A
male
age
36-40,
*craig
writes:my wife and i have been together since she was seventeen and she is now 21. we had a very passionate realationship before our marriage and before our son was born. i lost my career before marriage and went into the marriage depressed. i have not been able to hold a job down for 3 years, causing more depression for myself. i didnt not compliment her with out her fishing for her. i did not show her how much i loved her and sex was good but after we finished i would not stay and cuddle. i would go watch tv or get on facebook and leave her all alone in the bed. i believe i was like this because i was numb from depression. i also cheated on her a year ago and never told her but told the roomate we took in to help them. i loved her and still love her with all my heart but i felt i wasnt able to show her , maybe i felt i didnt deserve for her to love me. my wife left to a family and friends bon fire party and i chose to go hunting. i would always choose to do things i wanted to do and would never do something she wanted to do. i dont know why i really loved being with her but again i think it was to do with my depression and not feeling worthy. while she went to this bon fire party , i chose to go hunting and when i came home she was gone. by this time our single female roomate had found an apartment of her own. i found my wife at her apartment asleep. i thought ok that understandable she got drunk and wasnt able to come home, being that she left her car at the party. i talked to her and said i would see her tomorrow. i went hunting the next day and came home and she was still not home by this time i became upset and suspicious. i just asked straight forward if she wanted a divorce. she to my surprise said yes and that she had cheated on me after this party. i was insane took off with my son and went to my mothers. i have cried begged and pleated and she says she wants a divorce, because i didnt show her love and did not work. that very next day i obtained another career. we have talked and fought for 4 days now but last night i learned that she wants me to make her want me again. she wants me to prove to her that i can be the man i was when we met but also be able to hold a job and provide for her and be able to show emotions. she wants a divorce though. she says that she doesnt want any relationship right now. keep in mind its only 4 days past the seperation. she says that it will take a whole lot for me to prove to her i can be an upstanding man and able to earn her love back. she thinks that we should get a divorce and start completely from scratch. i believe we should prolonge the divorce six months to a year and let me prove that i can be the man she had always fought for. she just will not hear this but still stays that i can earn her back. when she left me it opened my eyes and i can now feel emotions and i now realize how bad of a husband i have been. i know i can keep the career i just got i know now i can show her the love she needs and that her and my son are my life and nothing should ever interfere with our family. i just dont know how to start earning her love back, i have forgoten how to be single. do i leave her alone and only talk to her about my son? do i begin to flirt with her? how do i ask her out? am i fighting a loosing battle? where do i begin ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Now is not the time for you to be begging her to give you a second chance.
When would be the time?
Let's say, in a few YEARS, when you can now prove to her that you have gotten your depression under control through therapy and medication, that you have established yourself in a new career and are being financially successful, AND when you can go on a few casual lunches or dinners and demonstrate that you can relate to her.
you need to change first and DO IT ON YOUR OWN before you have any right to ask her to consider you. It's inappropriate to ask her to stand by you while you're trying to turn your life around after how you have treated her. You failed in all your responsibilities as a husband. She has lost respect and trust for you.
You have to change yourself into someone she can respect, before you go asking her to reconsider you. Yes it's possible that by then she may have moved on to a new man. Such is life. You had your chance.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 October 2012):
 I'm reading about a young men who ran in to some rough times in his life.... chose to run away from his manhood obligation and act like a child (under the guise of "depression").... and is now facing the results of his childish behaviour.
You can ONLY start to reconstruct ANY kind of life if you man-up and start behaving like an adult....
P.S. Running away to go hunting is NOT "behaving like an adult."
Then, AFTER you've done something/anything to return to some sort of normal/adult life, re-connect with your G/F/wife and see if she still has much - or any - feeling for you... and ask her - no, BEG her - for a re-start... It CAN be done....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (28 October 2012):
 HI
It is very hard when you suffer with depression to show any kind of interest or emotions with others, I think still wanting a divorce is a sure answer to your question, just has had it. If there was a chance to sort things out she would not want a divorce still, which leads me to believe for her its already over. I think for now you should just be intouch for your child, keep up with the new job and start to have some you time to sort out why you got so depressed and unable to confide with your wife and share your problems. When you are back at full mental health strength then and only then will you be ready to show your love again, and maybe just maybe she will see the old you whom she fell inlove with again.
Good luck
Mandy x
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