress and may help the bad report to go over a bit more easily. You will know your next set of scores before that report goes home, so just focus on studying for the next tests and that way you can deliver better news to them when the time comes.
If you can join a study group or seek extra help outside of class with the subjects that are giving you trouble, not only will that help your grades, it will also be something you can point to as evidence of your intent to make up for the low scores.
I know this is going to sound incredibly stressful, but you might even consider breaking the news to them *before* the report comes home. You know your family best - they may react better if they hear "bad" news from you in a timely fashion, rather than read it in a school report and know that you have been keeping quiet about it all along. If they are going to be upset about the grades AND upset that you didn't mention anything, it might be better to tell them yourself in the near future so the scores are the only bad news for them to react to.
I'm very sorry to hear you're stressed out about this, and I hope this helps you. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (13 November 2016):
 Treat these results as a warning that you need to put in more serious work before the end of the month. In your shoes, I would tell your parents BEFORE they get the official report. Say you worked hard but you didn't do as well as you wanted to and, hence, you are going to put in really hard work before the next tests.
I assume your parents have sacrificed a lot to send you to the UK to study, hence have high expectations of you. Don't hold this against them as they want what they see as the best for you.
If you are one of those people who do well during the year but not in exams, perhaps have a word with your tutors for tips on doing better in exams?
Good luck. I hope your next results are what you want.
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