A
female
age
30-35,
*arahthestrange
writes: i`m wondering how important it is that a girl is pretty? i`m a 17 year old girl, and i have never been in a relationship. i`m really ugly (people have called me man-face and so on) and fat, and have no selfesteam what so ever. i feel really alone, and i have lost absolutley all hope about the future.i`ve read some post by some males on this page, and thy all describes their gf and wives as beautifull, and this (plus lots of past experiences) makes me think that only the pretty girls is wanted as girlfriends. is this so? is the only thing that matter to boys how pretty/hot the girl is?xo Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Look, most people here are decieving you and they are decieving themselves to an ideal that is just not true, it's pure wishful thinking. You deserve the truth accurately told.
Looks simply put 'do' matter a lot. We're a lot more visually stimulated than women are, and we find it hard to be intimate with someone with whom we're not physically attracted to. You may see women with unattractive men but you won't find as many men with unattractive women. Men have to find a woman visually pleasing before they delve into anything else emotionally.
I'm not talking generally here, there may be some who do not mind the looks so much, but a minority is not the majority. What I say is actually true for almost all men.
This is not to say that men are shallow but something that we can't help but naturally feel. At the very least a woman has to look 'decent' and or 'fair' - this is the bare minimum standard, after that the personality really heightens the overall look. For example Sarah Jessica Parker is quite unattractive IMO but her personality and self makes her looks shine out despite that.
A man only becomes shallow if he demands so much more than his standard minimum level of 'decent' (women have this standard too but theirs is not as high as mens' are and is much more flexible in comparison). The problem is that young boys and young men are heavily desensitised and their standards of accepting what is decent is becoming harder for them to realise because of all the sexual nature on TV that play on their weaknesses. Once they mature further and are more in control of their testosterone they'll reign themselves a lot more and see with a mind that's not clouded.
How do women get to look at least 'decent'? Firstly the 'most important' and essential thing to know is that men are not attracted to women who 'look' overweight at all, it doesn't matter what it says on the scale, you can technically weigh a lot but 'look' slender - but looking, and being 'underweight' on the scale is never a good thing. The best is to match your weight into a range with what is appropriate for your height.
After taking care of your weight, if you really want to enhance yourself further which is keeping your body in 'shape' - and I mean 'shape'! Shape is more important than having lumps as large as possible. Big boobs and ass are only just 'bonuses' (just like not all men have big penises), if the shape isn't good then it means nothing. I really recommend running as that fixes your posture and removes fat really well. Plastic surgery is never good!
Hygiene and health is also important in all aspects of your life such as skincare, haircare, dentalcare etc. (especially the skin). Looking well groomed and looked after is really nice subtlety that a lot of women really lack despite their 'naturally' good looks - by ticking this off your better than most. Looking as though you have a bunch of make-up plastered on your face is never nice, make-up should only ever supplement your natural look.
Wear clothes in whatever style you like because it would reflect on your personality and there's no need to lose that, just try and take care in what you choose and wear in the best of your preferred style. Bear in mind to present yourself as modest and intelligent and don't even think about trying to look slutty no matter what.
And most importantly be yourself, don't ever indulge in your looks more than what is needed beyond what I said. This is a life tip, if you do indulge in your looks more than necessary all you'll be doing is selling yourself as an object of sex. Keeping your dignity and self respect is very important and should never be undermined. Keep your chin up and get on with your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): nobody is perfect..!!!!! there is no real definition for 'beauty'!!
u r who u r..nd u r beautiful..
who has the right to say ur ugly..?? UR NOT!!
evry1 is beautiful in there own way.. forget about what other people think.. the ppl who called u names r ugly themselves..
start concentrating on ur weight nd how to bring it dwn f ur really upset bi it, instead of what other people think..
be confident in urself..
nobody is perfect r beautiful..
xx
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (30 May 2009):
 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you gotta remember that.
When I was in junior high, for example, everyone thought Brad Pitt was hot.
As for me, if I were a cat, I would try to cover him up with kitty litter. BARF!!
Still, people think he's hot, and I wonder: Are they headless??
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (30 May 2009):
MARTIAL arts... I spelled it "marcial." I think in Spanish :P
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (30 May 2009):
I think that the real problem is that your self-esteem is in the paper shredder.
