A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i've been having an affair with a man for the past six months. we really are in love. when we first got together we never thought that we would have feelings for each other the way that we do he is in a loveless relationship for convenience. him and her got together really young and i think that he is scared to scar his son the way his parents divorce hurt him. they have a two year old son. me and him see each other almost everyday when we don't see each other we are always in touch. my family have no idea what is going on. but i am more than positive that they will disapprove.i secretly believe that eventually he will leave her for me. am i being a fool? i don't know what to do. i really love him. please help.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 Run a test. Cut off the sex entirely and see how long it is before he makes a move. Either he leaves his wife or he finds a new girlfriend on the side.
Please don't throw your life away on a married guy with no intention of leaving his wife, it's sad and it's frankly pathetic. You're going to spend every holiday alone, you won't be able to spend time with him with your family.
You are practicing wishful thinking, not looking at this with clarity, I'm afraid. Wishing doesn't make it come true. Him actually separating from his wife, moving out, filing for divorce, getting a divorce, THAT'S actually making it come true. He's not doing any of those things because he has no intention of doing any of those things.
Sorry, but this is classic.
And every day you waste on him, you miss an opportunity to meet a guy who actually IS available and wants to be with you and hang out with your family and spend the holidays with you and build a life together. Right now, you're wasting precious time.
As I said, run an experiment. Cut off the sex entirely and see how long this lasts. I give it less than a month, personally. That should clear the love-goggles of the steamy lusty mist and allow you to see with clarity the character and intentions of this guy, charming and wonderful though he may seem.
Take care of yourself.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 October 2010):
 What I can't understand is why women keep falling for all this bullshit? Cheaters always say the same damn things and women, for some demented reason, believe them. They think their situation is unique when we hear the same scenario over and over again on DC. Baffling just baffling.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Hi
my husband cheated on me he got caught and he begged me not to leave him.
my answer to you is walk away any one who cheats on their partner is not worth having he could and problery would cheat on you.
To save every one including yourself from the pain your affair will cause if his wife finds out and does not want him anymore that is the only reason he will come to you.
So please give him up there are plenty of guys out there who are not in a relationship.
think to yourself how would you feel if u were the wife?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): bluntly put : this married man is using you for sex. why pay a prostitute when you come free? have you thought of this? he will NEVER leave his wife and son for you. after all if you can screw a married man without any morals why would he want to spend his life with a cheater? kid, look at your relationship realistically. you are hi excape from normal life, the forbidden. he has his preferred family on one side, his wife with his name and his wife that he goes home too. you on the other ise, giving him extra sex on the sly. which man will not be in heaven with this outcome. as long as you ask not questions, provide him with the Fing when he wants and he goes home like a good husband and daddy, he has it all made. you are being used my babes and the quicker you accept it, the quicker you can make decisions. for now you think you are special, you are different. hon, ask all mistresses. they too thought they were special. how many men have left their wives for their mistresses? not many. they all hope that it will happen. and after it happens , how many stay with them?
you need to take off your blinkers and see your role as a mere F bussy, nothing more or less. and well if this is what you prefer then you have made your decision. why pay when you provide the goods free?
-LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): Most of them don't leave their wives.
Try to find someone who is free for a full relationship, or have a break from men for a while and go out with your friends, pursue your hobbies etc. Maybe have a holiday if you can afford it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Yes,you are being foolishly optimistic. I hope you may be the lucky exception, but, from what you say , he has so far just recited the catalogue of the usual trite old banalities which every man who does NOT mean leaving his wife is telling the mistress.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 October 2010):
I'm afraid you are being foolish, yes.
"He is in a loveless relationship for convenience" - EVERY married man says that. That's eh first thing they say. Yet there he is, still in the marriage, not leaving.
"He doesn't want to scar his son" - What will happen when his son finds out he's been having an affair? Which he will one day.
Married men are a no-go. Even mathematical statistics have proved it. Approx 89% of relationships that start as affairs crash and burn, Yours will too, so why subject yourself to ridicule from other people who will say you're a homewrecker, and life with a man who is a lying scumbag cheat.
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A
female
reader, kerbear75 +, writes (6 October 2010):
I am not sure if he will leave his wife, and he probably isn't either. A man who would not finish his marriage and tie up the lose ends before starting a new relationship is probably not a very good candidate for dating.
If he did leave his wife... ask yourself this, do you really think he will want to get tied down again? Honestly if you believe he will, then what makes you so special that he wont cheat on you? And lastly, how much would you really trust him, knowing he cheated with you?
I don't mean any of that mean, but chances are he will stray on you too. The odds are not very good for you.
I also dont know if you have thought of what it would mean to be in a relationship with a man who has a young child and an ex-wife to deal with. Are you going to be okay when the ex-wife calls in the middle of the night because his son is sick and wants daddy and he runs over to them? What about xmas morning... would you be alone or would he not be with his son, or would you spend it with his ex?
I do hope you end up with love and what is good for you, I just think the odds are against you. Be smart and careful. Good Luck
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 October 2010):
 I honestly believe that you should stay away from this man. If not for the sake of morality then at least for yourself. He needs to take care of his son and his wife whom, even though is no longer recieving his love, might still have a desire to fix her marriage unless of course, you are absolutely sure that she resents him completely. Even so, you should stay away from him until he gets everything sorted and he is completely ready to be with you if that is in fact what he wants.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): well love is like politics the incumbent always has the advantage. pls try to remember the wife depends on him to support the household. so why would you start an affair with a married man. unless you want what she has.
no sympathy for you
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