A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently found I that I am hiv positive. I've only had 3 sex partners. Last year I was dating 2 guys and I was tested last year after sex with them and I was negative. I've been single and haven't been sexually active. I recently started talking to a guy this year and we have been talking for about 2 months. We had unproctected sex and about a week later. I got sick. Neither one of us cummed during sex but we did pre cum. We had sex and did oral. After I got sick. I begin to wonder did I have std symptoms. I looked it up and I did. I went to get tested and I was hiv postive. I found out today that I was. I'm lost for words but the guy dating now I told him I was gonna go get tested but he said he has always had protected sex and if I had some It wasn't from him but he is the only one I had sex with since I was last tested. It has to be Because of him. Idk how to tell him. How can I explain this when he is Gonna get upset and deny it.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 July 2014):
 I'm sorry about your diagnosis. The MOST important thing you can do is be PROACTIVE about your health and TAKE your meds.
Second most important is to inform partners. HE IS the most likely candidate, but it can take a while to show up on tests (testing is getting better and better though) HE needs to test, but THAT is NOT your job to "get" him to do. I would ask your doctor how to go about it. Or even consider looking for legal advice.
And in the future ALWAYS make sure ANYONE you have ANY sexual contact with KNOWS that you are positive.
Life isn't over because of HIV, you JUST have to be extra vigilant for OTHERS sake.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2014): I'm very sorry about your diagnosis/bad news. I would definitely have more testing done according to the time frame recommended because this could be a false positive too. I think a series of tests are recommended. You can also take pep(post exposure prophylaxis within 72 hours of suspected exposure to prevent the virus from infecting you.It takes 2 weeks to 6 months(3 months is the norm) for hiv antibodies to show up, that may rule out this partner if you were tested after only one week, but he still needs to be tested and inform all of his partners if he is positive. I think that it's legally required for him to be tested now and if you're afraid to tell him I think the place where you were tested will do that for you. I hope he isn't knowingly infecting people. If you were tested after the other partners, not sure of the time frame, it could have been false neg or for some reason maybe you didn't produce antibodies until later on. I think a series of 3 tests over a 6 month period is required to confirm you have the virus. You should tell all your other partners too of course just in case they may have infected you.Some people don't have symptoms for years and don't test positive for longer I think. A friend's brother has been immune to hiv his whole life. You can live a healthy life with the many new treatments available now, you need to start treatment right away and eat a healthy diet to stay healthy. http://www.kaletra.com/what-is-hiv/hiv-symptoms.aspx?cid=ppc_ppd_kal_ggl_kal_8775
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (10 July 2014):
Dear OP,
I am so sorry for you.
Before I say anything, just a question: How long did you wait to get tested after the first two partners? Because HIV antigenes can sometimes only be measured in the blood after about three months. So technically, if you had had sex with the first two guys, and one of them gave you HIV, and you did your test only one month after the last sexual contact with the second guy, you could have HIV from that second guy. Maybe youwish knows even more about this.
My advice would be, also, just to be sure:
1) Ask about the testing procedure.
They say in the USA a HIV test result is very secure, because they only tell you that you are positive if they run two different tests (ELISA & western blot). But you might want to check if your doctor really tested you in this way.
Read about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnosis_of_HIV/AIDS
2) Get some information about your condition, so you know that you can actually live well with this.
http://www.niaid.nih.gov/topics/hivaids
And at last, of course you have to tell your current partner and tell him there is no possibility you've gotten it from someone else, if you verified that your test was made long enough after the last sexual contact with the second guy. There is no good way to say this. Well, I guess it's better to say it face to face, than just writing a text or saying it on the phone. But anyway. There is no easy way to break those news to somebody. Just don't wait too long, it's important for his health also, to get tested and treated. Because if he goes on with his life, not knowing about his infection, he will harm others and also might get very sick.
Ans also, you have the right to be angry at him. Because he probably lied to you about always having protected sex.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 July 2014):
 First off, I'm so sorry about your HIV diagnosis. I'm sure that's nothing short of earth-shattering to you to find this out.
Second, I agree that you should get a lawyer, because knowingly exposing someone to HIV is a pretty serious crime, and it can't be ruled out that the person you were infected from may have known.
Third, I don't want to scare you, but it's still possible that this guy you're with wasn't the one who infected you. Many HIV tests are detectable from 9 days up to 6 months after suspected exposure. Many people get tested repeatedly, with the 12 week test being quite accurate to detect HIV.
You didn't mention when you took your HIV test from last year, how soon afterwards or how many you took. HIV tests are in sequence because they test not for the disease, but the antibodies your body generates to fight it off.
Protected sex doesn't mean you're 100% protected. Unless there was oral sex happening with dental dams, that's a big way to transmit STI's. I think you're right and this guy is the positive one, and he *needs* to get tested. If you had oral with any other guy this year besides this guy, they are also a possibility.
You need to tell him because you now have a legal obligation to, and you'll save lives as well. He must get himself tested as well, and I'm guessing he'll test positive.
Being that it's July, I'm not sure how late last year you were with other guys, but you may want to tell them to get tested as well just to be sure. Symptoms in some people are latent, and they may not know they could be infected. Same goes for those, like I said, if you had oral from anyone.
My heart goes out to you. I know this is devastating to you, but your life isn't over. Far from it! The advances made in medicine means that a positive HIV diagnosis isn't the grave news it used to be in the 80's. You can still have dreams, live your life, fall in love, and have a fulfilling and rich future. If the doctor can refer you to someone to talk to if you feel overwhelmed emotionally, that would help you.
I'm inclined to agree with Chigirl that it's 99.9% likely that it is this guy you got it from. The fact that he was willing to jump into first time unprotected sex shows that he has been sexually risky. You've gotta tell him, and you can't let him touch you sexually until you do, because now you're under a legal obligation now that you know for sure.
My thoughts and prayers are with you today. May you find peace and love and support.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 July 2014):
 First off all, let me say I am sorry for these bad news. I hope your doctor has given you good information and is giving you the help and support you need, and that you have a good support system around you to help you deal with these heavy news. I sadly don't know much about HIV, only that when discovered early on, like in your case, the prognosis are very good at keeping it in bay and not having it develop. You are young, and you are strong, and I wish you all the best.
Next, as for this guy. You have to tell him the truth, even if he doesn't want to hear it. You might also consult with your doctor and a lawyer, because as far as I am aware, it is illegal to have sex with anyone when you are infected with HIV, and not inform your sexual partner PRIOR to the sexual act. You might be able to file a police report against him. And you should. Because if he doesn't believe you he will surely spread it to others. Changes are, he knew all along, yet didn't want to hear it/believe it, because he's afraid. However, it is in HIS best interest to be told, because he needs, for his own health, to get tested and get medical help that is required.
I believe you fully, who else would you have gotten it from, you were intelligent and got tested, so you KNOW it was from him. But if he doesn't take responsibility then who knows how many others he will pass it on to. You need to report him to the police, because he might already know, and he might have willingly infected you because he didn't care. Some people are like that, they don't care about the risks they put others in. And this is, at least in Norway and several other countries, illegal.
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