Ignore people who make cruel comments, because, to put it bluntly, they are assholes.
Instead, focus on what you can change (weight for example), and don't dwell on what can't be changed (height, for example).
I think that a hobby or sport may help you with your self image problem (and weight problem). Try marcial arts. I was fat and depressed but I took up the sport of tae kwon do and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made... I've taken it up again and don't regret it. And kicking things helps me release stress :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): HEY, don't you listen to those people. you are who you are, special and unique. we all are. do not let anyone disrespect and de value you. you have the right to be happy and no one should steal this happiness from you. and you shouldn't allow them.
i absolutely love what mytwocents wrote. i am going to copy her words and give it to my daughter.
to the rest of the aunts and uncles good one. Sarahthestrange, it is ok to be different. you need to just be you, with mytwocents words of wisdom. good luck, hey smile. it's going to get better.
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A
female
reader, sarahthestrange +, writes (29 May 2009):
sarahthestrange is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much everyone, it really means a lot to me that you all bothered answering my question :*
i`ll try my best to be more confident, and i`ll try to change my look (loose some weight, buy some new clothes..). again, thanks, you`ve really inspired me in doing something about my problem, instead of just sitting at home feeling sorry for myself!
:*
xoxo
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A
male
reader, whitemoor5  +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Personality is the main thing - I mean I'm no looker myself (a bit of a geek, I admit!)
If you've got a good personality it can make you popular, and as long as you don't get too egotistical, it's a good way of getting dates with people, provided you can be self-effacing or able to poke fun at yourself.
Looks aren't the be-all and end-all - take what you will from this agony uncle's suggestions!
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A
male
reader, _Tyler  +, writes (29 May 2009):
"I wouldn't go by guys describing their partners as beautiful. When you are in love with someone they become beautiful to you no matter what they look like. " I like this comment from QuirkLady.
To me personally, I actually don't go for the "hottest" girls. They are usually the ones that are trouble(from my experience). The only thing for me is that you are takeing care of yourself; clean, fit, confident.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): guys chose pretty girls but the girls are pretty in the guys point of view. some guys go out with girls they r comfortable with an girls who r beautiful on the inside. these r the guys who r worth it because looks r not everything.time changes beauty but it doesnt change personality.
hope i helped even if it was a little :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): Sadly, looks are the first thing men want. Don't blame men for being superficial, it's in our genes. I would agree with mytwocents: the best way a woman can improve her dating prospects is exercise.
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (29 May 2009):
God doesn't create ugly creatures, everything made by Him is beautiful...it is you who can make the MOST of it or the least of it...I agree with 'mytwocents.' One thing you do have control over is your body, and you can work your ass off to make it look great! And your face is beautiful b/c like I said, God creates beautiful things. Make the most of it, go to the Mac store and ask them how they can help accentuate ur features, they'll help you with make up, etc. I know overweight girls taht are very pretty and they know how to carry themselves, wear cute clothes, and put on the right make up! and so can you!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Miss Karma Louise +, writes (29 May 2009):
Oh my god!
do not let enybody judge you and call you those things.
you do not have to be hot to have a boyfreind ATALL.
and because these people call you nasty things and that it doesnt mean you actually are ugly,your not going to please everyone in this world and they cant please you either love,im sure sometimes you see a guy walkin down the street and you think.:
"what a funny looking man".
Or
"What an ugly hair do."
But obviously these people are just to rude to keep it to themseleves of what they dont like,dont take it so personal just think that your the better person and that your the one with consideration.
or to make yourself feel better have a pamper day or maybe get a new hair do or paint your nails or maybe get a new top.
LOVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS WILL LOVE YOU TOO.
God Bless Honey x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): Teenagers are the cruelest people on earth! They are also the most vulnerable!
Don't believe what they say! Don't own it, don't make it who you are!
I was extremely insecure in my teens and even in my 20's. It wasn't until my late 20's and early 30's that I realized that I was attractive, but more importantly, people loved me for my soul and my heart. I look back at pictures from 30 years ago and I think..."if only I knew then what I know now!"
Because I was insecure, I was timid and shy. If only my true self could've shown through, my life might have been totally different.
I'm 59 yrs old now...and I still look pretty good! (so I have been told by both men and woman) I use what I have to the best of my ability. The only criticism I have to fight off these days is from my own head. I won't buy into it! I know who I am and most of the time I am content!
