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How long does a relationship 'break' last?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 January 2017) 12 Answers - (Newest, 26 January 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

How long do relationship 'breaks' generally last?

My fiancé has suggested two weeks but then said it could be indefinitely, I feel she is messing with my head.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (26 January 2017):

A break last forever. Your fiancée has broken up with you she just doesn't have the guts to say it. If you gave her a ring demand it back and move on with your life.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (10 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIf she is your fiance then she should not be wanting a break. If she agreed to marry you then obviously she felt she was in it for the long run. You need to talk to her and understand why she needs a break? It sounds to me like she has already made her mind up that she wants out off this relationship. She is probably just testing what is out there first to see if it is worth going back to you or not. Sorry but the truth does hurt. I would just tell her it is over and wish her well.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

Is this a "we can see other people" during this break, or a "we are still 100% faithful" break?

If she has not given you a commitment to staying 100% faithful (this commitment must be spoken out loud, not just 'implied') then you are getting cheated on.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (8 January 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntThere is a huge difference between "2 weeks" and "indefinitely".

If you love this lady, give her the 2 weeks and then get in contact and discuss the situation. If she is still not sure, and if she mentions "indefinitely" again, in your shoes I would take back control and say something along the lines of "Well, tell you what honey, if you are still not sure, and are talking about breaking up completely, then let's do it now and not prolong the pain. There is no point in dragging things out."

The sooner you break up completely, the sooner you will start to heal from the pain and move forward with your life.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (8 January 2017):

N91 agony auntAs the others have said, I don't think it's looking promising. How could you possibly need a break if the relationship is going well?

My guess is she's got cold feet about the wedding but doesn't have the heart to tell you.

If I were you I'd just break up with her first so you can start the moving on process faster.

Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

My ex asked for a break once. It was so she could hook up with someone she had a crush on guilt free. I was made to stay faithful though and she came back when the guy went back to his gf. I found out when we broke up months later. I would try and understand why she wants this. Be prepared for "trickle truth" which is mentioned in another post

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

I don't believe in 'breaks'. You need a 'break' to do what?

Adults will face their problems and come up with solutions to make things work, there is no 'break'. If things cannot be resolved, then they BREAK UP. You are a couple through the good and bad, happy and sad, you don't 'break', unless it's a break up.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (8 January 2017):

How long does it take for someone to get-up the courage to say they want to breakup with you? I guess it depends on how much courage they have, and why they need a break.

Breaks are a cowards way of avoiding an issue they don't have the balls to work to resolve. Taking breaks also means a break in communication. That's counterproductive for people in relationships; especially those about to be married.

Timeouts are for children. Adults are supposed to face our problems and discuss them; in order to come to compromise, to express our feelings, and to exchange the facts of the matter. The objective is to settle disagreements, not stall them.

If you're absurdly stubborn, a cheat, abusive, or a hard-headed person to deal with, it may be indefinite.

She says two weeks, huh? I guess that was subjective. She is certain to be completely fixed and ready to go in the exact span of two weeks?

Breaks in relationships should be never, if the relationship is a good one. Adults who love each other, stick together and work together to fix their problems.

They don't run from them.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (8 January 2017):

Ivyblue agony auntThats just a sugar coated way of not having the guts to say 'I want out" or "I want in, but I want an out to see what else is out there before I want in again".

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntPersonally, I think if people NEED a break from their relationship it's not strong enough to last. Taking breaks or being ON/OFF is simply not working for most people because the issues that LEAD to these "breaks" are not properly talked over and sorted out and they WILL pop up again and again.

Needing a "break" is usually a precursor for a "BREAK-up".

As for how long a break lasts? That is up to you and your fiance.

What lead to this "break" being needed? Did you mess up? Or did she?

Is it an issue you two can work out and work through? If not, end it and move on.

If you CAN work it out and work on it, DO that instead of taking "breaks".

And if you feel she is messing with your head, WHY do you want to get back together with her?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (8 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIf you need a break, you'll most likely be leading to a break up.

The rules of a break should be clear - i.e staying faithful, timeline, goals when getting back together, etc.

An indefinite break is a break up. A month break or more is effectively a break up and you should start from scratch to rebuild.

When you get back together, if you do, you need to try couples counselling. If you don't reconcile in two weeks, talk about making it permanent, as indefinite helps nobody.

Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2017):

"How long do relationship 'breaks' generally last?"

Generally for as long as the breaker wants to string the breakee along as Plan B until she finds something better . . .

OR for as long as it takes the breakee to grow a pair and stand up for himself and not tolerate being played for a fool AND a pussy.

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