A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here are some of the background facts: He's in his early 20s and I am in my late 20s. He was a friend-of-a-friend who came onto me hard and heavy for a month or two, but then freaked out and ran the other direction for a couple of weeks, until I contacted him to help me out on a work project (we're in the same profession). One night after working together, he told me that he thought that I was the one who had been blowing him off by not contacting him. He said that he wanted to continue seeing me, so I consented and foolishly slept with him again (only the second time). Immediately following that date, he discovered that he had landed an opportunity to move far away. So, upon hearing that, we experienced this strange push-pull sort of relationship, where he would confide in me and show me all of his artistic aspiriations, talk to me about his fears and about his ex (whom he's still not completely over) and treat me like a girlfriend some of the time, and other times would pull away and act distant. I tried not to get to attached, to keep myself occupied with work and all, but because work and him had become so closely intertwined, it was hard not to think of him and to fall for him. We had this sort of ease with one another. We were pretty much cut from the same cloth, and neither of us had to pretend to be something we weren't. We could talk about anything--except the truth about how we felt about each other, apparently. He would say things like, "Why do you like me?" or "Why are you so good to me?" Which I couldn't really answer because I really wasn't so sure myself. One day when he as acting really jerky, I asked him what his deal was. He said that he didn't want to have a long distance relationship. I told him that I didn't either, that I was just enjoying the time we had together at the moment. He said that he understood, but he continued to act distant and weird the rest of the time we were around each other that day. After I went home, I decided not to contact him, but a few days later he sent me a text message to see how I was doing. I responded briefly. He called and texted me a few times during the weeks afterward but we didn't see each other until two weeks later for work. When we finally saw each other again, he seemed thrilled to see me. He had a HUGE smile on his face and was flirting and complimenting me, big time. That night we talked and he apologized for being such a jerk and we had the best, most connected sex ever. The next day he was being all sweet and cuddly, and it felt like something had changed drastically between us, like we'd gotten closer than ever. However, we both knew he was leaving in a week. The night before he left, he threw a party. He had been drinking a lot and so had I. The two of us sat and talked for a while, drunk talk, where two people are talking at the same time. He said something and added, "and I love you." I was talking over him at the time. "Did you hear what I'm telling you?" he said. "I'm telling you I love you!" I wasn't sure what to make of that, thinking, "Oh, he probably means that he loves me as a friend." I leaned over and hugged him and said, "Awww, I love you too." He started to cry when we said goodbye to each other later.Flash forward to current dilemmas: He's texted me once since he's gotten there (he's been there about two weeks). I am not sure whether to keep regular contact with him or not. I may be moving there as well for work, but I'm not sure if I should even try to pursue anything with him. He's so young and still has yet to completely resolve his feelings for his ex. I'm also not sure if his profession of "love" was platonic or not.I'm not sure if I should just play it cool and "just friends" with him, or if I should try to see if there will be anything more for us because I think I love him too (although I'm terrified of that idea as well).Also, I'm trying to get out and date other people in order to get over him and move on with my life. Should I tell him that I'm doing that or keep it to myself?Any opinions on this situation would be helpful. It's awfully confusing for me!
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drunk, flirt, his ex, I love you, long distance, move on, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm such a dummy. I talked to him the other night and he told me all about how lonely he was and all, and how he wanted me to come visit. Then, today I talked to his best friend and he told me that my guy had gone to a party last night and met all kinds of people, including a girl whose phone number he obtained. I guess if she's important enough to tell his best friend about, he probably likes her a lot. He'll probably start dating her, and I probably should forget all about him. I feel so stupid and naive to think that he was starting to love me. :( *sigh*
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I think he loves you, and he is afraid of getting hurt. The distance between you is causing a problem. When you responded to him in a weak manner didn't help. When he asked you why are you nice to me why didn't you tell him that you are crazy about him, don't have to say you love him. Because usually the person who says it first sometimes they lose. He took a big chance on telling you he loved you.... now its up to you to tell him how you really feel. Looks like you both need to communicate more on your future. You can't go on feelings and assumption. Everything you want to know about the relationship you need to ask him .... what do you have to lose or gain?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Sounds like he is young and doesn't really know what he wants. It's your call as to whether or not you want to stick around for the ride while he figures it out.
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