You are a beautiful person! You have to tell yourself that until you believe it! The more confident you feel, the more your beauty will shine! Don't buy into the BS of teenagers!
Learn to love yourself and others will love you too!!!
Hugs!
Britt
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Beauty is important for everyone, but it is certainly not all, and, if you think about it, it's not the most important aspect of a person.
Once I met a woman who was astonishingly beautiful and I felt like I had been struck by a lightning. She noticed, of course; and she considered me putty from that day on. So, she was pretty, but she was not good.
On the other hand, I have a long-time friend who is... well, ugly, despite her beautiful eyes. And she's very obese. But her personality makes her a very attractive person.
You're young now, and you don't know it yet, but, as we age, we care less about physical appearance and more about what there is inside.
Wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (29 May 2009):
 I won’t give you a pep talk since I think other people will take care of that and that’s not what I think you need right now.
Unfortunately, looks DO matter. You know that already. Guys want and seek pretty girlfriends (just like girls want cool, cute boyfriends). It’s the way of the world. BUT, there’s tons of hope for you yet--let me explain.
I know that, right now, it doesn’t matter to you how pretty you are “on the inside.” You care about how you look on the OUTSIDE. What you need to know is that you have to work with what you’ve been given. You can improve yourself considerably. Just you can make a “pretty” person ugly, and you can make an “ugly” person pretty. You may not turn into a model, but you can easily turn into a much cuter girl.
Starting today, you need to make this into a 6-9 month PROJECT for yourself. It has three parts and it's not an overnight thing. It’ll be fun and you’ll feel GREAT at the end. TRUST ME ON THIS. I did nearly this exact thing for myself a few years ago, after getting out of a long, terrible relationship that kept me stifled for years. I was flat broke, awkward, and lonely. All I had was the energy to change my condition. I changed myself for the better and have never looked back.
PART I - BODY
First things first: you NEED to slim down. You need to get yourself to your optimal weight. I know that’s hard when you’re feeling down on yourself--but you HAVE TO do it. Join a gym, get some videos, or just get a pair of sneakers and run at the park. Whatever you can afford. Eat well, and get a nutrition book if you don’t have a good basic understanding of good eating. Stay away from fad diets and workouts. Go with good, old-fashioned balanced diets and exercise. Go to a library or bookstore and get a book on fitness for women. It’s good to be educated on quality exercises you can do, not just fiddle around and get injured.
All of this will be very hard at first, but getting your body firm and hot will do wonders for your self-esteem and it's a key step to improving yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but you NEED to make this a priority for yourself. Don’t get obsessive and crazy. Stay balanced and determined. It will take time--don’t expect overnight results--but it WILL happen if you put in the time. Period. Once you start looking good, stay looking good by maintaining your healthy lifestyle.
PART II - STYLE
Depending on your condition, it'll take a few months to get yourself fit. Once you've started to get close to where you'd like to be, work on your style. Guys (and girls) are drawn to a stylish girl. Even if she’s not super-gorgeous, a cool style that suits your natural look can go a LONG way. Watch programs on makeovers, get magazines, look at people that look good in their clothes. Educate yourself on looks and style. Don't focus on how skinny or perfect these dumb models are--think style only. Start going to stores regularly and trying things on--even if you don’t buy anything. If something looks bad, or doesn't fit, move on. Who cares.
Buy clothes that suit your shape and accentuate your physical strengths (keep in mind you’ll have a new, hot physique). Even if you’re on a budget, you can find stuff at thrift stores or on sale. Hunt around. If you have a little more money to spend, invest in higher-quality, designer garments. People notice. It’ll make you look and feel even better.
PART III - PEOPLE
Then, be social. Start a new activity that involves meeting new people (dance lessons, a sport, whatever). Contact whatever friends you have and make them do things with you. By then, you probably won’t have to TRY to meet any guys. A fit girl in cool stylish clothes attracts guys left and right. But, still, get out into the night life and do something you find fun.
