A
female
age
41-50,
*unystar1
writes:I have posted a ? about my family and in laws trying to destroy my marriage. Today something happened. I think its all adding up. The man I have married contributes very little to the relationship. Nothing in finances but a cell phone on his account. His in laws have done some very rude, rejective things to me and our 2 children. I have always tried to understand their behaviors. My husband has 2 other children from past relationships. He was never married to the mothers. His family lives closer to them and is 3 hours away from us. They have a timeshare they visit 30 mins away. They were just down for 8 days and did not ask to see us. I am starting to think there is more. We had seperated Nov. 09. He left everything behind and I had everything on my side. The only thing he had on his side was the I was in battle for my health. I needed help. So he came back. Things were rocky and he ended up renting a uhaul in March 2010 to leave. This would have been the 3rd time. I was gonna let him go without a fight. I had always fought for our love before. He gives me no love in any way unless it is for sex. He will even send me text from the bedroom saying he needs to releave some pressure. Like I am a walking in house prostitute. I have put all I have in to this and have made SO many sacrficies. I think he saw an opportunity to get more legal benefits when we got married as things began to decline very fast. He had made comments before the wedding that my house, cars and kids would be his on paper. I am a Christian with great faith and just put this in Gods hands. I feel like I have been played. BIG time. There is much history to prove it. I know the courts will see it if I am given a chance to present all of the facts. I do not want to share joint custody. He is barely a father here in the house. His family makes my children feel un accepted and I don't want my innocent babies with such sweet spirits to be changed by them or all of this. We have only been married for 3 months and he was asking for a divorce 2 weeks after. I know it was all a set up. I feel like he should have to repay me for the 4 years I took care of him - and I did everything, just like a parent caring for a child and more. The attorney I talked to said that the length of the marriage will not entitle me to alimony, yet I am disabled and have become more ill since having our 2 children. Prior to their births, I was working part-time and going to school full-time to better myself. The last pregnancy just took to much out of my body. I have many neurological disorders and have had many surgeries to prolong my life as my situation is chronic and terminal. I just can't believe someone would take advantage of me. I am such a lover and honest giving person. I help people whenever I can. He used the sweetness of me to his advantage. His x best friend contacted me once thru an online site and warned me that they use to talk bout how to play a girl for the easy life. It all makes sense. Won't a court listen to all of this and take in to consideration all that I have done and given him. He will leave this marriage a much better person who was taught many skills for life and I will leave this marriage with 2 kids to care for alone and no credit now as I lost it paying his bills in the beginning. The bad thing is that I can not afford an attorney and I have reached out everywhere. Even my church is mislead by his charm. They were suppose to continue counsel with us and wont even call. I am scared he is gonna take the little I have. He has bought property during the relationship that was suppose to be gifts but he is saying he is taking what he came with, what he bought, what I have bought him and wants more due to the marriage. This is crazy. I saved him over 20,000$ a year for the last 4 years. He wont work and that may hurt me when seeking child supoort and alimony but he is in great health and I am not. Im afraid if I push my health issues in the court, they may think I am unable to care for my kids, yet I am everyday and him as well. I'm the one always on the go while he naps and sits on the couch. I do feel he loves me but it has been lost with all the bs from outsiders. He is very stubborn and prideful. His own mom who really don't like me even said, he use to be so self absorbed and selfish, I have seen him change in so many wonderful ways. Dont they see why? Me! I refuse to let him do wrong things and becauz I confront it, I am the bad guy. Any suggestions? Any help? I need protection in this....this is what happened to me in the 1st marriage I had of 10 years. Almost the same identical situations...but my x was a threatening person and said if I did not give him everything he wanted, he would kill me and told me how, and he could have pulled it off with my med problems and got away with it...so I gave up everything. I know I need counseling to not repeat the same choice of men again. I do not want to break my vows, but I am tired of no love and being used. I want to feel real love before my time is over. Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Wow, you have a bad situation there and I honestly don't know the answer. I don't think the courts give people anything extra because they feel sorry for them. Wishing won't make things come true, nor will being angry. You have to have a plan and stick to it.
I hate to say this, but you are going to have to fight, with an attorney. My suggestion is that you find the 'shark', the attorney other divorce attorneys are frightened by. Ask around and people will tell you who does a great job for the clients in divorce cases.
I have heard from friends that the strategy for dealing with a divorce can be counterintuitive, that is, you do things that seem backwards, like spend the money, rather than save it. It depends on your situation of course, but you need to get a good legal mind in your corner or you are going to be walked all over in court, and will be left wondering what happened.
Wishing won't make it happen. Do your best to find the 'shark' then listen to the attorney, no matter how upset it makes you. You are going to have to remove emotion from your approach to this, you can't be about the feelings and the 'right' or 'wrong' here, okay? I'm sorry for the problems you are facing, but it is now time to face them with a great legal advocate and a non-emotional approach.
Good luck.
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