A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How long does it take to get over someone and is it possible to be friends after a relationship?I split up from my ex about 7 months ago but we kept in touch via email (he lives abroad). Even though we both knew (and said) we still loved each other we knew the relationship was over and I felt I was moving on. However about a month ago he kind of suggested he might be seeing someone and I found it really hard. I was so upset by the idea that I told him we had to stop emailing. So we've had no contact for a month. My emotions have been all over the place! At first I was jealous and upset, then angry, and now, as I start to reflect on the reasons our relationship went wrong, I am feeling incredibly sad. I know he still cares about me and I keep wondering if I should get back in touch. I suspect this is a bad idea but I miss him so much. How long does it take to stop feeling like this about someone? And when will it be "safe" for me to get back in touch and try and be friends?
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Hi, if you feel this way , you must still be in love with him. Can you not work through this problem and distance and try again. I know he is seeing someone, but if I love someone , I believe they worth fighting for. What do you have to loose. Go ahead give him call and keep it light , ask to see him as a friend and you can be a judge if the feelings are mutual and you want ot work things out.
You have unresolved feelings and unless you work through it, it not going to go away.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (19 December 2012):
 How long it takes depends on how long you dated and how serious you were together. For example a relationship of a few months you can obviously move on within a week or so most likely. But a relationship of a few years could take 6 months to over a year's time before you are ready to move on and date someone new, depending upon how you felt for the person. Plus you take into account whether it is your first real relationship, if you are the type to fall harder when in love, how often you spent time together, etc. It's different for everyone. Also continuing to speak with an ex makes it take even longer because you aren't allowing yourself to move on.
Being friends with an ex rarely works out. The only time I have seen it work was when the relationship wasn't very serious to begin with and being friends worked out better. Even then the new girlfriend wouldn't allow him to be friends with his ex so it ended the friendship.
Whenever serious feelings were involved then one person is likely to always harbor feelings for the ex and secretly wish it could have worked out, this isn't true friendship. It's best to let him go completely and move on properly. It was a good idea to cut contact with him now because hearing about his relationships will hurt you as you found out. Maybe one day long in the future (I'd guess a couple of years) you could send a quick "how are you, what have you been up to?" message via facebook or email. But I seriously doubt it will be anymore than just a friendly message and be done with. By that time you will likely have moved onto someone new and not care very much what he is up to.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 You should pine over the breakup for AT LEAST 1 month for every month's duration of the "relationship"......
.... OR, until the next hot guy comes by.....
WHICHEVER COMES FIRST!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 December 2012):
 I think it depends on the two people and how the relationship ended.
But most of all I don't see there being a HUGE need to be friends with the EX. Friendly perhaps, but not necessary at all.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 December 2012):
 It's not a good idea to be friends with ex partners.
Friendly yes
Civil yes but truly friends..... NO it's NOT a good plan
IF you have no children with a man there is no need to remain in touch. I think folks want to "remain friends" so they don't feel like failures. It's a lousy reason.
You can't start to heal from the relationship if you still have contact. It will get easier every day.
Remain NO CONTACT until it no longer hurts. IN fact, to protect yourself I would block his phone number/social media/email accounts.... he has to be "dead" to you for you to heal.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Hi
This is why it is better to have no contact with an ex after a split. It prolongs the break up and you can't let go properly and move on because they are in your life still. Then there comes a time when one will meet somebody new.
Now your experiencing all the natural feelings because he has moved on.Your right to cut contact as it will only hurt you more to stay in touch. Once your over him and meeting and dating others it will be easier to be friends,but by then you may not want to.
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