Your mind will catch up with your experiences. Once you look better and start improving yourself, you’re going to feel better about yourself. You will have accomplished something on your own.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): It doesn't really matter to a lot of us. As long as the said person is the kind of person we like, it generally doesn't matter that much about appearance. Describing wives and girlfriends as 'beautiful' is because WE view them as beautiful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): You are pretty... in your own way. You have to think it! and believe it! Pretty women can be and look very ugly. Usually pretty women go through a worst situation then girls that think they are ugly. I have always been told I am beautiful... but are men looking at my beauty or my personality? You never know. Most of the time they only want to go to be with you. I have see more I thought unatractive women get married to very good looking and professional men, because of their education intelligence and carreer.
I think it may be the way you carry yourself or they way you dress. Get a make over you will be surprised how that can change your look and how you feel about your self. When you feel good about you will be surprised how many men you will attrack. Rose
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): It may matter to the immature boys that you are surrounded by at this point in your life, but as people grow up and mature, it is not a factor. I'm sure you've been out in public and have looked around. Is every overweight/not totally attractive person walking around alone? No. They get married, they have children. You just have to get passed this stage of your life during which people are shallow and unmindful.
Also, if you want to feel better about yourself, you may be able to lose weight, or get a hair cut that flatters yourself. Every person, no matter how pretty, has dressing and hair styles that can make them look better or worse. There are things you can do for yourself to feel more beautiful.
(I feel a lot uglier walking around in a Tshirt than i do walking around in a nice, conservative top).
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (28 May 2009):
 Firstly, you need to stop feeling negatively about yourself... I'm sure that you are not ugly in the slighest. In my opinion EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL; i'm sure you have gorgeous eyes or great cheek bones - emphasise these with make-up, draw attention to the areas you want to make the most of. Its like me; I hate my mouth and my teeth, yet I have really nice eyes so i work my miracles with make-up and emphasise them - it makes such a difference. Just have a long look in the mirror and pick out your best feature and work on that :)))
Secondly, looks are not all that important. You know what boys are mostly attracted to? CONFIDENCE. This is probably why you have never been in a relationship, because you doubt yourself all the time. You really need to work on your confidence, its a crucial factor.
Lastly, I have many friends who are absolutely gorgeous and so pretty. And you know what? They are single. They all get male attention however, alot of them have also been rejected or 'let down' by a boy.
Looks arent everything. Believe that you're beautiful, because you are. One day you will find a guy who respects and loves you for who you are and what you look like :)
Trust me on this :)
Good luck for the future xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (28 May 2009):
 Who has the right to call you names and comment about your appearance? The people who say things like that arn't perfect are they?
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Don't listen to what other people think, people do find you attractive! Be yourself and let your personality show through, thats what makes someone beautiful, not looks.
I'm not the prettiest girl in the world and believe me i'm a chubby one but i have learnt that nobodys perfect and we can't change who we are so we just have to learn to love ourselfs!
Look into the mirror and write down 10 things you like about yourself weather it be your hair, eyes or even your curvs put it down and stick it on your mirror so everytime you look you will be reminded about the good things about yourself.
Looks don't matter at all, The ones that say they do are just shallow and will probs end up alone.
Be happy with who you are, Your beautiful being you
Livia
xoxox
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (28 May 2009):
 I wouldn't go by guys describing their partners as beautiful. When you are in love with someone they become beautiful to you no matter what they look like.
I have a friend who is not typically beautiful, but she is smart, outgoing, friendly, kind, funny and honest. Guys hit on her in droves. Literally. We went to a bar last week and I could hardly talk to her for all the guys in her face, lol.
If you dress well, smile, and act as if you are the most confident person in the world (even if you're not) guys will be attracted to you. Try that and see if it works.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CGL0527  +, writes (28 May 2009):
 Being pretty is a plus, not a necessity. Maybe you're not beautiful to some people, but for some guys out there, you're probably the hottest thing ever. It's really your personality that counts, and you probably have a great one.
GOOD LUCK
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I'm 15, 16 in a few weeks.
I'm in a relationship and my boyfriend is gorgeous; but I am ugly AND fat; looks has nothing to do with being in a relationship- yes you do get some shallow men and women where looks is everything and personality is nothing.
But you'll soon find someone who loves the way you look- even if you are a plain Jayne and aint got strikeing looks and they'll love you're personality and thats what counts, because at the end of the day looks fade, and those shallow people will one day realise that.
Ignore the people who call you names; they're pathetic and don't give up on love before you've experienced it.
You'll soon find you're Prince Charming who will tell you that you look beautiful everyday :)
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